Being emotionally independent

For the first time in five years since my marriage, today Ihave become emotionally independent.

My H lost his temper on me yesterday for something so sillyand did something which I told him not to do. I wanted to color my hair andwanted to visit a parlor. He wanted to accompany me but I knew it wouldn’t bepossible with his packed schedule. I finally agreed upon getting the color homeso I could do it at home but he didn’t get it since it didn’t have the color Iwanted. I made a "face" according to him on hearing that and heyelled at me in front of my sis and mom. And then proceeded to ask about theday to my sister which I have warned him not to do (asking my sister fordetails when I am there). He usually does that when we are fighting and hewants to know what is happening in the house, he will ask my sis. I ask himwhat he does if she is not there and he tells me that he wouldn’t ask anybody.What crap….if that’s the case why doesn’t he practice it right now only. Whywait until she is married?

I spoke to him normally when it was needed and have not madean effort since then to talk. Usually, it is me making the patch-up every time we fight. Something broke inside meyesterday. I don’t even feel like calling him nor has he called. Yes, I willtalk to him normally when I have to.

Can't I think or feel bad within me if was not able to dyemy hair yesterday (since I have 50% grey)? No, I shouldn’t be coz that’s notmatured enough. Maturity for him understanding when something cannot happen andalso "not feel bad about it". He used to make me feel guilty fortrying to dress up good. Yes, I have two kids. But that doesn’t mean that Ishould look like a maid when I go to office. I earn well but to spend what Iearn, I feel 1000X guilty.

Feels horrible and terrible to be alone but atleast now I will have mypeace of mind. My H is a kind of a person who has to know each and everythought of mine. He deduces every expression of mine. Initially it wasbeautiful for me but now it is unbearable.
A week earlier, we ended up having adebate over why I choose a particular brand of sanitary pad over another infront of my mother!! Reason is he is trying to understand me and my selection.Why can't I just buy what I want?....i might buy products depending on my mood.If I feel like it, I might buy the costliest or the cheapest…no but he has toknow why I make a particular selection. Also for him, he either will involvehimself in anything 100% or will not get involved at all. For instance, he willinvolve himself in every aspect of my life right from knowing why I choose aparticular brand or will not at all be bothered at all even for selecting ahouse for rent or something similarly big.

I feel I will have a peaceful life if I just do my own work.I just wanted to vent out here since if I don’t I might end up calling him outof habit. All these days though I found this attitude of his irksome, I neverhad the courage to tell him that I would be happy to be doing my things alonebecoz it used to terrify me to do things for myself all alone. But now I feel Ican. I am ready to do my own things than take his help and answer his 1001questions!!!!!

Am I wrong anywhere? Am I overreacting?

 

not working or earning and still spending?????? thats something i am not so sure about!!

 

i really really would love to do all these things. But the minute i try to get some rest, he reminds of some work that is left to done for either of the babies. I no longer have any my time. You know, the only my time i get these days is the time i come to office. It is so peaceful and away from all my problems.