Need ur Opinion

Nobody's happiness other than your hapiness matters more here.
Since you have got some clues you are feeling uncomfortable.
Juz follow your instincts.. If you are genuinely sensing something wrong then juz be firm and say NO, no matter who tells what.
Watch out for the red flags.. If a person says "i wouldnt have said Yes, if i didnt liked you" doesnt feel like a direct answer. How does he treat you in front his parents and relatives.
Is he willing disucss general topics with you and hear your opinions or forcing his opinions on you..
Is he making an effort to understand or accept what matters more to you or juz giving words that i will change for the sake of convincing you.
A person's character never changes for anyone unless and until he wishes whether its prior or post marriage.
Since its juz a month you can give some time and wait and watch, Never get rushed, in the process of making others happy.
End of the day its your life and no one will take responsible for it, other than you.

All the best!

 

Dear Cranberry

Welcome to reality. Most of the qualified men working on high positions/responsible positions are not emotionally expressive or romantic. If you see many many threads in this section (married life) you will notice many women are dying for husbands loving words, emotional support etc. but its not possible, god has made women and men different. you should go for your instinct basically. If you are so much emotionally demanding may be you can have nice talk to him about this particular issue and see how he takes it.

Many men don't like nagging or whining. Either you have to accept him as he is and try to change him with your love, patience or look for another alliance. Even if you find someone who is more expressive or romantic there is no guarantee that person will be compatible with you in other apects like your education, family background, physical appearance etc etc. Marriage is a package with lots of plus/minus points where you and your partner has lot of scope to love,grow, nurture ........Good luck to you!!

 

Dear cranberry,

I think you are worrying too much. This is the romantic time in your relationship and you should enjoy it so.

From what I understand, he is just reserved in nature but other than that I don't see any big problems. He is going out with you, he wants to spend time with you, but yes he is a bit reserved and is not jumping the gun on everything. That's perfectly okay. My husband before marriage was exactly the same. And that definitely does not mean that he is not fun or not romantic. Actually he is extremely romantic and fun. You just have to coax him to open up and that will happen with time. I got engaged with my hubby when I was 21 and we were engaged for almost 8-9 months. That period really helped us to open up. Knowing that we were engaged and in a secure relationship really helped him open up while he did not use to talk to me much before. Just because he did not wanted to be too much emotionally attached unless there was a real bond (and somewhat taught by his parents).
Although a bit confused, I didn't mind because my parents told me the same, to keep contacts to a limit before actual engagement or wedding.

In nutshell, he needs time, its too early for you to say he is nor interested. You will change him, and I assure you he will change, maybe not completely but he will definitely change some.

My husband used to be a bore before marriage and I started doing new things with him and he loved it and enjoyed it. He admits marriage is fun for him because it provided him not only somebody who really loves and cares about him, but a prefect friend and companion. Now he does not sit around on weekend or or be a third leg with a friend and his girlfriend. Instead he has his own girlfriend/wife to have fun.

And fun it is.

Done make haste decision or you may end loosing a possible precious relationship.

 

OP, dont worry unnecessarily. Not all of us has to start yapping from the word go. Some ppl are like that, and some arent. That doesnt mean, we need to change our identity. If you are a talkative lively person, stay that way. Infact, that might be the thing he likes best in you. Give him some time. Dont nag him to talk. Give him chances to open up by himself. Tell him how you would like to get to know him better before marriage. Go out on dates. He will start talking by himself. Some ppl just need some time. Its ok to initiate when the other person is a bit reserved. He will get into the groove, eventually. As long as he is genuine, and he makes an effort appreciate that, and slowly make him talk. After all, 'talking' is not everything. Of course, you should get to know him, but dont emphasize on that. Give him opportunities to open up by himself, and he sure will. Enjoy your courtship period, and happy married life!


PS : If things are too fishy, or he is not to your liking, you can call it off at any point. Everyone gets engaged to get married. But if it doesnt work, it doesnt. Dont stress yourself with that! As long as both of you like each other, it will all work out for the good!

 

Dear cranberry,

As a girl, you could sense the feeling from him, right? Such as may not talk much, but likes to spend time with you or sees you with that flashing eyes or listens to you/pays attention when you blabber something? with a smile or looking at your dress and its coordinating elements, etc. It is the essential for a woman to feel the basic appreciation from her guy and it is needed for a woman at any age.

In this modern age, I can't imagine a young man without a thing for his fiancée. Few things to check....When he walks with you, carefully walking the pace with you, basic courtesy of opening doors/getting stuff for you and asking 'do you like the coffee or do you need anything else, or taking care of you in a crowded place or at least make an attempt not to loose you in the crowd!! These are some basic courtesies and even, if these are missing means, you may know the answer.

Some basic things/instincts only you could sense, not even your parents. All your parents can do is, finding a suitable match for you. A suggestion, invite your sister/bro or a cousin to go along with you, to check out few things for you (if you feel nervous around him).


GL

 

Very nicely written, FC! I was trying to say the same thing but could not put it down so nicely!

 

"Few things to check....When he walks with you, carefully walking the pace with you, basic courtesy of opening doors/getting stuff for you and asking 'do you like the coffee or do you need anything else, or taking care of you in a crowded place or at least make an attempt not to loose you in the crowd!! These are some basic courtesies and even, if these are missing means, you may know the answer."

As freddycat said:these are the mains things to watch out,which i failed to and now im sufferring.I was dying to get my husband's attention but no hope,he still is the same even after 4 yrs of marriage.Some men are hard to change,even if they de as in my case it will take many more years.But all that time remember we women do not get any emotional support.
when we walk on the road my husband just leaves me and keeps going,never waits for me he would just cross the road and go on.would not even turn back to see where i am.He had never given me suprises or gifts till date,is nit at all romantic,does not even care to ask anything about me everyday,Never asks me if im ok nothing,mine was an arranged marriage and i used to go out with him after engagement and found that he was a reserved ,had conveyed to my parents,they either turned deaf or convinced me .They were very happy with his family,with the guy,

As far as i seen not all men are so dumb,there are guys who give suprises,gifts ,atleast talk with their spouses.
So be clear with what you want.Convey to him and see what he replies, so that we avoid heart breaks later.

 

No it wont create troubles but yeah initially u will find it tough to understand him and same goes with him as well to understand u being 2 different personalities...even am bubbly, very very expressive by nature and my husband is an introvert. its been 1.5 yrs to our marriage...I have faced tough time too due to his silent nature but yeah with time things have improved & yeah though we both are s/w engineers...whenever am sick....he cares for me so well with love that no dr can cure me then. even I have posted few threads wherein I have showed my frustrations towards my DH not speaking up etc .... but things have improved now. Am blessed to have him
will write more in detail...not feeling well right now due to cold but saw ur post so couldnt stop from writing...well stopping here for now.
Use ur heart while choosing a person...