Suicidal

May be she has not been realizing what she is doing. You love her, so calmly make her understand how her actions are affecting you and your life. Explain to her how is she taking over the control of your marital life.

 

Dear Godsgp,

I can very well relate to what you are going through. You can also read my thread and the replies on I hate my mother. Like yours my mother also has the urge to feel superior than me. She will never acknowledge that I have a good career, deal with the government and the politicians and am earning quite well. In fact once infront my MIL she said I got the job because no other candidates applied the job. Bull ****. There were more than 300 candidates competing for the position and only 58 were selected after attending 3 different interviews.

She also doesn't eat what I cook even if it's her favorite. But she will enjoy if it's cooked by others and praise them endlessly. I was at mum's place for delivery. I look after my baby most of the time. She calls my relatives and tells them she is doing all the work and says that I don't even know how to dress the baby, change diaper etc.

I had enough with her and slowly learning to ignore her nonsense. I know it's difficult to confront her or raise your voice at her and warn her to be within her limits but you have to do it if you want to have a peaceful life. Chances are she will never change but don't tolerate her anymore, give it right there and then when she crosses her limit or insults you in public. At least she will think twice before putting up her nonsense.

 

Godsp,

If your mother is making you feel suicidal, please please find her a place to live separately but closeby. I know of someone who has the exact issue like yours and I cant tell you how much it effected her and the people who love her. She might be your mother, the one who brought you into this world but your sanity is much more important that relationship.

 

Hey!

Looks like you got my mil as your mother!

If you can't kick your mother out of the house try the following

First thing hire a maid,discuss with your husband regarding this. No need to ask your mother, finalize everything with the maid and then tell your mother she is coming to work from tomorrow. What will happen at the max??? Your mother will scream at you, insult you, disagree. Just walk away and say its your final decision! This is way better than suicide!

You and your husband along ith kids plan a vacation for somedays, even a weekend getaway will do. Don't take your mom with you, she might feel left out its okay. She will survive. She might be annoyed. It's okay, again this is better than suicide.

Each time whether in public or private she insults you, just walk away from her.
Ignore her in your big bungalow. If she is in the kitchen goto the bedroom, if she comes to bedroom goto kitchen,get the point? Try to stay away from her and talk minimum!it may all be difficult for you and your mom but again it's better than suicide!

If your mom is dominating then get some of her genes into you. Become dominating from today, from now!
What's the worse that will happen to you from her apart from shouting at you and insulting you?? Can she throw you out of the house? No. Can she cut you out of finance? You are earning and have a job! Is she stopping your husband from loving you? No. So you are not in any real danger from her.
Be strong. You are educated, so what if it's your mother. Be bold and speak up! Have some confidence in life!

 

Set some boundaries for her.

You dont have to kick her out, nor do you have to commit suicide.

Even people who love their mothers dearly have situations when they say no to her. Overruling your mother on some decision does not mean you have betrayed her or hate her or that you are bad person.

So learn to say no and overrule her decisions in your house. Start small and practice often.

Take charge of the decisions of your house. Dont discuss them with her. 'Inform' her at last minute or per 'your' convenience. Walk away when she starts to scream and yell. If she follows, raise one hand to stop her and say simply. "It is my house, and my decision. Take it or leave it." and go away from there.

Do this consistently. Dont yield to any blackmail attempt, she may say I want to leave, or present wrong picture to your h. Shrug and say as you wish.

She will realize and back off. Or she will herself leave.

 

Have a talk with her. She will fight and not agree with this is your house and you should not be bullied in ur own house. Hire a maid with strict instructions that only u are going to give out chores and manage them.
Stop listening to her and get back your job. Keep DH out of this. She is ur mother, you deal with her.

Please stop thinking about suicide. There are others with terminal illness, poverty and many issues. They will gladly trade places with you.

Your life is your own. Don't let anyone run it for you.

 

Look all this is easier said than done. The place to start is with your decision making. Probably she has criticized you so badly all your life, you are poor at making decisions. You hesitate a lot, keep second-guessing yourself, what if you are wrong, what if there is wastage, or loss and so forth. You keep worrying about this and finally let it to her decide because you cant deal with the anxiety and the hassle, right?

That is the place to start. First of all make a firm resolve that this time you will make the decision. And whether it turns out that you are right or wrong, you will carry your decision through. If you are right you will get confidence for next time. If you are wrong you will learn from the mistake and use it for next time. Guard against the thoughts of what if this happens, that happens, you are wrong, wastage, loss by telling yourself firmly it is okay, you will bwar the losses and the wastage, you are earning now, so you will cover the loss with your own money, so it doesnt matter. Then pick any one area and resolve that you will take the decision for that. Start as small or big as you are comfortable. If she tries to waver your resolve by saying oh no I am sure you didnt think of this, you didnt consider that, then cut her off and tell her it is your decision and your responsibility. And carry out your intention in that area. Later even suppose it turns out you made an error of judgement, dont let her nag you about it forevermore. Just cut her off with a matter of fact, so what? Dont people make mistakes, didnt you make that mistake or this mistake and make her be quiet and walk off from there.

Do this consistently and your self-confidence will slowly grow and come back.