SIL issue back again and this its major

gdwwm1 · Jul 31, 2012

Hi,
My sil lives in USA but far way from us . But there are always issues with her hubby and each time it gets escalated to all members of family. Each time it gets to the topic of separation and this time also same thing has happened. My Hubby is saying she is very depressed and wants her to come and stay with us for some days. I have an ok relationship with her now it was pretty bad before..she has changed a bit over the years but still has lot of anger and ego and sometimes I find it very difficult to figure out what truly is going on in her mind. I would have been fine if she was to come here and stay with us but right now my parents are here and I am due any time . I kind of wanted my space during this time and dont feel comfortable this time to have her here...I may sound selfish but that's how i feel. I told my husband this he understands but is really disappointed that i said that. I am feeling bad and now confused. last time she was here she used to sleep till noon and not get up and help much and sometimes just pass rude comments may be she din mean them but its kind of creates a tension like atmosphere. She is very short tempered and dont know what might trigger her anger.
now my problem is with my condition i might need my space and I cant really be free around her and really dont know what to do. He is also upset that i am not talking to his parents. and her. I really dont know what to say to them. Every time there is a fight my mil starts comparing my sil's Il to themselves and give analogy of how lucky I am to have them as my PILS. I really dont want to get into any controversial conversations at this point.There is enough anxiety in my mind with labor and how am going to handle newborn...I really dont want any one during this time to disrupt my space...am I wrong and selfish to think this way . Pls advice me how to tackle this situation and weather I should call my ils now or just keep away till the situation cools off

pls do advice i am in need of it desperately

thanks for listening

psych · Jul 31, 2012

For now stand your ground. Let them make faces.....family should help in times of need. right nowthe help you need from SIL is some peace andquiet while u preparefor delivery. tell ur dh that this kind of stress is not good for baby and you need to be peaceful.

DrKadambari · Jul 31, 2012

Tell him that baby is your priority now and any that you dont want to have any tension... unwanted tension might trigger false labor. Its time to have some happy time around when the baby is born. By SIL coming to your house not that her issue would get sorted out. More she is away it would just aggravate and they (SIL and BIL) would not have opportunity to sort out things fast.

Baby and your health is priority than anything. Be firm

Anamika99 · Jul 31, 2012

You are NOT selfish. That is the problem with we indian women, we havebeen told to take care of everybody first and then ourselves. Explain to your husband a about baby's need, do not talk what u want. Mention what is good for baby

MadhuSharmila · Jul 31, 2012

Hi,

This is the time you need to take more care of yourself than any others, particularly for the well being of the baby. And you say your SIL is short tempered and having her around will definitely make you feel uncomfortable which is not good for you. Better stand in your point rather than making compromises. Be relaxed. Explain your problem to your hubby and he will definitely understand. Take care and have a safe pregnancy.

tulipzz · Jul 31, 2012

If your husband understood your prob and is willing to do it your way. Let him do it, even if he says it has disappointed him etc...

nidhijoshi · Jul 31, 2012

think only about yourself right now...nothing is more important than you and your baby.......at this moment you need peace of mind....and that is important to have a healthy baby.......

DGcreative · Jul 31, 2012

As adviced by most others here, I too feel its best to keep your SIL away. Be firm & tell thats the best for the baby. You are not selfish if you think this way. As Anamika says, we Indian women think of everyone else before us. What if SIL comes & there are arguments with your parents...even then your DH or ILs will make faces & pass comments right. So better they pass comments when atleast you have peace of mind & some quite time with your baby when he/she arrives.

blessed · Jul 31, 2012

Please learn to say No than regret later.

Right now your yet to be born baby is more important, you should have a peaceful atmosphere at home, make your DH understand that your SIL also won't be comfortable with your parents around and it won't be any help for her, you can always bring her later. I understand that she must be under depression right now and you husband wants to help her but the situation in your house is not in her favour.

aryashi · Jul 31, 2012

your health is your first priority.. keep away from your sil during your important phase of your life.try explaining to your husband about it highlighting the previous issues...if he is a sensible guy he will surely understand your feelings & space...happy pregnancy..take care