Should I go? Please Please Help me

Lakshmikishore · Dec 20, 2013

Dear Emal,

IMO,you should attend the wedding considering few,
Ensure there should be someone(Parents/Siblings) who would take care of you and kid for any emergency as it would be new climate for you and kid
You should have that self control/confidence that you would be stable for any situation you face
In future,nobody from your parents/siblings point you out for not attending the wedding as they did for you by not assisting you during your pregnancy/delivery
Last but not least you should fit and strong enough to handle your kid alone in case your husband is not accompanying you.

Take care,
LakshmiKishore

Emal · Dec 23, 2013

oysterzzz said: ↑

Please travel only if ur health permits. what did ur hubby say? it is better if u go according to his wish.
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My hubby is very indecisive. One moment if I feel like going he says "Go". Next moment when I am deeply thinking all that happened and start to worry if I should go,he says "Don't go".
He does not take firm decisions in any of the matters in our life. He takes the passenger seat and lets me make decisions.

My baby will be around 8 months during this trip. But I will be breastfeeding ( so hectic ).
My major worry is - I am right now not in the right situation to have a stable mind or body due to all the hormonal changes due to delivery. Not sure if I will be able to handle myself and my baby amongst all the relatives and their talks ( Might be good or bad).

My question is - If this thought has been nagging me from last so many months then is it a good idea to go ?
If you are going somewhere then there should not be double thoughts right ? You decide and you go, thats it. I have booked my tickets ( Lets say I was emotional or got carried away after by my brother's sweet talks and requests to come ) but why is it that I am still confused if I should go ?

What is my heart trying to tell me ? If it is making me feel so uneasy then would I do something wrong to myself by making this trip ?

Thanks,
Emal.

rachaputi · Dec 23, 2013

As its your brother's wedding, you should attend atleast for namesake.

Try to make your trip shorter and first of all be with 0 expectations.

Dont expect and dont allow them to do OA

OR- Say some health problems in trusty way, if really bothers you..

vmtaurus · Dec 24, 2013

If I was in your place I would not go, not because of your past with your family, but for the simple fact that this would be physically inconvenient to your baby and you. Babies would rarely enjoy large, noisy weddings, and you will be spending most of your time calming him/her anyway...and it won't be like you can really enjoy the festivities. Also, the stress of travel, time difference, etc. will take a toll. Since you do not feel in the peak of health, my suggestion would be to not go. You can always meet your bro/his wife sometime later. If they don't try to understand your situation, its just not worth it!

swt.charu · Dec 26, 2013

I have few questions...

1) How old is your child ??

2) I am sure your family was aware of your pregnancy and due date when they were planning the wedding date.. was it within their control to adjust the wedding date based on your due date??

I may come across as old fashioned here... but if my parents were insensitive to my health condition and more importantly the fragile condition of their own grand child... I am better off not attending the wedding..and I would tell them on their face this..

Shouldn't they be celebrating their grand child now ??

swt.charu · Dec 26, 2013

sorry I missed your latest post...

ok.. so your baby is 8 months old... which may not be old enough... but not too risky either (this is my personal opinion and also depends on the travel time, general health condition etc etc)

So the question now according to me is more on your bonding with your brother rather than anything else... if you are saying you all bonded really well before marriage but its the marriage that is causing a collapse.. then I won't buy it at the face value... there would be a second side to the story as to why your parents have taken a U turn and are treating you the way they are treating you...

If you never had a great bond, then it shouldn't really matter anyways right ??

breeze01 · Dec 27, 2013

Ansuya said: ↑

I tend to be more practical than sentimental, so be aware that my advice will always tend toward the former.

I think even if you had a great relationship with your family, you would be well within your rights not to attend a wedding if it was something that was difficult for you, especially with a new baby.

Given the way your family treats you, it seems more than acceptable for you to make up your mind (as opposed to bowing to tradition, culture, family pressure, societal expectations, and all those other wonderful things) as to whether you want to go or not.

After all, it will be you who will be bearing the brunt of the burden of traveling/acclimatising with your baby (wedding occasions are not known for their calmness, peace, ease, convenience, etc.), and also bearing the brunt of whatever "loving" attention your family decides to shower upon you (weddings tend also to not bring out the best - to say the least - in families who are already at war).

This only becomes an issue if and when people decide to make it an issue. True love and affection includes CONSIDERATION for the wants, needs, and comfort of loved ones. Your not attending the wedding might cause some "symbolic" discomfort (the famous Indian rallying cry to arms, "What will the people say?"). But your attending the wedding is likely to cause very real stress and severe adjustment issues for you and your baby.

Lastly, my sister and father did not attend my wedding in India due to work/personal reasons. Everyone STILL lived happily ever after. They saw the pictures and met my husband afterwards.

You will be the best judge of whose needs are more important here. My vote would be for baby (and, by proxy, you).
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i always love your suggestions.....

breeze01 · Dec 27, 2013

why cant your brother have live telecast the wedding for you... so you can see the wedding and no need of travelling. its not as easy as telling go for the wedding... but there will be lot more things you have to take care of. just tell your brothers that as baby is too small i dont want baby to take long journey as of now but waiting for few more months so baby grow little big and you get all your energy,health back then you go visit...

breeze01 · Dec 27, 2013

for my wedding my bros, sisters are not there only me, my parents cousins are there... but my siblings met my huband later on.... now they all get along so well......

breeze01 · Dec 27, 2013

Do what makes you COMFORTABLE as long as you dont have good relation with your mom and brothers.. not because someone else will be asking for you in the wedding...