THINGS MIGHT GET BETTER! hope

take the offered hand

Dear Sonu,

Welcome to this site. You are not a bore and there are many others in the same boat vis-a-vis inlaws.

One thing that I have learnt from my marriage is that we can have no control over the actions, intentions and motives of our in-laws. There can be no rhyme or reason to what they do. Sometimes, one wonders how they can act senselessly to hurt their own sons, through hurting the daughter in law. But as much as we discuss this, we cannot do much to alter the situation.

You do not know why she is arranging a reception for her second son (who is not as decent as your husband). You do not know what talks and compulsions she underwent to take this decision. There is no end to analysing this. So follow your head and heart and keep an open mind.

Your MIL has invited you and her son to the reception. Go by all means. Maybe she regrets what she did to you and wants to make amends. Anyway, now that she has seen sense (if that is the case), she cannot have a similar reception for you. People show their apology in different ways. Maybe this is her way of making up to you. Meet her halfway and nuture the relationship. Keep your terms clear and at no stage allow anyone to disturb your good relationship with your husband.

Hope this helps.
regards
S

 

thanks dear

Hi S.

U r right dear but it feel too bad when such things happen and we can do anything. My parents had also suffered so much because of my MIL and SIL.And they had said so many foul things about my parents with their relatives. I lost my mom this July so i had to go to India in rush with my husband so we dont even have holiday left to go to India now.

U knw S it took 2 yrs to accept me now also they dont behave good to me n my husband.I gave birth to my baby last year May by caseraion My MIL was knowing i will deliver till May or june but she went to US to stay with her brother n came back after my delivery . Now my BIL is working abroad too but his family is not allowed their, he will keep his wife with my MIL.just imagine when mIL saw my Baby first time she dint even took her in her arms now she is so good to that other girl.

what kind of behaviour is this? we are ready to keep her with us but she dont want to stay with us and her other son dont want to stay with her.after he comes from abroad he will stay separate in his own flat.

I really feel Life has to show good after some bad but i m my husband is always in trauma.first it was my mom n now this.This full year we are in tension.

Its like cant eat cant swallow just had to keep in mouth.

we only see our 18mth baby n get happy.Really little ones have magic to make us happy.

Thanks alot S for ur wonderful reply .i really needed some1 to talk to.
Thanks again

sonu

 

dear sonu...this has nothing to do with ur mil

dear sonu,
this issue has nothing to do with the real reason...ur mil is not bad either...i presume ur husband is the first born in the house..and all first borns face trauma in many ways...and marriage is the greatest of all the issues...the mothers usually see their aspirations,dreams....and what not when they look at a pilot wish my son had taken up that...when they see a writer awarded wish he had that quality in him..there is no end to it..so the incidence of taking a partner without her consent must had sent waves...all she had to do was to select u..that way the perception of the issue is different...so go and u will see her regret...elders never say sorry but their actions do that...pl understand the life's psychology...and start looking at it like this and u will solve many problems easily.....hope been of help..regards..sunkan.

 

THANK yOU CV!

Thank you very much for your Pearls of Wisdom!! Wil def try that for self defense in future!!


Regards

Seetha

 

Improve Relation with Husband

I Would appreciate if anybody tell me how to improve relation with hubby, for last couple of months my husband attitude change drastically.

For last couple of months i can't sleep, all the time i'm tensed & depressed. At this point of time i don't know what to do?? Plz Guide me.

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2320

 

improving relationship with hubby

Hello Cheers,

I am sorry to hear about ur dilemma. First, how open is your relatioship with ur hubby? Do you talk freely about ur feelings to each other? Find a suitable time to have a serious chat with him. There should be no accusations on either side as to one's behaviour. Ask him if there is something bothering him and if you can help in anyway. Men are not very good at talking about their problems so help him out by coaxing gently for him to open up.
Hope this helps
warm wishes
pravina.








:|

 

Things will get better

Hi Archna,

If you heard my story it would really decrease your pain.

Your husband will always have that contact with his parents all his life and you need to come out of this misery because each time he will make contact, you are going to be in this loop again and again .And most probably your in-laws enjoy making you feel that way. If they don’t care and treat you in a manner to what you dont deserve, you need to believe it's thier loss in all sense.

Yes, we (women) all want some appreciation and support from our in-laws and its difficult when we do not receive that. Believe in god and continue with your will and good deeds towards them and god will always protect you.

The more you dwell on them the more your going to be in a depressive state. Make your relation stronger with your husband thats what really counts.

I will pray for you as well.


God Bless,

 

dont worry...

Dear,
life os not the bed of roses but it is full of speedbrakers..i am sure u can overcome the speed brakersof life take in challenging way.u try to spend time in extra activities like making friends,learning new things,reading and plan abt ur career u can really neglect ur personal things and tensions.dont worry dear if u want to have a friend to share ur feelings and abit of encouragemnent i am really here for u.u can even Private message me. cheer up buddy....:-D
take care of ur health too,


With Lots of Luv,
nisha:wave

 

i would like tolend a helping hand as well. anyone can ask me for any help they want. i will try to my best. i strongly believe that each one of us has a task to do. after all there is no in harm to trying to help others.

and lending an ear to their problems. when ever u feel depressed. take walk. or atleast look out of ur window hear the birds ,watch the blue sky and the lovely green trees around fill uwith energy. even when the cool morning breeze hits ur face it a wonderful feeling. learn yoga. it really helps. listen to ur favourite music or watch ur favourite comedy programmes. even talking to ur neighbour.s children helps. do shavasana before u sleep it gives a relaxed feeling and drive s away those blues.social service also helps. when u go out into the streets their sufferings are nothing compared to us.talking to friends really helps. when help is extended take it. they say even gardening helps.

 

I can understand

I really know how it will be when you are hurt by inlaws who you respect and regard them as your own parents. In fact my FIL is really a very nice person and I personally respect him a lot. He was the first of his parents and had almost 3 sis and 3 bros after him to take care educate and get them married which he did with my MIL's support. Then he had his own family of four 3 sons and a daughter got her married and all that. He is so spiritually inclined he does poojas and prayers for all in the family. The fact is he has helped us so much financially too when we were in need.

But I cant just at any time tolerate one particular thing. He might have said it jokingly but never has he thought that it will hurt me in so many ways. Let me just give you a recent example. We were on a visit to my BILs house where he stays. My 1 1/2 yr old son was just playing with all the toys around. The maid wanted to clean the room so she strated cleaning the toys. He started crying and so I picked him up, but still he was just pushing me and beating me with his tender hands.

My FIL was watching all these standing in the door way and I told him, Appa see your grandson he is having such a temper and he is beating me. Can anyone imagine the reply?

He told Yes, Yes it is good in him beating you for he is seeing you beating my son no. And he turned to my son and said Nalla rendu podu meaning give her a good slap.

I was shocked and cannot react and just moved away from that place. Only after reaching my home I was able to react, I was unable to eat as the words kept lingering on my mind. It took nearly a week to come out. GOD knows when he saw me beating his son.

So Archana as all have suggested create positive energy around you do meditation if not try our old practice of writing SRI RAMAJAYAM which will energise you and help doing wonders.