Not finding much difference between mom and ex MIL after divorce

she is worried internally she is expressing in that way and irritated so she is showing this in way.No mom will do to hurt their child.Its very rare and there must be a disorder....

 

Your Mom doesnt mean to say that you stay out rather she wants you to sleep early at home and have healthy mind/Body.
Yes Prayer do helps a lot in many ways and my mom insists on this as well and she asks me to sleep early as well.
Your mom is little bit harsh in expression but not her intent is good. Probably you can ask her that you will sleep by 10:30 or so and ignore her words.

 

Try to analyse that aspect and work on it! If you are working, try to find a job in a different location, stay in a hostel initially, plan to rent a place, work on owning a place prolly at a later stage - when you have your hands full with all these plans; you will no time to think what your mom, cousin or even the left side of your brain thinks of your right side! Work towards being independent in life and in the long run it teaches you a lot in life.

There is not much you can do about how your mom thinks, feels or reacts even if she is thinking, feeling and reacting the way you say she is or isn't!

 

Barbie,

I am sure you don't understand this.

Let me tell you what I feel.You are building up lot of negetavity yourself.

My parents are visiting me right now.They typically sleep very late and I have 2 younger kids .So we expect everyone sleep early at home.Since my parents are at my home,it's better everyone understand other people issues and work around.

If you are guest in your mom's house like one week that's ok.Unless you have big banglow where your presense don't distrub others it should be ok.Otherwise when you are living in her house(that's right it's her house) and it's better fallowe some rules.

I am pretty sure,if you sleep late you may wake up late and the whole things get distrubed.If you are thinking against your mom,it's not going to help you.So plaese start thinking positive for your betterment.

 

Totally agree with priya..dont be oversensitive to what your mom is saying..prob she is right in her own way...maybe you are blaming her behaviour on ur divorce..but maybe she is concerned and you are not taking it the right way...how can ur mom be equated to ur ex mil?

 

Thats normal behavior of indian mother.When they want you to get married ASAP they start annoying you.

 

Ditto Priya and others. Don't compare your mother with your ex-mil. Your mother is frustrated and un-happy that you are suffering. Why don't u try meditation or some yoga/exercise which will calm you down and you can get better sleep in the night. I remember whenever my mom visited she used to show her frustation by finding faults in everything i do. We used to end up fighting with each other. But later i understood why she was doing like that. everything will take some time. Don't think too much. Just listen to whatever she says and try to make her happy.

 

Dear Barbie

You really need to see a counselor to take away all the negativeness in you, that would surely help you to see only the positives in others. I do not know whether you are a person with negativity or this personality started appearing in you after your divorce, but a good counseling course do some miracles.

When I had my bad times in 2010-2011, and temporarily separated from my husband I had all these symptoms in me. I used to see and feel everything around me in a negative way.

I take other's useful comments and generalized statements in a personalized way and also too negatively. I was not happy inside me; hence I could not make my home happy or to enjoy others happiness either. I was a bad person then.

I attended just 2-3 counselling sessions, and it did all the miracles I wanted for. It bought back the real me, and here I am.

Basically the counselor told me one thing... I love my husband and this marriage deep down in my heart, and I never wanted to leave it for whatever the reason. I am not someone who can think or work on towards a second life either.
But just because I am capable of living alone; hence doesn't need to take the craps of my husband and in laws, I decided to separate him, following my parent's genuine advice. It wasn't appropriate for me.
The separation made all these negativeness in me, I became a bad mom, bad daughter and a bad sibling. I started having jealous on others who had a good marriage. I lost interest in my own life, career and what not...

My story is different... But I meant to say that you need some counseling dear.

My mom still scold me for not sleeping on time. She scold me for keeping all the bright lights on till late nights, and causing her disturbance while sleeping. I listen to her and switch off the bright lights, and turn the dim or the table ones on. Also I learn to sleep early as it helps a healthy life. But I never hate my mom for this, or compare her with my mean MIL.

take things positively

 

Dear,

I can understand your feeling, when we already depressed with all the things which was happened to us, they (mother) just want to show their irritation to us though we expect more love and affection at this time. I never can say only prayers can change everything, but we get peace if we go to temples. They are our parents they should understand our feelings but instead they think again we are burden for them. Being elders and having good experience in life, they should support, motivate, encourage etc us to live everyday till a sunshine comes, but most of the time they miss to do this.................