is this normal??feeling depressed

Time to do this













Run away as fast as you can

 

100 likes for this.
I did the same mistake too many times for about 10 years. Regret it now.

 

Dear OP,
Pls consider all the replies here.. This is not a good beginning to enter a married life..I am warning you again because I had overlooked all these at the time of my wedding .... The guy will be cool and soft spoken now as he wouldn't want to break off such a good alliance , you are a well educated working girl from good family . Don't undervalue yourself ..Think over it again and again , don't take decisions hastily . Howeve bold you are there is a limit to which you can put up with mil dramas.My husband has changed a lot over these years but when I look back I have no good memories to cherish of our wedding or engagement or any functions thanks to my mil and sil .If given a chance to go back and change something in my life , it would be my marriage not because I don't love my husband but because of all the humiliation I have been through bcoz of his mum and sis.

 

I agree with others its going to be tough dealing with her and your would be may not have any other option but to indulge her. Do u want all this? If you still want to go ahead, be mentally prepared and strict from the beginning.

 

dear,
regarding food: thats how they comment it. everyone will know it is caterrers mistake but it generally comes out to you back. have had same experience in a housewarming ceremony hosted by my Dh's uncle and the food was not good. and everyone kept on telling that food was not good. it hurted my dh's uncle whereas it was caterers mistake.

 

Looks like both your families come from a totally different background. Your future MIL is reacting because how her so called relatives and friends reacted to her (there are people you get pleasure by instigating issues in families). If you like the guy don’t think about this issue too much and move on. If you are going to live with your MIL as a joint family then you have to think twice if you can handle the day to day issues.

P.S: Don’t experiment with food in functions like this just stick to the traditional food from a reputed place.

 

Dear Op,

I couldn't stop my self to reply after reading your post.6 years back i was in your shoes with exact scenario.
Complaining on food on engagement day.Believe me i still regret for not standing up for my self and read the RED FLAGS at that time.we are south Indian's, we served IDLI/VADA a popular south Indian breakfast on the day of our engagement ,we thought everything went well and we were very happy.Next day a big drama started my FIL was yelling and he said VADA is served during Death Anniversaries not for engagement ceremonies.My DH said the exact words as your Fiancee that he will take care of everything and will help my parents in all marriage arrangements and make sure nothing happens.Another RED FLAG which i dint realize at that time.My Marriage day is the worst day of my life,my in laws didn't contribute in anything but they still had complaints on almost every minutest thing in the marriage.I suggest you think twice before taking any decision further.Things will not be same after marriage especially your Fiance might not be the same person as he is today.Every Son will support his mother and will go to any extent to make her happy even if it is at the cost of hurting /blaming his wife and her family.

 

His mother has "spoken her heart".

Now that you understand the heart of your future MIL, do you really wish to proceed?

If that guy is really good, he would have done 'something' to nullify his mom's shouting. Instead, he is only hushing up things.

In an arranged marriage, the head should dominate things till the knot is tied. You can type a lot to convince that he is good, but in the end it is your life.

They say, these days, it is tough to get a bride. Make the best use of this scenario.

 

Hi,

I was in the EXACT same situation as you are and the mess happened even before our engagement. FIL was very very very rude to my dad and the whole incident was revealed much much later on to me by my parents (not wanting to expose me to all such drama and spoil my dreamy state of mind) and my then fiance, now DH. I was super mad at him for keeping it from me but then came to know that he was instrumental behind the half-hearted apology (with a side of taunting remarks) that FIL gave my dad.

Ever since, my parents and IL's have had a strained relationship. My parents spent more than they could afford to meet IL's very subtle demands and they had nothing to crib abt during the engagement and wedding as even if things went wrong - it was their choice of caterer, florist or the hall itself so they kept mum.

But.. But..

I know everyone above has advised you to break your engagement. I strongly object. I want to tell you about my present life. I have been married for close to 2 years now and IL's are with us on a vacation. My parents and IL's still have a SUPER STRAINED relationship, with them treating my parents as doormat first chance they get (I have been shielding my parents as much as possible from IL's). also, I will never forgive my IL's esp FIL for the way he has treated my dad and bad-mouthed him so far - even after our wedding, in matters that was of NO concern of his. But I am now learning not to get all that in my way of treating them.

