The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it ?

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

If you switch this around, you may finally realize how a DIL feels entering a new house/family. In the grand scheme of things, this situation as it applies to every day life for the "voiceless" DIL is really much more significant than the virtual plight of of "voiceless" MILs on IL. After all, you can always switch off the computer and ignore the online harassment. In the other situation, there is no escape.

(Apologies if someone has already made this point. This thread is making me not able to see straight. Also, strange pop-ups for gulab jamun recipes keep appearing on my screen when I am trying to read/think/write).

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

I was thinking the same. Never a fan of popups.

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Hijack alert!!

'Cindy' for Cinderella? thinkingsmiley
Sort of like, "My life upon her faith! Honest Iago, my Daisy must I leave to thee"?
Or Jools Capulet?
The U of Witwatersrand want their B.A back!

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Ah, the prodigal son...

It was the University of Natal (Durban campus) - Wits was too cold in winter, and too far from home (ironic, given present circumstances).

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Rats! Failure of my deductive faculties. Holmes would not be amused.
Of course Durban has the largest population of Sythafrikans of Indian descent!
Doh!

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Late as usual
OP, from what I've seen in my large extended family, the elders prefer to pick up the phone and talk to one another when there are issues. It is probably because they have supported one another through the years, naturally leading them to trust one another. They get their validation, emotional support, and views which lead them to introspect from people they know. The age range and experiences are wide enough that there are multiple points of view for the same issue-most of them can separate the annoyances and irritations from abject cruelty (on the PILs and DIL/SIL part). They seem to rearrange their priorities as their relationships with their DILs and SILs grow over the years.

On the other hand, the one who is cruel and vindictive doesn't seek/accept other points of view. There is no evidence of introspection, or doubt. All her needs are satisfied anyway...so why bother asking for any validation, right?

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Dear Anita
Thank you.
Oh boy, have I gotten myself into trouble now?
1. What to do if the mil is not as nice as you and there is no option of discussing with the husband too?
I honestly don’t know Anita. However, if you read my response carefully you will see embedded in it all I wished to say to both sides.

2. Is it possible that the threads here made you introspect a teeny bit more than you would have prepared yourself for your son's wedding if you had not read such threads. If yes, then these threads are making some positive change.

It subconsciously began long ago...

• When my son was born my parents advised me to practice “detached attachment”. It was only when I had a son I put myself in my MIL’s shoes and began to understand her pain, her fears, and her gracefulness.
• Also there is more to my life than what many know; without sounding like a brag let me just say that I always think “out of the box”. Those who know me personally will understand where I come from.
• So I credit my life, my parents, my husband, my children, to have molded me into what and who I am today.
• I do not wish to say anything about this forum.

Irrespective of whether you say Yes / no to my second question, your dil is one lucky gal. Best wishes to the newly weds.

Thank you. We are also lucky to have this young lady in our family.
May I take liberty of asking you to pray to God to give us both the strength to build this into a strong and healthy relationship?

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Hi Bhucat
Thanks much! I really don’t mind you calling me aunty or patti.
I just injected that statement to lighten up this thread which seemed to be thick with anger