should I let this go?

You need to first take care of your own self as you had recent delivery. Attend to your back pain first and let other things wait. Like others said, you are trying to overdo things. If your inlaws want to cook for 20 people, let them do it as long as they do not ask your help. Your newborn should be your priority now. Your health will be afffected if you worry about n number of things which are not in your control OR say things which you want to control.

 

FS, I wanted to write more. Just that I didn't want to get whacked by Satchi wherever necessary.

 

Perfect example of Male ego.

When will this Indian society change ? Why men are given so much importance even today?

 

My thoughts exactly Apaasn! You have mentioned everything that I was thinking when reading the initial problem...

You need to let go of some things just for the peace of mind, that too right after a c-sect! You should have taken some time in recovering rather than getting your hands full in a months time! For a c-sect, a good 8 wks rest is required. The back pain you are experiencing is due to lack of resting.

Don't neglect yourself in the midst of all this. Weigh out what is really important for you. Pamper yourself, as Apaasn mentioned let your ILS cook, its not like they are asking you to cook. You sit back and relax, enjoy the bonding time with your kids... and if possible your hubby too...

All the best!

 

Dear ATI,
You have taken on too much , too soon. Hence he thinks Pooh, she can do it why help? Moreover he knows he can get away with it.
You are not making too much of it. Just relax and take it easy. Stop grocery shopping. Let him do it. He will learn soon. Please relax, hire a maid and enjoy DD's childhood. You cannot change others but you can change yourself.

 

It is impossible to take care of infant and school going kid at the same time. You don't have to do everything by yourself and being upset afterwards. You need to take care of your health first, other wise you are the one going to suffer. If you stretch yourself to the extreme after giving birth, it will take a toll on you. Men don't understand the healing/required resting after giving birth. Try to assign task to your DH and let him do it on his own pace, don't interfere with that work, once it is given away as his 'work'. I know, you feel rather doing it by myself than asking him to do. It's not worth, adding more stress to your routine.

In a way...I see your husband's point, it is one time event the 'naming ceremony' for the baby and he has the right to invite his parents, doing it in a grand scheme. It is our tradition of celebrating the new born with friends/family. Instead of cooking at home, could you order catering food, it is nominal, if you shop around for vegetarian Indian food. Also, request to spread the guest to your friends house or put them in a nearby hotel for a day or two, if you like. It is bit inconvenient for you, remember it is the one-time event for the baby and it will be a memorable event in the pictures/video. After all, 20-years from now, that's all we will have of the grown up kid, he/she will be moved out of the house in a flash.

Just think about reducing your work load by dedicating some to your DH. Make him as your slave :rotfl.

 

Hi Ati,
As some else also said stop being super mom,, if you don't do those duties, some one else will do it, don't know about your kid's classes, but normally kids classes are in evenings right, so your H should be home by then, unless he is some emergency room physician with weird hours.
also what i noticed in my life is , although we deliver baby , its the H who is more tired, heard that men find it more difficult to ascept changes. They just dont understand, also i think if our parents are at home, they think they can do anything, as we dont want to fight with them before our parents, also if we are upset or cry, our parents are there to console,, and last they want to prove that he is the one who wears pants in the household.

Aalso husbands automatically turn lazy as soon as in laws(girls parents ofcourse their parents too) enter.

In your case , give him some freedom for decision making,,, dont piss him off too much with your one sided decisions.

Hire a cleaning lady, and take it easy, if you are working, spending few hundred dollars wont kill your budget,,, as being happy and taking care of yourself is more important than some money.

Wish you all happiness!!!!!!!!

 

Ditto!

Dear OP
We all especially in early parenthood over-weigh ourselves with responsibilities.
But it is not a particularly right thing to do.
Kindly pay heed to the good advice that has been offered to you here on this forum.
Take care of the kids,hubby and house ,but include yourself in the package too.
Nobody is going to take pride in your supermommy skills.From your narration ,i figure your husband does not even notice how much you are doing.There is no point being a martyr or an unsung hero.
At the same time however difficult it might be ,try to avoid arguments and diplomatically get your husband involved in housework and kids.
I am sure a women who is smart enough to handle all that you really are ,will be able to devise a way to get a man out of that monkey you are living with(I am sorry but lack of better words)
After all the kids will grow up and you will have to endure your life with him.
So better shape a better person out of him ,who can take care of your interests without his knowing it.

 

Satchi bad girl, keeps whacking people. Whack Satchi.

So the lord and master thinks that he should be the Controller General of the house is it, before he does any work? Well, here are two options:

1. Hand over total control, then put up your feet and relax. Tell him he has full control over everything, including running the house on a daily basis including shopping for veggies and cooking them, dusting, cleaning ..... everything.

2. Tell him unless he shops for veggies and groceries, he can starve. Or eat out everyday and you will do the same.

3. Tell him, you will not do the shopping either until you have full control of the house yourself.

Sounds immature and crazy, but unfortunately, some men don't understand unless one talks to them in their own language.

 

Relax..!! MEN are MEN.... Dont expect miracles......!! the rule is dont expect anything from them cause if they dont reach our expectations... we end up being frustrated and angry, while they are least effected by it..... give him the feeling that he is the decision maker in the house.... but make sure ur decisions are worked out finally.....thths my opinion.... take care of ur health and luv to kiddo...