Is My Marriage Over and am I Living in Denial?? Please advice urgently :( :(

Please listen to your parents - it may not be what you want to hear but...they're right.

You can try to persuade him to seek counseling if you wish, but don't get your hopes up. I am sorry to say this but...he won't change.

 

OP, sorry to say but yes you made a terrible mistake by marriage this jerk. He has contacted your ex to know about your past, got into depression before marriage. and you married him?

sorry to say, but very unwise decision. please think about future and career. im sure you can do better EVEN WITHOUT HIM.

Take care and wise decision. be bold and dont let others rule your self respect

 

Do you want to be with him for the rest of your life..say 40 years ..Dont expect peopel to chnage easily..so its possible that he might be behaving the xact way he does now .....sometimes it ll be less sometimes it ll be more..and u will be having 1000 more responsiblities..Do you want to hear all his nonsesne for 40 years !!
If you like to give more time to ur marriage -

1.Talk directly with your ex boy friend..and ask him why he told ur husband lies..You can also ask your husband to come with you...Let 3 of you sit together and talk..If he again lieing..call his parents and tell him what he ve caused you!
2.Take your husband to a counseller
3.It is an art to be happy with inlaws...WE HAVE TO PUT LOT OF EFFORT!!!
4.Tell your husband that if he never brings out the issue again you will make effort to patch up with his family.

But probablity is that he will behave the same way hearing what you said...

Never Be jealous that ur husband gets happily married..BE sympathetic to that girl who marries him..Even if you doenst ve any affair he wud ve come with something else..!!

Thats a life you hated so dont even give a regret thought abt it if u r going for divorce..

Beleive me ...Marriage is not sacrificing and adjusting to make others happy...

We should and need to adjust sometimes to make marriage life "more" happy and beautiful...We can never "create" happiness with adjusting..It will create only frustration...
You have a job..focus on your career..Think about a marriage once you feel good about urslef..B4 goin to another relation sort the issue wth ex boyfriend..

 

RUN AWAY for your life. 13 months means no deal in the long run. I am amazed at how worried you are about a remarriage. Isn't it a bit too soon?

- You are working, earning and have a career. Try to get out and stand on your own feet. If possible, move out of the city where you are in for a few months.

- Don't expect him to change. People like this don't change. Many will advise you to give him time, talk to him patiently, show him your love. But you know, he wont change. Unless a person makes his own effort, he will not move from where he is.

- Counselling etc may work. But that's not your focus now.

- Why would you even bother for a relationship of 3 months, 2 years back? In most of the world, that's just a FLING.

Last, a divorce is HARD. But living together like this is HELL. You choose, babe.

Cheers,
Arch

 

What am wondering is, OP knows for sure before marriage, that her would be actually went to her ex and asked him some stupid questions. how, oh HOW and WHAT on earth are you to get married to such a jerk?

 

we all make mistakes (sometimes big and sometimes small) and OP also made a mistake.
Now, let us advice OP.

OP,
My huggsss to you... You know what to do better than anybody else. Do you feel insecure or unsafe with your DH and his family ? If that is the case then first take some steps to protect yourself. Stay somewhere else. may be a temporary separation.

I can not say do not worry about future. But just because you are worried about your future , don't be in this HELL everyday.

Stay calm. Do not react to whatever your husband says (I know it is difficult but it is the best thing to do).

My good wishes for your future.

 

Desigirl,
You told your fiancé about your ex, big mistake never ever reveal your past , no desi man can get over the fact that his wife who is supposed to be pure got involved with any guy.
Next mistake was marrying the jerk who met your ex and had an exhaustive talk, who knows what the ex told ,real or fabricated.
It appears that you ignored the major red flag and got married, PILs will always side with their DS like your parents are siding with you.
It would be good to stay apart for at 6 months to work out the problems , you may feel that staying alone is not so bad!
You are backing off your threat to divorce after slapping (DV) , who knows he may take revenge, you have compounded the issue.
He seems to be a psycho who went around interviewing your ex.

You have all chances of finding a nice mature guy and lead a normal guy while H does not, he will suspect his wife all his life.
Staying married is not the only thing, thank God there are no kids as yet.

 

I disagree with this. A foundation of any marriage is love and trust. Hiding your past purposely to your would-be husband is always dangerous. Who knows, one day he would come to know your past, and feel completely lost. It is equal to cheating.

Rather, you could reveal your past (not every bits and pieces in detail) to your would -be and see his reaction well in advance of your marriage. If he is okay with that, and let that go smoothly, then consider marrying him. If he is stick to it, and seems upset, the in fact you must make a decision whether he suits you or not.

In OPs case it was her mistake as she claims, that she overlooked her then would-be husband's suspicions and discomfort over her past.

Some men can not take it, can not handle it that easily, but some can let that go too. The success of a marriage stays with finding the right partner, not the nice one.

 

As some one suggested why don't you go for legal seperation and see how things turn around.