Need Guidance - Family Relationships

Dear All,

I have very limited friends and would be really grateful for you guidance.

I am married and have a 7th month old kid . I fell in love with my hubby when in college a decade back and we both worked hard to establish ourselves and we both are in executive positions in a leading IT consulting company.

off late I find my husband little distressed primarilily because of my parents which is little hard for me to digest . I sincerely want to go back to the days when myself and he were so loving and haapy.. I would like to mention some incidents , I want to really move over this and cement my relations ...

1. My hubby promised me at the time when we were in college that he would get into a good job and take good care of me , he kept his promise and worked so dilligently for the same

2.He would take care of our mobile phone expenses during college , my projects, also when I lost job twice he worked hard through his friends to get me one

3.My parents were aware of all these and they had agreed for our marriage

4.My father had running nose and fever and nobady from my family except me were present during the reception a couple of days after marriage at my hubbies place , my hubby said that he felt bad about these but he got over this..

5.After marriage when we went to chennai for registration a few months later , my father did not even say a Namskaram to his parents when we disembarked the train ...my hubby told me he was very much offended by this , he is very attached to his parents who are in their seventies and late seventies ..he was very disturbed and he got over this as well . His parents are retired govt officers.

6.My father never wished my hubby when I conceived our first child , he did not come for the delivery and the punyahvachanam ceremony. My husband tells me that he is being repeatedly offended and has a lot of love towards me so he does not want that there develop any cracks in the relationship..

7. on one of the occassions my father had called from one our relations house and tol me that my hubby is running a bad time and would lose evrything and come to streets and would also openly be critical about my husband in front of my siblings in the family whci he is aware.

8. My parents never call them up for new year etc ..to wish them , they never keep in regular touch

As far as my husband is concerned , he is very caring and earns about a lakh as his take home and spends very less for his own needs...

a couple of years back he wanted to start a company of his own but he ran into losses that was the only testing time and we overcame.

My husband offlate is seen dejected often and it seems pocketing all of these has resulted in all this...
He had told me that his parents would never speak to my parents in future after all this has happened.

on the other hand I had taken all these incidents lightly and my husbands feelings for granted ..I was not able to accept mistakes of my father, I am unable to fathom how bad he would have been hurt and at a loss to knw how do I bring back the eversmiling face he used have .. please guide me..

 

Thank you so much Gayathri for your Replay. My father is short temperted and impulsive in nature. My mother does not have any courage to give him suggestion. In fact he always like to shows his ego and be critical of others.

Because of this attitude he does not have any friends and has trouble in his workplace. All of my hubby's were friendly towards him and gradually they have got sick of his attitude like how it happened with his friends and collegues.

Now it has started showing up in an other wise very good relationship with my in laws. I knew them even before marriage , all of us approved our marriage.

Though my father shows of his ego , he has a deep feeling of insecurity inside and he cant face anybody directly. I want deal with him delicately , any guidance from anyboday with similar experience please help me.

Thank you again Gayathri.

 

Hi Rose , Thank you so much for your response on this

It is not he feels bad because of they not wishing or talking. My father had repeatedly avoided all the family functions , and my in laws have felt bad before their relatives.

And just to show his ego he has spoken words which does not show respect to the emotions of my in laws.

Because of this treatment meted out to his parents , he is depressed. And I know they have been pocketting lot such things for the last five years merely to see that relationship between me and my hubby is not disturbed. For their stature they could have given back ..but they really are very mature self made people.

The problem with my Dad's attitude is he shows off his ego but internally he has a feeling of insecurity. I want to some how making him understand that this attitude of his is impacting relationships , the same had happened with his freinds and collegues , and has almost no friends and he does not socialize , and is always critical about everything . There is no friend or relative who can advice him on delicate matters like this and he does not listen to my mother or my siblings.


but I am afraid if will mistake if I tell him , but somehow I need to find a solution to this ..
Any pointers on solution address this will of great help to me.