Life without friends

We moved to Norway sometime back because of my wife's lucrative job offer from here. Ever since then, i have been staying home as our daughter is little. I have lost touch with almost all my friends back home, I totally know how you feel and there are many like us. That's why the internet and IL is for, but that can also not compensate fully for friends in person. cheers still!

 

I am also sailing in the same boat.,. Lost contact with all my school friends.,,tried to contact one of my close friends last week, With great difficulty I got her cell number, I messaged her, dint get a reply... finally called her up, she told she was busy , so didnot get time to reply , I felt really bad, She was not interested to talk to me .I am not going to call her again ...

 

hello ladies..lets make new friends here..i too dont have any one..but i LIKE to make u all as my friends...anybody ready to HOP in this new ship of FRIENDSHIP...i am getting bored today..what abt u all ppl...

 

Yeah...sure:thumbsup. I am also getting bored without friends.

 

I am in the exact same boat, dear. I can totally feel your pain and frustration..! Although I am newly married and can consider my husband my friend, still it's not the same as having a few good friends of my own gender. In fact, until my marriage, I had almost no friends..! None in school, none in college etc. Most people belong to 'gangs' of friends, but I never did. My husband is the complete opposite of me though, in this regard. He's really popular!

But of course, there are reasons and factors behind my lack of friends. Negative circumstances prevented me from building social circles or fitting in. I'm sure that once I lay them out, most people would understand. But still, can't help feeling a bit abnormal from time to time.

 

well i live in a rented house for the past 6 years now. my divorced inlaws live nearby. i am surprised people smile and talk to me only when we cross each other during walks. otherwise no one invites me for any function, even though neighbours. i am surprised. they talk to me during walks but ignore me for all functions and even if i am at home. i too respond only if they talk, else ignore. i feel really bad, but what can i do to improve the situations. any ideas

 

Yes so far throughout my life I have faced this exact situation, that my peers/classmates either ignore me completely, or else they talk to me out of politeness when they see me in classroom/on street but only remain like acquaintances and nothing more. I was never ever invited to any gatherings, functions, hangouts etc. Still today I am not, even though I always behave in a friendly way with everyone. It's a terrible situation and I still haven't been able to find any solution for it. Am I some sort of an alien?? :idontgetit:

 

I have also had trouble making and keeping friends. Its a social thing i never learned.Throughout school in india it was same and moving to US in my teens didnt help at all. My parents did not socialize at all other than wirhin family and were working 7 dys to make ends meet. I had a few friends so i wasnt lonely or anything but I never invited anyone home and vice versa. Same in college. so sad to think back at all this. Then my i met my DH. I found that he grew complete opposite. His parents had an open home for kids friends. So many have had impromptu meals at my inlaws house i have no idea how my mil managed feeding so many. Many of those childhood friends of DH still call or email my in laws as they remember them as loving parents. I can see that my in laws and DH openly accept people without expecting anything back. I am trying to be same for my kids so that they also learn to be open hearted and break this cycle.

Another thing i observed that to make friends you have to initiate. And be willing to take no as well without feeling bad. In the next neighborhood there are a big group of indians who all moved in when that housing opened. Right away one started monthly potlucks in each house just to meet. You only had to do it once in your house as rhere were dozen families. It really helped them bond. Now they have instigated smaller meets like karaoke club, book club, hiking club, where one person takes charge and organiZe via email. No food involved. Of course everyone doesnt take part in all and they do some hobby they like. I only came to know of all this recently when we got pulled into karaoke club as one of them knew my DH sings well. It was an eye opener as to how these families manage to socialize so well. We brought our friend into the club when we hosted in our house and now he also has met new families. I doubt all will become close friends but you mighthit it off with one or two.

One lady i met last year when she moved into neighbhorhood and did not know anyone, she picked up daughters school directory and cold called 20 families in the area to meet at park in eve and bring a dish . Many showed up and some have remained her friends. I would never have guts of of doing such bold thing.

Another friend of mine have superbowl party, oscar night party, just casual, bring a dish to share and enjoy. You cannot count on others reciprocating but you can do your part. I just had a superbowl get together for sons friends. It was a bit of work for me but i bought pizza, chips, drinks and called it good and sat and watched game. Next season i plan to have a monthly sunday night football group so that i make the effort. That way You dont have to always have meaningful conversations like you do at a proper dinner party yet you still get to laugh and be part of group. You can invite others but no gaurantee that they will call you unless you set it up ad a rotating club kind of thing.
I used to call 3 families in rhe area once a year as we had kids same age but we grew apart as they never called us back. Always when they met at ours they will say we only meet because of you blah blah. I stopped after a few years as i also got busy. Made me wonder if something wrong with me. But i guess we move on and try again.
Wishing everyone all the best in the art of socializing.

 

I too feel the same.. In office, we can't be much close to our colleagues but school or college friends are entirely different. Really, I miss them....