how to handle in laws

Let them come. You cannot stop them from coming. How much time is left for them to come? If its still few months/weeks, from today itself chalk out a strict timetable for yourself to follow, so that you have very few time left in the day to face in-laws. (are you working, by the way? I'm assuming you are not.)

- Try to find a job (volunteering if you are on h4)
- Or join a gym. Or visit the library everyday.
- Its summer now. So you can take daily walks morning and evening.
- Keep yourself busy at home too.
- Don't go overboard to please them by cooking a lot. Keep a simple breakfast. Simple dal, chawal, roti, sabzi for lunch and dinner. Don't plan anything elaborate.
- Take afternoon naps. Fix a time for it.
- Find something to fill up the empty periods of the day. For ex. with pujas, shlokas, etc.

In short, sit down and write down what you are planning to do for each and every hour of the day.

On weekends, plan a full day outing. So that they are busy sightseeing and you don't have to handle them. Or if you have friends, invite them to lunch or dinner so that you escape the weekends too.

In short, keep yourself so busy that you have no time left to take their !@#$. And simply run away at the very sign of trouble. Say you remember some work and go away in other room or outside. All the best to you. :thumbsup

 

some of the things that I learned after inlaws visit are :

1. Do hat you usually used to do includes eating, taking time to relax, talking to friends, going out etc...do not change your routine because they are here. In my case, I thought of being nice to them and started to adjust based on their likings, eating time etc and soon my inlaws took over my schedule and expected us to do everything that they want which included 4 hrs of skype sessions every morning where I would give my laptop to them , do cleaning, make breakfast, take care of kid and wait for the conversation to get over and start my work. I have a business and the revenue directly depends on how much time I spent to work( laptop) .so for the months they were here my revenue was almost zero...

2. Do not offer to be nice to them like let me cook for you, let me make tea, let me clean etc- Let them take responsibilities to few things and take incharge of some household stuff. After a busy hectic day, even if i sued to get an hour to myself i thought they will think I'm lazying around so would continue offering mys services to them. It was a mistake. No if I have to stay in my room doing nothing I would just do that .it does not matter what they think of me

3.Keep less communication - Do not talk too much , just what is required- I used to make conversations as if I'm talking to my parents, but they are not my PARENTS . So when we talk cordially, things are taken wrong. I also said things that I would say to my parents like change this in the house, it does not look good etc etc and all those things backfired me...since i stopped having nice conversations with them, i have minimal interference and no stress

4. Do not take crap -if they say something to you like taunts reply back imeediately.Take your revenge right then and there and never ever bring that to your husband....you handle your problem yourself

5. Do not complain to your husband - be mature, grown up now.If you feel stressed for something, you are living wiht them all day long, give them back yourself smartly the way they do to you. Do not take it to your husband. He will say that you are wrong no matter what ...so you handle your issues yourself. Be smart and start giving back when and as required

6. Last but not the least - some of crap that they say or do , does not matter so ignore
just stay quiet and ignore and do what you think is right...

 

i like the idea from sweet shereya keep your busy all day long.....so that you have no time for taking their crap...

 

God helps them who help themselves.. simply praying to God isnt enough.

If you want to tell your H that you dont mind ILs coming here, then simply tell him that. Why is it so hard to communicate this?

If you MIL has health issues that your H doesnt agree to, just think of alternate ways of how to handle it. Idle mind is devils workshop.. so dont let her sit idle, get cable connection with Indian channels, they can watch movies and soap operas. If they like outside food, get it for them, you can cook at home for yourself and H. Find alternate ways to make things easy, instead of worrying that things are not perfect.

If she like arts/crafts, bring some stuff from Michaels and engage yourself in that, seeing you she might be interested to join. Like bring some chamkis/beads and get a plain saree and start working on crafts work that may keep her engaged.

This is just an example, basically engage her as per her interests.

 

Hi I guess Sweetshreya, Goahead, Greenbow has given good suggestions.

I'm adding my 2 cents. Please don't think you have to create a good picture of yourself in your DH's mind. The more you try to pose for that ..I believe it would take a reverse gear. Instead be yourself.

Get yourself occupied most of the time and make them occupied as others mentioned here.

Try to be as normal as possible. Never try to collate things about them and wait for your DH to return and pour out. Men will not listen specially - complains about their dear parents.

Be patient and never lose your temper. But never give up to them and be a loser.

 

Dear I am so sorry for your situation. Pray to god and just keep calm most of the times dont pay any attention to their words. Do your work and go for a walk , sit in your bedroom and browse ,this is all I can suggest if you dont want to get into hassles.

For Inlaws entertainment tell your DH to have a dish connection and ask them to watch TV ,and tell your MIL to help you in kitchen.Talk to them very less.