is this normal??feeling depressed

Jut back out.......or ask helady to saysory to your parents. You ned to put yor foot down firm now. If you let this go now, it will cotinue to be the same

Backing out is better....

 

Dear,

Go with your gut feelings. If you like him, proceed with marriage.

Always, marriage function makes some conflict between families. It's nothing new. It's never ending story.

If not this, there will be something else. MIL, SIL or a distant uncle/aunt - there will be someone not getting along with your family. But, usually it happens during the marriage. In your case, it started at the engagement function.

Don't expect, both families will get along smoothly in the future. Take it easy.

Sure sign of, a mamma's boy, trying to please his mother. It will be an ongoing story throughout your life. Be prepared, it will be a typical Indian marriage life (ups/downs), nothing ex-ordinary to worry about it, now.

 

Dear OP,

Please go with your gut instincts and they can never go wrong. If your instincts tell you to marry him, just go ahead and please forget this engagement incident. Don't hold on to it. And like many others who opined that the guy shouldn't interfere in the matter, I say the same thing too.

 

set the expectations right.

 

A big red flag

 

"
1) MIL will try to poke her nose in everything
2)She will try to make your life hell
3)The guy being mumma's boy will never open his mouth and you will be left frustrated most of the times.
4)You MIL, SIL and hubby might gang up and accuse your parents like "What have your parents done for us ,blah blah "
5) They seem to be very demanding and may also demand a lot in the future.
6)Not sure how the guy will behave after marriage. He might emulate his mother with respect to indecent behavior."

In addition to this,

Your parents will be constantly scrutinized in every important event in your lives,transforming your happy moments to be disastrous, and they might be under scanner and humiliated all the time Looks like Till engagement they behaved as sweet as honey, but will sting you right after marriage..Blaming you and your parents every act. Even if you are good and ideal DIL your to-be husband's family will never be satisfied. As you are from an affluent family than them, differences will certainly arise after marriage..I'm also coming from the same situation so yes I know.. Its like a blow to their ego!! so, just talk it out with your fiance and see how he reacts..then you decide!!

Seriously, how cheap can a person be blaming bride's parents for food!! disgusting behavior.

 

I haven't looked all the responses, but as a guy, I should point out that your man has not read 'The Manual'.

You: Does this dress make me look heavier?
He: No darling, you look gorgeous no matter what you wear!

You: Is that too many flowers in my hair?
He: No sweetheart, not enough to match your beauty!

You: Was the food bad at the engagement party?
He: Food? What food? I could hardly take my eyes off you in your (gorgeous outfit) all evening ....

Maybe he was off his game that day, but a gentleman would not say "I too thought the food was bad, but it's a trivial matter....".

White lies were invented for situations like this.

 

Well as a woman I would rather hear my man say the food was bad when it was actually bad... to me that means he considers me as his partner and talks is heart to me rather than just using sugar coated words...

of course the sugar coated words are most welcome in addition to the facts being discussed openly... that would be the cherry on the cake..

time to update your manual ??

 

OP, just my 2 cents...

I was pretty much in a similar situation like you 7 years back, only in my case, it was my husband's side relatives suddenly calling my parents 2 days before the wedding and giving them a long list of utensils to buy for the wedding. I was in the middle of putting mehendi and was super-pissed off. I quite shocked the lady who was putting mehendi by suddenly getting up, washing my hands off and asking my parents to call off the wedding immediately. It took a slap (yes, a tight slap at 24 years of age!!!) from my mom to calm me down from my very, very agitated state of mind. After that, I was so irritated and glum at my wedding imagining all sorts of scenarios (quite like the ones from Visu movies, if you're familiar with them) that would occur in my life with my ILs demanding me to bring this and that from my parents' house that you will find me glowering in the wedding pictures, at my husband and all his relatives through the entire 2 days of the wedding. Strangely, my ILs and my parents, all of them seemed to have gotten over this and it seemed like everyone had a fabulous time at my wedding... except me. So.... while red flags should be taken seriously, not every red flag is the sign of danger impending. Today, no one remembers the utensils episode except me when my husband sometimes complains of us having too many things in the kitchen and I have to bite my tongue to not remind him of how we got all that in the first place.

Now coming to your fiance... the person who would matter most to you in this whole picture... I agree that his dealing with the whole episode is quite mature. But the one things that has planted this nagging doubt in my mind is the fact that he complained about the food, while calling it a minor issue. I do not agree with this idea of entitlement he seems to have, that somehow your parents owed him and his family good food and you failed them on that, but he is considering it minor. If it was me, if I really did consider it so trivial, I would not have even made it a point to mention it. It could just be that he lacks the tact to say it, but I would have felt much better if he had said something like "the food was fine, but my relatives would prefer south indian food and if you could just please make sure that we have that for the wedding, it would be good blah... blah...." Make sure your fiance is not thinking to himself what a huge favor he is doing your parents by considering the food issue minor. I would say, take the time to understand your fiance more and never, ever let your parents feel that your husband has done them some huge favor by letting this food issue slide, because he really has not. This engagement was as much for him and his mom/sis as it was for you and your parents. So in that case, if his relatives were so particular about food, he should have been pro-active in the beginning itself and when he was not, he should have dealt with it better. All the best!