How do I improve so that my child benefits?

DG
Get to the root cause.
Ask your son why he doesnt want to go to school/ day care.It may not be what you are concluding it as...the separation anxiety.
If these developments are recent then definitely i'll point my fingers at the daycare/school.
Ask your son about it.Hemight not tell you everything in one go.It'll come slowly and in bits and parts.

Now Children are attached to their mothers but its on us to make them more independent.
Send him with your husband for shoppings or short outings occasionally. Just to check if hes fine when you are not around.Let him get confident.And then slowly he would stop searching for you.

 

If this is a recent behavior I would agree with Dinny that it is not separation anxiety rather something else. Yourself or DH do try to talk to him. Maybe something at daycare/school is troubling him, it can be anything someone bullying him or a teacher scolding him or simply his favorite teacher leaving the job and going. He seeks you coz he knows he is safe with you and by his side always and gets anxious if he does not see you. Just a possibility. Talk to him and you will find out the reason. A mother can sense whenever there is something wrong, trust that instinct and believe in your child.

 

Dear DGCreative,

I empathize with you and totally get your situation for the very reason that i am in the same state as you are in. My daughter who will turn 4 in December has always been with me. We dont stay in India and i was not working for about 1-1.5 years. My husband travels frequently. SO it has been just US. I have never even been to a movie leaving her worried that she might miss me. Now she will not leave me anywhere. It has gotten worse to a point where she wants to join me in the bath. I am so so worried about it. She doesnt like to go to school too. My parents are visiting us now. She plays with her grand-parents only if i sit beside her. Basically she doesnt leave me anywhere. I am tired sometimes due to this but i feel very bad and loaded with guilt that i brought her up this way.

I also welcome suggestions and ideas to help us out of this. I want my daughter to enjoy everything around apart from just being with me.

 

Hugs DG..dont feel very hard on yourself...Kids should be brought up by parents and should be with them other than some exceptional cases...so your point of not sending him to his granny is very correct..my opiniion...so dont worry about it...

somedays they might feel insecured and wanted to be with moms all the time..he might have gone through this phase..Ask him in his baby language whether he find in any difficulties in daycare/home etc..does anyone threatening him for anything..dont make him afaraid by asking all these questions in a row..take it very slowly..

this not-going-to-school syndrome is there for every kids..they wanted to enjoy all the coziness at home..even we elders have monday morning blues right..but they have it on all the working days ..thats it..so once he becomes a big boy, he would love going school as like us...

so dont get tensed...calm yourself,think twice and move on...all the best...

 

Something really is going on in that little mind. Did you ever even jokingly tell him that you are leaving him? Give it some time, it will settle down, maybe just a bit insecure. Try to talk to him as to why he is feeling insecure.

Tell him and go if you are going anywhere even for some minutes, especially in public places, and tell him you will be back very soon. Ask him if it is okay. Tell him just because mom is not around he should not feel insecure, if possible suggest some elder persons name to whom he can talk to in case he needs anything. Tell him that he is safe where he is otherwise you would not go without him. For some days now try to feel why and when he is insecure. Is it at home or only outside in public places?

Most likely it is a result of being admitted to the playschool. He is missing the known environment he had before. For kids entering preschool is a big leap.

Try to talk to him very excitedly about the preschool and how grown up he is to go to a school, how he can play different things there and do things he has not done before. Tell him how his teachers there were praising him. Ask him what he likes doing the most in school. Also ask him if there is something that is bothering him, but first make him talk about things he likes otherwise he will not talk.

Just a passing phase. He will come out of it sooner than you think/imagine. Remember as parents we always try to do the best for them so do not doubt yourself.

 

hi DG,

dont worry abouts kids clinginess in 3.4 yrs.. when he starts growing, he himself will become independent.. when he is 5 or 6 yrs, they will have own circle of friends and they will not come to us.. till that enjoy this phase.. kids need their mommy till 5-6 yrs..dont feel insecured or guilt.. Be happy that ur son is close to u...
my daughter 5 yrs old is still clingy to me when iam around but i enjoy that.. she will come and sit in my lap always.. but situation will change as they grow older..

take care..