How to stop abuse??

Hi ladies,
I am 42 year old women married for 17 yrs have a child. we have love and arranged marriage from different caste.
I was very happy with him he gave me all the things women can want. Even PIL were not that nice to me but it didn't mattered. But past 5 years he is being emotionally unavailable to me. We live in diffrent rooms he doesn't want to talk or wants to share anything with me he hides everything from me. No sexual contacts with him from more than past 5 yrs. I try to bring those matters infront of him he says he just doesn't care about anything anymore. I just don't understand his behaviour. I was crying for days and went in to depression than suicidal thoughts started coming. I live in usa and i live in a neighborhood where no indian are there and he slowly started controlling my friends in coming in our house than i was being restricted to not talk to anyone on phone. last year We moved to nc and i was not interested in buying house but secretly he hired broker and gave me warnings with couple of houses he showed me and than he just went ahead and bought it.now no one can come to our house. I'm very deeply hurt by his day to day abuse. He did beated me once i was 4 month pregnant. he has developed very short temper and he hurts ds also when i see my ds's little fingers red and armed twisted than i do try prevent it but i get hurt also in the process.My physican told me to see therpist and i did find a good one but the problem is my dh doesn't want to go there i did took him couple of times but now he doesn't want to go. My all docters are telling me that i'm being emotionally ,psychologically verbally abused. he is using his withholding patterns to getting things done his way he doesn't want to know what i think and waht i want.it's like i don't exist anymore. he is planning to invest all his savings in some business. he talks to everyone very nicely but me. Out side of our house in the market he behaves fine with everyone. he talks to his sis and my inlaws very nicely. he discloses every thing to them. he says that food i prepare for him is not good because i'm putting bad thoughts in it. Same food i also eat my ds also eat that food. he keeps me so confused sometimes i just don't understand anything. he says i cann't do thing. believe me in this house i clean our very big house every week twice than go shop for groceries and take me ds to extra curricular activites and i do earn some money through stock trading. he gives me money only 10-20$ for our ds monthly. he was physically abused by his sis throughout his childhood .but now their diffrences were patched up by my FIL.I just don't want to give him more and more power by surrendering all my wishes to him. I want my ds to study here but i feel i am suffocating in this house whenever he is around i feel uncomfortable. whenever he shouts i start having anxiety attacks.(chest pain tightness and berathing get unregulated i can't walk) i have to carry med. with me everywhere. now he has planned to bring PIL here in us for forever i'm in no condition of taking care of them but since i don't matter he would do whatever he wants to do.i'm sure our marriage situation will go worst in front of them. My dh never liked his mom but i like her but now my FIL controls her also she tells me that she can't do anything because of my FIL.She tells me she knows her H is poisoning my dh mind about me. she did scolded my H couple of times but my FIL takes phone from her.My question is how to stop that abuse??I just can't take it anymore even my body is telling me that. I'm keeping myself busy with my ds's study and his school and helping others in the school etc. But still this is like living alone with child.My self esteem is gone because i heard every day that i can't do anything . I want to talk to somebody because my dh won't talk at all and won't let me talk to others either. Only freedom is this laptop until he is okay with it otherwise he disconnects my internet also whenever he is upset.I just go weekly to see my diffrent doctors and talk to their nurses and them. I feel like i'm not being considered as a human being. i can't speak to him because he puts earphones and never hear me.whenever i ask him take them off he pretends like he is not at all hearing me. i feel very lonley and sad all the time. i'm sorry my english is not that good and post is too long.please give me your thoughts.

 

It was got reported in school also but they suggested him to take anger management classes. it happened twice you know now my ds is understanding everything we try lock our self or i just try remind him these things. physical things pinching twisting hands and kicking is becoming less and less but pinching still going on sometimes so i just try keep them apart whenever i see the possibility of anger from him.

 

Thank you Nandita I'll try to find those books and read and will see those videos.

 

Hi Sujana,
You are right about every thing. I'm in the process of finding what is going on in his mind.I also think my SIL and FIL are saying somethings about me that he(dh) is following. My therapist says she sees person who is not willing to change.She gave me to options get a job here or go back to india and get a job there. I'm educating myself from videos,books about marriage and simply how to live happily.

 

I'm little bit scared to decide by myself to go to india. I do agree with you i shouldn't hide in the room but what to do when physically you can't handle him. he is so strong i'm not. I want to be financially independent in india
but i'm home maker past 17 yrs. all skills are gone. i'm not sure what i'll do there.but i do have a place to stay.