rich , independent but Emptiness inside

your emotional needs are not completed in this marriage.I dont know if you can change this situation.I believe some men are simply incapable of connecting emotionally to other people,even intimate partner.

 

When you are getting nothing out of this relationship, is it not better to move on and find a person who genuinely loves and cares for you?

 

dear op,

i think you should plan a kid, as his kids are living with their mother, so you need a child of your own. if you didn't have step kids, you would have obviously thought of having kids, inspite of the various infertility issues. so go for it, and don't hesitate to discuss this with your husband.

ask him frankly, what position you hold in his life. tell him since you are legally married, you have the right to know everything and he has to shelter you, that is the law.

make savings, don't spend everything on the household expense. tell him since you married him, it is his duty to provide for all your needs as well to pay for the household expenses.

about his cribbing if you spend for yourself or your relatives, JUST IGNORE...many men have the tendency to do so. continue spending as you wish, obvioulsy staying in the limit. and buy as many gifts as you like for yourself and your relatives. if he questions, then tell, you have just as much rights as his kids, on his property.

and lasty, please don't hold a grudge against your step kids, just because of his attitude. be nice to them. they will inturn take care of you later in life. when he sends them stuff, you too buy things for them, and send it from your side, so they too realise that you care for them. i am quiet sure hubby does not include your name when he sends them gifts.

i don't know what the situation exactly is, like how long you have been married and so on. but you can also have a stright talk with him, and ask him what he is going to leave you behind with.

good luck

 

if you do all the household work, and he does not contribute at all in the house work, tell him you will not contibute a single penny from your salary for the house.

tell him that either you both share all the expenses and house work, or he pays the bill and you do all the housework. its 50 50 in any marriage.

lastly i feel the faith you belong to, and the law under which you two married is very important. check the rights of the secod wife, in your country's law.

 

During the time of your marriage you know that he is coming with a baggage (kids),you might have thought better that time than to worry now.
From what all happening looks like he is just there not supporting you in anything, if you have a kid do you think he is going to love, care baby same as other kids that's one question. to avoid your loneliness you trying to have a kid that's not right, kids has to be result of parents love not for any other purpose. As you desperately feel that he is avoiding/neglecting, putting down you all the time because of not having kids then you might see that from some of your conversations. first you need to set up your mind do you want to live with him with out no love, care, support etc.. then if you do then are you ready to take care of the baby all by yourself then go head. anyway you earning then go see the good doctor and try for kid. After the doctor you can regret having kid and kid being neglected by dad it would be too late then.

I don't think giving him share of salary is going to make him feel better rather he is going to insult you telling some other things. try to find a friend with whom you can share your thoughts, problem atleast some relief rather than nothing

 

Bringing kids into a relationship which is not working is not a good idea.
OP is it possible for you to divorce this guy.You seems from middle eastern country.I dont know how easy it is there to remarry.Living with this kind of guy who is ridiculing you all the time for few next decades is not good idea.

 

Dear OP

First of all, my hugs to you.

Reading your post and title, I conclude myself that you are an independent, rich and socially secured woman with a job in hand.. That speaks, definitely you are above the general women of India, who are more or less dependent to their partners.

Having said that, if you still want to live in this relationship with this man, who cares less on you makes me believe that there is something else that you may want to tell us.

As Satchi quoted below :

I strongly believe that you are getting something out of this relationship and it is definitely NOT nothing. Therefore you still want to work out this, instead of breaking this up and find a new one. Right?

If so.... Read the below response... else leave it.

- You know from the beginning that you are marrying someone who has responsibilities towards his biological kids. No difference from marrying a woman with kids too.
They are his kids, and it is his responsibility to provide them as much as he wants, can and also on demand.
Just because he is re-married, doesn't make him any different from his relationship with his own kids.

By marrying him, you have replaced his first wife, not his kids... No one, even your future kids can not replace them. That's the reality.

Above all, he is spending on his own kids from his own hard earned money. Not asking you to contribute or support for this. Even if he asks so, I wouldn't stand against that too. Remember, if a woman remarry to a man with her kids, wouldn't she expect him to provide on them too?

Coming to your problem....

He says that he is all okay for you to have a natural baby. Good for you, but again that did not help with your health condition. Hold on there.

He is not supportive towards any of your attempts to bring a change in your fertility issue. But again, he is not against that either.

In fact, he as a man married to you for a companionship, not out of love or affection. It is a practical second marriage.

He doesn't need kids out of this marriage, because he has them already. But he wouldn't mind any new addition either.

You badly need a kid into your life, since you find it boring, and lonely; so you must try for it.

I know that you are capable, educated enough to find a fertility center and get your self treated there. You basically do not need your husband to accompany you every time. It is a blessing itself that he is not against your plans.

Treat yourself, have hopes, and do not stress your mind about what and how he treats his own children. Specially do not compare your self with his kids.

If you needs sweets to your siblings, buy them on your own. Do not ask him to buy or do not ask shares from what he has bought for his kids.

A stress free life would definitely help you in treating your fertility issue. Concentrate on that, specially if you are capable of managing your kid all alone without your husband's fullest support.

Remember, he may turn nice towards your kid, or may not even remember that he has a kid out of your relationship. Because it is YOU who need it so badly, not him. So, try convincing yourself to manage your life and kid all alone. If you need the joy of being a mom, you must also need to spend some extra efforts too.

 

There is a reason why marriage did not work out for the first wife inspite of having kids! Please do not assume kids will automatically fill an emptiness created by lack of understanding /insensitivity/immaturity of a spouse.
Having a secured job, being financially independant, holding a social status are all on your side.....live with pride dear. You are not dependent on anyone for anything, be courteous and kind to everybody but beyond that you do not have to compromise your standing for anyone. Don't show any emotional dependence to your husband he is taking advantage of it......have fun without him. Take trips, go on vacation, join classes, take up new hobbies, make new friends, go on shopping spree, indulge yourself and feel refreshed.laugh his comments off, don't wait hand and foot on him, stay focused on yourself and keep busy....your loneliness will reduce and you will gain new confidence. Good luck dear:thumbsup