Confused! Want to vent..

Every marriage has its ups and downs. As a partner, you need to encourage him to look for a job and stay focused on a profession which he is most qualified to get into. You may have to bear the burden for a while.

What concerns me more is your inability to have normal physical relations. It is correct to postpone kids in favor of financial stability, but a rule to avoid being intimate can only be detrimental. You both need to be aroused to ensure penetration and a lot of foreplay helps. I do not wish to be graphic here but you can send me a PM and I could probably give you a few tips.

Good luck.

R

 

I have been told that we get whatever destiny has in store for us, irrespective of people we are interacting with. Suppose you had married someone with stable income and stable mindset but then there might be other problems like SIL, MIL or health issues or other issues. Everyone might not believe in destiny but it helps to not think too much about what could have happened. Whatever decisions have been made has been made. No point crying over spoiled milk. Now lying or not, thats for you to judge. I would suggest that you keep most of your earnings to yourself and give him bare minimum money for survival. no party, no friends no nothing. invest into something and keep money secured. He must have lost his job but he must be having some savings to take care of his personal expanses. IMO kids only after job seems to be a good decision as it will give you freedom from unforeseen circumstances. no need to stress him too much about what is he doing about job, just try to educate him to be not so fickle minded and focus on one thing. He should understand. If he doesnt then take control and tell him that this approach will lead him nowhere and he needs to decide on his career because your life depends on it. Dont ever be foolish enough to burn every penny for him.

 

Dea OP,

Don't pressurize him too much. At least he is trying to find a job. If it was the other way around, would u like it if he breathes down your neck about finding a job. We women talk about equal rights, but we fail to practice what we preach. If the husband is on a work break, we feel v insecure...but this is only temporary.....just encourage him and give all the support he needs.

 

Don't treat him like a loser or failure. Help him source for other jobs, Do what you can to assure him that things will be alright. Instead of supporting him u r thinking of the missed alliances, this is too bad. Really it will affect ur happy life. Remember, its only temporary cut backs so try not to make it into a major issue. Help your husband by making some major adjustments to your lifestyle, Times are tough for all of us so know that you all wont be the only family making adjustments!

So Start trying to find work as soon as you can to help out. Good luck to you and your family.

 

I walked in the same path as yours a few years before. But my hubby was so particular about his job that he didn't apply for others. I tried to help him to get a job but nothing was fruitful so I left it to the Almighty. But I was so sure of not having a kid until he had his job. After a very very long wait he got a job with a good pay. I had my first kid only after sensing that he is going to get a job soon. Now all is fine and well. But I want to have another baby but my hubby says he is too old to have a baby now.

 

Dear OP, marriage is not a bed of roses. There will be tough times, and what matters is how u deal with them. Encourage him to find a job, and how u support him will help building the relation between u two. Marriage is based on trust, understanding and support, and rest everything falls into place. Give ur relation sometime and see how things work.

 

how serious were those lies? white lies?