Is it good to avoid your irritating, big mouth MIL & FIL

rojina · Jun 24, 2012

i have the most horrible MIL and FIL in world i guess. I start shiverring and slurring whenever i have to talk to them. Sometimes they say too much and i just listen and later i get frustrated about why i am giving them all my inner details and why i am not able to answer strictly to their irritating question. They talked bad about my parents to my husband. I always fight with my husband about all this thing and i get very frustrated that it si affecting my studies as well. I have avoided them a lot as i hate to fight and argue with them nor i want to give them any explanation. I just plainly avoid them and try to make my conversation as short as possible. I stopped talking with my both SIL as well becoz they r worst like them.
They r coming to USA forever and i dunno how i am gonna handle them with losing my sanity and temper.
They will be here probably after a year but thought of them coming here and living with has already started killing me. i spoke with my husband about it and he says if it is too impossible for me to live with them they he gonna arrange the seperate place for them in future. But if we do so then my both SIL will come there and used everything and my husband will be the only one paying for all their expenses and giving them money but my both SIL will be using as they r dong now.
Un fortunately my both SIL are also here in USA. But we moved from where they r living as we live now almost 5&half hour driving distance but still i get worried and how i am gonna handle them all together.
Please suggest me how to deal with them.
I am out of track of studies and i am really getting depressed every day.
Thank you

Anamika99 · Jun 24, 2012

Dear,

I understand how u feel. I also feel this way every time my inlaws come. it has been 13 years of marirage but those feelings did not go away.
being in the similar boat, i'd let go on some money then trying to be with them to save some money.
If your husband is ok to buy separate living place for them, nothing better thatn that., just convince him to do it sooner, before they come. It would be easier, moving out later may not work out.
I do not know how many kids and how old kids you have, but if you have time on hand then start working anything at all, even if it is at minimum $$. It will get you out of house, and will make you some money, so while your husband is supporting his parents away from you (and i think them being away is more improtant) you making even little bit of money would be good addition for you gusy savings.

InnerBliss · Jun 24, 2012

Perhaps you may find me different with my opinion but I am still writing in case if that helps.

I think, the source of happiness lies within than the external factors.

*Value yourself and do what you like,
*choose what you speak, don't answer if you don't want to,
*make a network of your friends whom you can trust and share, who can listen you all the time instead of advicing. As nobody else but only we, ourselves can help us the best.
*ignore the blames, labels, comparison and humiliation. The weak people take help of such words just to win the argument not the person.
*Keep focused on the end-result that you want to achieve by being in whatever relations. Ignore all other petty things and issues.

You can do it!

manji1982 · Jun 24, 2012

Hello everyone,let me join this forum as I am also sailing in the same boat.traumatised by my in laws when they are here or on phone.my fil is so cunning I don't think I have seen anybody more cunning.and my mil is cruel,conspiring and jelous.they tortured my parents before marriage,mine was a love marriage....my dad tolerated all the insult and acted as a catalyst despite so adverse situations.i can't tell how much I repent that I didn't believe my own father and landed up witha husband whose lifeline(literally)is his parents and in laws for whom I am unwanted,forced.i have discussed with my husband 100 times but I think now it useless...dont know where this marriage is going...

mese · Jun 24, 2012

Its a million dollar question. It all depends, as the say ,He who has the whip is the boss. So in your family if you have the whip you are the Boss. If not you become the donkey and have to endure the whiplash, till and when you learn to give it back. In the world there are only 2 types the exploiter and the exploited. Just as they say Charity begins at home all factions and wars begin from the same Home.
So when we become MILs and SILs lets try to turn around and be a better person for a better and a less bitter world. Cheers.