Amma-Appaji..Miss you :(

Dearest Amma-Appaji....

Sometimes when I breathe, there is a pain in my heart.
It reminds me the loss.
seconds,minutes, days and years,.. have passed by.
Yes, it is not the first thing I think about when I wake up.
Niether is it the last thing I think about before I sleep.
Everytime I lose myself,it reminds the biggest loss of my life.
When I feel hopeless,insecure,lonely..I wish you were here.
I know things would'nt change if you were here. but I know it would defenetely change the way I look at things.
Feeling lonely and missing you alone was so painful, Feeling lonely in the crowd is even painful.
Nothing can bring a sigh of relief like ur words of comfort did appaji. Nothing can beat the warmth of your hug amma.
27yrs old, and I still seek the warmth, I still seek the comfort.I still miss you like a kid.
I had convinced myself not to ask Why.
yet again, when the wave of helplessness is so harsh, I tend to give up on the convinced thought.
I shout with all my emotions and pain, even the walls have closed their ears.
compromise in all walks of life is a practise that I follow.
I have the will, but the way is all musky.
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
When I walk these miles,do not leave me alone. For, 'You' is all I have with me.The rest is with me,only in happy times.

Missing you..
Smartgirl

 

Thank you so much mapleleaf..its true that parents are irreplaceable. The feeling of security is so much when they are around. The confidence that no one will bully you directly or indirectly..when u have a tough wall.
Its not promise that you will never fall in to troubles, but its a promise that when you fall into troubles,you still feel its not the end of the world, jus becoz u have ur parents around you..its a different feeling!!
This Fathers day..I feel numb.for all those convinced thoughts that "my parents exist in the form of memory, and henceforth will always be with me, no matter what" seems to have losing its shine. After all presence does make difference.
With time, I had expected to learn to live with what ever form they exist for me. Off late, I realize, the wound is till fresh and will never heal.This is something that I will never learn..."to be okay with out my dear parents around me"


Smartgirl