1. IL's and myself: They have been really awesome IL's for me. She is very sweet, takes care of all household chores and cooking. FIL is caring and concerned too. Agreed that I have my share of problems with them, sometimes I hate them to the core - FIL for his nosiness!!! But all in all, they are definitely good ppl at heart (at least to me) and God knows why they couldn't get along well with my parents.

2. DH-my parents-IL's: I had known DH for about 5 years before we got married and after the afore mentioned incident, I started feeling scary if he was a typical dada's boy (yup, momma's influence isn't as much as dada in my case). And the period during our engagement and wedding only strengthened my fears as a few more relatively minor incidents happened and we both took our respective parents' side and bickered a lot with each other. Life seemed very very scary. But I decided to take a leap of faith as we didn't have any other issues between us and we were going to be away from IL's (and my parents) anyway. But in the past 1 year, I have seen that DH has stood up for my parents on multiple occasions. He has been neutral and level-headed and spoken fairly. I am sure he must come across as a henpecked husband to my IL's (he even cant help pampering me in front of them at times) but he doesn't seem to care.

I thank God for helping me make the right calls. My parents and DH share an awesome relationship and they have started developing a thick skin to IL's taunts. They are getting over all the ill-treatment meted out to them and are happy that DH treats me like a princess and gets along with them also fabulously. So in turn, they expect me to forget everything and forge a strong relationship with IL's - which I am trying very hard to do.

May be I knew my DH for years before we got hitched and that gave me the faith and confidence to go ahead with the wedding. But one of my besties got married this summer and hers was a typical arranged marriage. And guess what? She went through the SAME phase and I witnessed some drama myself on the day of wedding, right under my nose (believe me, I am normally blind and deaf to such politics even if it unfolds very obviously). And another friend of mine who is getting engaged in exactly a week from now (arranged marriage again) is experiencing the SAME thing. In all our cases, our IL's are being super sweet to us but nasty to our parents!

IL's will be IL's no matter what. What you really need to consider and NOT PANIC is:

1. Are you very sure your fiance is in love with you? Unconditionally that is?
2. Are your IL's being nice to YOU?

If the answer to the first question is yes, you shouldn't worry too much. If the answer to both questions are yes, don't worry at all. Things will fall in place. I am not saying you should watch your parents get humiliated. Never ever make them do that for your sake. Ask them to be upfront to your MIL or make them develop a thick skin and go about their business no matter what she says. My parents did bend a lot until our wedding, despite my protests but when they saw that FIL ALWAYS had some issue with dad (even for things that weren't any of his concern), dad decided to stay as far away from them as possible with very very little contact.

And you practically stay out of all this - don't talk to your SIL/MIL abt this AT ALL! Your MIL was rude to your parents, not to you. Let your parents do the talking and handle the situation. You getting in between will only spoil your relationship as well. After the wedding is over, the interaction between your Il's and parents will be drastically reduced but it is YOU who is going to be living with them day in and day out. If you have a good relationship with your MIL, don't spoil it. You will regret this later. In my case, according to my IL's, my parents just don't exist - they never talk to me abt them nor even mention their name in any context in my presence. I return the honors. But if I were to EVER hear any bitching abt my parents, I will make sure that it is clearly unacceptable - in no uncertain terms.

I know all this drama makes you worry abt ur future and totally takes away the pleasure of looking forward to your own wedding - but you will have an awesome life after that. It takes a while to develop an understanding between you and your spouse but once that is in place, nothing can affect you!

I wish you a happy wedding and a blissful married life ;-)

 

Original Poster,

With a heavy heart I have to tell you to walk away from these people.

I know for any host serving good food and get appreciation for that is very important. All the more so for us Indians. However not all things may work as planned and slip ups are possible and some items may not turn out to be as planned. One thing is sure, NO HOST would knowingly serve bad food to invitees.

If the groom's party were half way decent they will keep their mouths shut about this issue, period. If infact the food is bad, I agree you may hear about it in a round about manner from someone. But the important people in this union, the boy, his mother / father SHOULD NOT complain about it leave alone shouting at your mother.

What kind of cheap people would complain about one meal anyway? The right behaviour should have been, even if you ask about the food, they should have smiled it away and told you not to worry!!

I can see how difficult it would be to walk away from this match. Given how they have behaved I can not see them to be all good later on, sorry to say that. However I would love to be proven wrong here.

Anyway, good luck and lots of wishes that everthing works out best for you!!