Feel Abandoned

I don't agree with you. Everyone reacts to trauma in a different way. It's not OP's fault. I don't think he did any of this because of her. He did it because he is selfish, irrational and an adulterer.

Even leaving her residence was not a mistake because sometimes you have to get away to think clearly. The marital home has memories and selling it and starting fresh is the way to go sometimes.

Whatever has happened OP your reactions are normal. Seek counseling to get over this trauma. Also get a lawyer.
Surround yourself with good friends and forget that man who was a sorry excuse for a husband.

Hope you find your path.
FL.

 

Dear Saichild,
Can emphathise with you. Only a very insensitive soul can blame a DW for her H's affairs. Its his nature, upbringing which is making him do so, what can a loyal DW do?
Sadly many women blame the wife unnecessarily painting the H as 'poor guy' until they themselves suffer the same fate!!!
Irresponsible married men want it all , and mess up the lives of their kids, wife in the process.
Let life take it own course, let him foot school college fee, why should the kids suffer?

Make peace with the situation , God is watching everything.

 

Probably that's it right there. Probably he meant it seriously when he said that, then later started questioning his own words. Retirement is a very final word. It denotes old. Probably he could not accept himself as old and his life as over. He must have wondered is this all there is to my life then? Is this it? And the flirting nature he suppressed started coming up and he felt I havent done this yet. I haven't done that yet. And meeting this woman was the final straw.

I know, none of the above really helps you does it?

OP, dont waste your precious time thinking about him and what he is up to. And when he will be back.

You want to know when he will be back?


The other lady, she will enjoy for awhile with him and his money and then she will leave him when he gets too needy or dependent on her. Then he will be back.

Or, in another 10-15 years he will get bored with vagabond existence, his health begins to deteriorate and thoughts of his mortality begin to trouble him, then he will be back.

He will cry big crocodile tears, plead to re-unite with you, flagellate himself and say I am bad but you are great so forgive me and take me back, see I paid for kids education, you have to agree for the sake of society, what will ppl say etc.

He will be back when he realizes what he really needs is you the patient loving wife who will take care of him and his needs during his old age.

Question is: OP, do you still want to be waiting there when he decides to come back? And what do you want to say to him when he does? Will you be waiting with open arms and a garland or will you tell him to take a hike?

 

I am v saddened by this post..my god 20 years. Did u even see this coming, how was yr reln before this woman entered his life?

I just hate that woman..she dares to say such things after snatching your husband.

I agree with teacher...you have a lot of self respect and u do not need him in your life. U need to move on...

The house is yours too..he can't just rent it out..why dun u tell him u wanna move in there. You really have a big heart, even after what he did to u...u did not influence your kids against him. Kids are innocent and should not be involved in adults' issues.

I'm sure like the rest said...it's a mid life crisis and will be over soon..but even if he comes back to u, do u really need someone who has treated u this way....

Take care.

 

Dear Mam,

This is really shocking to read the fate of 20yrs old marriage. Surely God is with you and kids.

You have shown great courage by moving out of the house instead of bearing with such cheap things.

I am sorry you really cant do anything in such cases. Even is he try to be back in your life..i am not sure if you should accept him. Tell the world what he is upto and why you left the home. Now kids also dont have to be such so called father.

He wants to live life carefree may be like hippies then he dont have to own such huge house. He can move that lady's house and use her car. Please move back to that YOUR house, you dont have to pay rent or lease just for his mistake. Save for your self and your kids.

Be strong.

 

What a pig he is??!! I'm sorry to call him that. his behavior screams Mid life crisis all over!! 2 motorbikes???!! Really.. Just pathetic... Embarrass the crap out of this guy!! Ugghhh I'm this close to asking you to yell out in a public place where you see him " this man cheated on me and my KIDS" but don't do it, just for your sake.,.. Call every relative of HIS or email them about what a moron he has been. I cannot even imagine what you are going thru. But hats off to you for walking away with your kids... Yes, I hope the relationship with tht woman does not last either... Only because I want him to come back crawling to you..and you get the opportunity to dump his cheating ass like its nobody's business. You kids when grown up will not respect this pathetic man!!
Hang in there! You kids will mk you proud and be there for you always. Aso, as hard as this can be for you.. U shud tk the initiative to file for divorce and feel good about it!

 

OP,
The reality in life is that some people go thru' such changes in their lives that there is no going back. It maybe like your reality, a parent waiting outside the ER, being caught up in a natural catastrophe... you need to learn to let go. It maybe too early to think about this but keep this in the back of your mind. initially this is purely for survival...getting your day to day things done... eventually it will help you live your life in a fulfilling manner.

Your happiness need not depend on how your husband's life turns out...your life together had meaning because of who you are as an individual...so go back to living as the individual with your desires and needs. You will always have meaning in some of the things you did together...those memories have a place in your life...but that is only a portion of your life. It is not all of your life.

Being on your own with self respect is not cold comfort...it helps you put your life on track and who knows what path you will follow? take a leaf out of his book...do the things you've always wanted to do but didn't because 'family' needs. Yes, you will be your children's role model on how to manage crises in relationships. But it is also for your own self...you deserve more in life than to wait around for him.

Some people manage to find their way out in anger...but you know what? That anger leaves a mark on them! It leaves a mark on their children!

Leading your life without anger frees up your mind to take risks again...not only in your personal life but also in your social and professional life. It is our ability to take risks which allows us to make total fools of ourselves and try new things-in any sphere of our life. Try to reach that state of mind over a period of time. Others in your family or friends circle may get angry on your behalf...andsometimes that can linger with you too. But try to move away from it. Your life should be worth more than a reaction for someone else's thoughtless nature. I know it always comes back to this but your children need to know that while there are no guarantees in life, they should not shy away from trying to build honest and fulfilling relationships when it is their turn.



Even if he did come back, would the relationship be the same?

 

Get back to him and stay in his house. If he is free to move out y not u? Make use of your kids.
"Get a job and ignore him by staying with him". This divorcee lady would nicely get your husband and marry him if u divorce. i guess this is her plan. Stand firm and go to your husbands place. Why do u ever want to adjust in a small house for the sake of all this?

I second ivLakshmi..

Moment you came out of house, you gave him opportunity to get more freedom with other women.

He has married you and have teenage kids, let him live life for that sake. Having kids you cant even
marry, but why suffer living alone in this society, for society sake live under same roof.

Make use of his money for kids. If you stay in house, hes more committed to take care of house and
kids need. You search a job and live your life....

And dont forget unless you give divorce he cannot marry others, and dont give divorce also
(Unless you are ready to Live single mother life, which is not very easy)..let him not show love,
but take care of u and kids for marriage sake.. Slowly 4-5yrs down lane, that new womens craze
will go down, and i am sure he will get back to family.....

Take care.....