Filed for a divorce and looking to network with other divorcees!

Hi niceperson,
For me I still feel low at times but I must say that I am in better state of mind than before. As soon as I came to know that my ex is married, I could not feel much for him.. Prior to that I always use to think about him and his family good or bad.. I took lot of time and many days I did not have sleep ..Recovery phase changes from person to person.. some move on easily and some don't.. Try applying for jobs now itself in different countries.
Rekha,
Estimate well and think before going for divorce. For women the situation is tough when u look for remarriage as a divorcee. There are many things involved and in my case atleast no family is coming forward or guy is coming forward. There are less divorcee matches too..Things are tough and complicated.

 

ok, I will try to resend it to you.

 

Hi USA

I wish you have a good life ahead. I know Divorce can be hard and stressful especially if you have kids. Divorce is hard on kids. Especially when they grow up and they ask you " Why did you get divorced", those are questions that are very tricky. I am sure they will understand

GoodPerson - I am assuming you don't have kids but I hope you are making the right decision. Well if you like US, then stay here. Here no one will judge you. If you go back to India, still people are very reserved about divorce issues and they will look at you with "raised" eyebrows. But I would say if you do plan to go back to India, to hell with them, LiVE YOUR LIFE


One member who posted here is getting divorce after just 3 months, Oh I feel sorry for her. I wish her all the best.

 

Thanks. Right now I think that if I dont walk out of this abusive environment, then my child will ask me in future " Why did you do this?"

It seems divorce are getting common in India & we might find many women like us who can understand us.

I feel she is better placed. Its always better to have a successful marriage. But if divorce is your destiny the sooner the better. One can get over it earlier & get settle sooner in life post divorce.

 

To the Original poster,

I am a divorcee, living and working in the US, so I totally understand how you feel.
How do I cope? I think there is no one answer to that one.

• I work like a maniac--10 to 12 hrs a day at times,somehow when I work, I don't think about anything else.
• I have made a couple of good girlfriends who know my story and are with me for who I am.
• I pray--the times I feel totally helpless and on the verge of a breakdown--I just close my eyes and pray
• Sometimes I eat to cope--please don't do that
• most times, when ever I am low, I try to cheer myself up, talk positive things, try to make new plans for the future.
• Workouts and new hobbies help as well.

.

The first time I called myself a divorcee--it brought tears to my eyes, and it got better after that. What the society thinks-doesnt matter at all. Think of all the hard times you faced during your marriage, where was the "society" then? Unless, someone has faced an exact same situation, its sort of hard for them to understand, and even if they did, nobody has the right to judge you. It is your life, and you have made a decision based on several factors. So, focus on your life and how to put yourself on the path to a better one.

Good luck to you!

 

Very good post littlelost.

 

Don't make decisions (like going back to India) at this vulnerable stressful time period. It is tough to go through this but believe me as time goes by it will get easier. What do you mean by it is impossible to live all alone! Do you know how many Indian women live in this country alone due to different circumstances. I am not saying it is an easy thing to live alone, but i can say it is easier than living with a husband in an abusive, unhappy, emotionally empty marriage.

 

Dear Niceperson,

Sorry for whatever you are going through. May God grant you the courage to face the hard time and may it pass soon. I wish you all the best for a more happy and peaceful future. Atleast you are in country like USA and have h1b and job. So atleast financially you are settled. My situation was worst. I am 30 year old girl got married 3 years ago. Marriage lasted for 4 months only and within this 4 months my in-laws harassed me like anything and lier, spineless & cunning ex didn't do anything. He played various mindgames with me, and in addition he was impotent. It was arranged marriage and I was pushed into it by my mother, sister and relatives just because my father had cancer and I should get married before he close his eyes forever. Atleast he saw me getting engaged before he passed away. But my life spoiled. I have partly moved on, but not as much settled in job, don't have house of my own, don't know how to manage finance to buy new house. I am doing job in private company at hr/admin level with okay income, picked distance learning mba and living with my mother and siblings, well I have to live with them but they too are bugging me lot, especially my sister, I just hate her, but I can't even move out as my mom won't let me move because people will spread rumours that I am living separate or I might be living in live-in, etc. You. littlelost, are atleast financially stable, and that is great thing, but I just belong to middle class, but trying my best. When I took decision of divorce, I knew I am going to face many challanges and difficulty, but for one thing I was assured, that any difficult and challenging situation would be much better rather then living with those hopeless fellows. And if I get married second time ever, then I am sure that whoever I pick, will be better then my ex, so will never have regrets of dumping him even if I can't find anyone else.

I am in gujarat, and you are right, people in India sometimes make the life of divorcee hell and they judge us a lot. Like marriage is the only achievement in life. Don't mistake to leave your job and come to india, don't lose h1b, I know you are alone there, but have patience, keep in touch with your family over phone and mail and concentrate on your job and take up some hobby and further study/diploma if you can afford. You can work there and make new friends and register yourself to some matrimony sites while when you are undergoing legal procedures of divorce.

 

I do not have regrets of leaving my ex and will never have no matter whatever happens in my life. But I underwent strange kind of pressure and frustrations after separating from my ex, like my ex and his family threatened and blackmailed me to come back, they started spreading various lies and rumors in our caste and among our relatives & tarnished my image, then my own maternal uncles and aunts harrassed me and my mom by taunting us. My mama (uncle) called my mom and keep bashing and scolding her in a taunting and sarcastic tone like, look see, you were so proud of your daughter and you and your husband gave her so much freedom and didn't groom her before sending her to in-laws and now see the result, etc. He was also putting false accusations like I think your daughter must not be cooking there so that is why her in-laws reacted like this, when my mom defended me, he said, don't defend your daughter, if in place my daughter would be there, I had already killed her for coming back, I am ashamed to be called your brother that you are keeping your daughter alive. Now that your daughter is divorced, who will marry our children and what about our reputation? You don't know to keep your daughters under control, even before marriage I have observed them they weren't helping u in kitchen, wearing sleeveless, etc. My mom is so naive and weak that she can't even answer back properly to her siblings who call us and tell us such awful things & keep crying and blaming me. Then one of my cousin call us and tell us like like hey I heard your ex got remarried, and I am getting news that girl was characterless, didn't know any chores or cooking so her in-laws kicked her out, he was telling lies just to put us down & to see our reactions. It was strange that our own relatives were enjoying and making fun behind back about my vulnerabilities. It wasn't my ex that gave me as much pain as much this relatives eaten away my head. Even my ex's family are still not leaving me alone, in any caste function, if they are present then my ex-mil look at me with big eyes. And if I get marry second time, I am 100% sure they will try to reach my second husband and try to break up.

But as the saying goes, truth cannot be hidden for long time, same way, now I am hearing from people that my ex-mil go around and badmouth me, but people living around her locality and many of her and my relatives look at her as crazy mad woman and people don't even believe her. Now when I hear this, I feel little relax that no matter how much she try to tarnish my image, people know the truth.