Whats in my FILs mind?

Dear Riyagan

Me to have under gone all these stupid irritating things in my life, except that my FIL was very passive here but my MIL was a real monster snatching every opportunity to humiliate me , all she wanted me to realize that I am nothing in their family and even her son ( my DH) wont care for me...

This name plate issue started around 5 years back when we renovated our house actually my FIL bought an already constructed house around 20 years back with his own money for 10 Lakhs and he himself cleared the loan and my DH was still studying then, but my MIL always used these words "my house" my garden" if people don't like to stay here then they can leave "my house", i had fought many times with my DH regarding this but he use to tell me that " she wss right as this is her husbands house and she has all the rights to call it her own" as if my FIL was not his father I use to feel so odd because it looked liked as if we had no other go and had to stay in their house...

Then five years ago we decided to renovate and the budget was nearly 30 Lakhs that is nearly four times more what my FIL paid and my hubby had to take loan plus our savings and this was entirely our money and FIL didn't contribute anything, so he willingly transferred the house to my hubby's name ( I have two SIL's who were gifted with two plots each by my FIL which he got from his ancestral property and he made it clear to them that this house will be given to his son) for this even I contributed some money from my savings though not much but did how much ever I can, we constructed both on first and 2nd floor and the house really got a new look... now the name plate issue was raised when my hubby suggested our house name and below he would engrave his parents name on one side of the compound wall and another side he wanted mine and hubby's name, when the first was mentioned my MIL was veryyyyyyy happy but when the later was mentioned she immediately jumped from her seat to say "Why only your name is enuf , in our family no lady's name will be engraved" then what is she not a "lady" and all stupid suggestions like one side she wanted her daughters names since they are not their in the house that would make her feel their presence actually my DH was so pissed of but didn't say anything, believe me Ladies! till the last date I dint know whether my name will be engraved in the granite plates... but I was very happy to find my name on it finally.

Same with invite cards for the house warming... even in that card she didn't want my name to be mentioned any where like she would say " as elders let it be as we (MIL and FIL)are inviting" and in the best compliments let it me only your name (DH's) she could stoop to any level to be mean to me...

As you said you will one day build your own house and will engrave yours and DH's name on it and your FIL will have no say that time.. All the very best

 

Riya, our apartment name plate remained blank for 2 yrs... we dint have any energy or desire left to put up anything which can become a source of argument.. it was much after association persuation and their desire to get our name done on the list... its Engraved now last yr in a bolder font than expected... after their visit quota for that yr.. waiting for this yr IL visit and post mortem report... he he he

Just trying to check if I can gather some momentum within myself to get a door plate of A :kiss B :kiss C :kiss D customized..... it may leave some people in Cinders. They might count it as Teasing... I shall simply count it as "THIS IS WHAT MATTERS TO ME".............

 

If I were you,I wouldn't even care what they upto.Anyway you don't care for there money and you are living outside of there house and your husband taking care of things.This shouldn't worry about you much.If they are expecting favour in return,as a son he can available to them as physically,if they are expecating some finaciall aid then your husband should discuss with you.So don't loose your peace what they do on your back.

 

Best is dont have name plate or print invites.. call people on the phone or personally for housewarming..
I would do anything to keep contraversy away....

 

Riyagan,
It's hard to stay unaffected when so much is going around, however since you are now away from them and you are not interested in the property, try and ignore. What is important is that you don't have to endure them on day to day basis. It is really pointless to speculate what is going in your FIL's mind as nobody would really know but him. So, be happy with what you have and enjoy your life. let them do what they want to.

 

shilpa.
well said regarding the mother & child relation.there are some parents who will never accept D'il as a family member. they cannot digest their son diverting more towards his wife,but actually it is natural. In a person's life at differen age's they expect different company. kids -parents love, teenage-friend's love, adult-spouse love ,old age-children's love. but in old age if they are expecting children love,they need to accept D'il as family member but unfortunatly this is not happening in many house,even iam also one among them.

 

though I largely understand your situation, i cud not help laughing at this line