My Angel Ansika

Iwas so much waiting to do baby announcement with some positive news, but

Baby Ansika’s born on 2012 May 5th 3.11 pounds 12:05pm 14 inches, grew herwings on 30th June 2012.

Myactual due date was July 8th .and scheduled C-section on July 2ndToday I was supposed to deliver, and today we get her ashes.

Lifewas all so jolly and wonderful. My lovely husband arranged a wonderful surprisebaby shower in April. We bought SUV just 1 day before my 30thweekregular ultrasound. Preparing for baby.

Ultrasound results on 2nd Maychanged our world upside down. During ultrasound doctors found out baby ishaving hard time to breath as there was lots of fluid around her lungs. Heperformed amniocentesis test, which says if a baby has down syndrome.Radiologist said She will pass out soon. You have to get admitted in hospital.It was tough to digest. Passout was big term. Did not know how to react, ourelder daughter Anika was with us, could not cry loud in front of her and scareher. But water from eyes was just flowing and flowing. Immediately nurse walkedus from ultrasound unit to labor delivery room. I was plugged with all beltsmonitoring babies heart beat every minute.I was on complete bed rest inhospital. I never knew that bed rest is worst thing anyone would want. I wasgiven steroids to help babies lungs grow faster. Doctors were waiting tillFriday to get the test results back from amniocentesis tests. They said if thatcomes positive we will just have to wait and terminate pregnancy. But my babyhas no down syndrome or chromosomal abnormalities test results came negative.


Baby in tummy was being monitored daily. Iwas trying hard not to cry because babies can feel what moms feel. I was justnot talking much to anyone or else I end up crying. I ate nice hospital healthyfood. Wanted to be healthy and happy for baby. Saturday May 5th,ultrasound looked bad, with increased fluid and just one moment in entire onehour from baby. My husband was at home with my elder one at that time. In factall these days I was almost alone in hospital, daily he would visit for ~2hours with my elder daughter. I wanted to be alone, with my baby. I was readingsai satcharita baba book. IPad helped me so much, I was just browsing andbrowsing in the hospital. After ultrasound doctors asked me to call my husbandimmediately, within 30 min he dropped my daughter at dear friends house and thenI was rushed to emergency c-section saying let’s try giving sick baby to NICUinstead of sickest baby. They informed me after c-section don’t expect the babyto cry. I was still strong, not crying, trying to put a happy face. It was avery auspicious day, May 5th 2012. My baby should be happy andhealthy, all the time this was the only thought coming into my mind. That’s allI could do for her. Control my emotions, control my cry whatever. She was bornand I did not get to see the baby, she was taken immediately to NICU. But I sawwater in my husband’s red eyes. I still put up a normal face, I am supposed tobe happy my baby Ansika is born. nurse said I could see the baby in 2 hourstime. Baby was taken to NICU with two pipes on each side of chest to drainfluid out of her lungs. Daily she drained around 160 ml of lymph fluid andblood, protein.

First week they did not know what waswrong, why the fluid has come, why the fluid is not stopping. Why my 20thweekultrasound was perfectly fine and why all of a sudden without any symptoms Ihad such a sick baby with so much fluid. So many whys. They said we need tofind out issue to resolve it. Sounded correct to us, they were performing manytests to find out the issue. I was discharged, it was very tough coming out ofhospital without baby in hand. I was remembering how happy I was when I gavebirth to my first daughter. Happily going back home on wheel chair with babyseat on my lap. God I was missing her so badly. In hospital daily midnight Iused to go to her, sit there peaceful and sing to her. NICU used to be calm andquiet in the nights. After a week they found out she has congenitalchylothorax. I was so happy finally we found issue, now doctors will fix it.But bad news was that chylothorax is very rare and critical condition wherelymp leaks due to abnormal thoracic duct. God I had no idea what this thoracicduct, lymph all these medical terminology were. I just wanted my baby to besafe.

Doctors started medicine Octreotide, anantibiotic for chylothorax. Doctor said they studied 20 cases of chylothoraxpatients, that is all they have. God just 20 and my daughter. No reason on whyit comes. They started medication initially dosage of 3, there was no change;later moved to high dosage 10 but no change in entire 4.5 weeks. In between somany blood transfusions, Platelet transfusions, intraventricular hemorrhage,lungs problem, breathing problem, watering eyes, noonane syndrome n more.

I started working from home after 2 weeksof surgery to keep me sane. It really helped becoming busy. With full time job,toddler things started getting busy. We started preparing mentally and decidedwhatever happens we have to accept it. I would cry and tell doctors, I feel weare making my baby suffer. Doctors say no she is not in pain. She is stable, sheis comfortable. I felt like shouting comfortable ? With 10 wires attached tosuch small baby. With fluid and blood draining continuously from body? Theysaid she is in total pain medication. She will not know any pain.

She had surgery on June 13th2012; Thoracic Duct Ligation and lung biopsy. Surgery was success, they foundthe duct and stapled it. She was back to NICU. Initially the fluid was less,but as they started feeding her milk, her fluid came back. I met doctor on June20th 2012, he said we need to perform two more surgeries, he alsosaid we can stop treatment as her situation looks critical. But one last try,just in case she comes back. On June 22nd 2012; she had Pleurodesissurgery on the left side. She could not recover after surgery. Her lungsstarted collapsing, she was on almost 80-100% oxygen on ventilator. On june 30th2012, doctors asked for one more family meeting. They said we should let hergo. She is suffering. First time doctor said she is suffering. On my birthday,she slept in my arms forever. Angel Ansika grew her wings. We spent 4 hourswith her. We gave her bath. Took lots of pictures with her. we tried everything to make her comeback. but God needs her lot more. not sure what work God has with my daughter. Our strong baby hasthought us to be strong, and the value of life. Hats off to my daughter whotolerated all this. I am sorry you had to go through all this Ansi. Kanna Ilove you.

Love,
Mommy

Thanks for all your support during this time.