Spoiled my mood on Ganesh Chaturthi!!

Hi Ladies,

I'm back after long time. My FIL is here from past few weeks and will be here for 6 months.
To give short background: I'm married for 11 yrs with 2 kids (myself working). I do not have MIL, have 2 sils and one Bil. My FIL is 78 yrs old.
I did not get along with my FIL and SILs for last 10 years and there were constant fights between me and them due to my FIL's politics.
After join IL forum and reading lots of posts from other members, threads from senior citizens forum, I thought I should change my attitude and try to be friendly with my FIL.From last one year, I worked on building good relationship with my fil and sils. I also requested my FIL to come and live with us. I was able to build good rapport with my elder sil. She realized her dad's nature and his habit of gossiping, backbiting and she is quite nice to me.
Since the day he arrived, life has become hectic for me in matters of cooking, way of talking to him, kids behavior towards him. I tried to keep him comfortable as much as possible by giving him separate room for himself, freedom to watch tv.....

He has eating disorder where he vomits what ever he eats. He is having this problem from many years. We had him checked with the best doctors in India and everybody said he has a very healthy stomach and no problems of bp, cholestral. They suspected that he might be having psychological problem.
Even after coming here, he complained of severe vomiting, I took him to hospital, got his blood test, still the results are same. Basically, he is physically healthy and capable of digesting all foods.
Now my problem is he keeps vomiting what ever he eats and I have to be in kitchen all time cooking food for him. It would be like 5-7 meals a day.
Second thing is he is very much fond of foods like maggi, white bread, lots of ghees, dried thin poha, rice crispies, potato fries which has very little nutrition. I have been battling with him on these issues since his arrival. My 2 kids watch me and keep asking me why I'm giving white bread to grandpa and wheat/whole grain bread to them. I have to answer my kids too and they also demand similar foods like their grandpa. I have offered lots healthy choices for him like soyamilk, Ensure,wheat bread, wheat pasta, fruits. You name any healthy food, you will find it in my home.
Yet he complains to his relatives that I'm not taking good care of him and I'm feeding only bread to him and nothing else. He even complained to my husband that I have made him starve for whole day.
Another thing is his negative attitude. I think he has huge negative energy built up inside him. I cannot talk freely or give my opinion. Any opinion I give (if it's against his opinion) he will assume I'm insulting him. The other day my FIL was blaming Goddess Lakshmi. He was saying she will make some people (whom ever she wish) rich and some people poor. To which I told him that "god gives opportunity to everyone and it's in our hands to utilize the opportunities. If we are intelligent, we will improve other wise we will not. It's our fate." To this he complained to my dad that I cursed him that it's his fate he is poor.
He does not seems to be happy about any thing. Everything is negative around him. My kids are little hyperactive (specially my son). According to him, they are monsters. American food is punishment for him, American restrooms are punishment for him.

Today I lost my patience and poured all my anger on my mother. The issue was minor but I had lost patience and was tired of his politics. It was about festivals.
From last 10 yrs I had been pleading him about festivals that I'm supposed to follow. All he said was NOTHING. WE DON'T FOLLOW ANY FESTIVALS. So I started to follow my parental family's tradition of festivals like Gauri/Ganesh Chaturthi. Recently he said his mom used to follow Varmahalakshmi vratha which my mil and her co-sisters did not continue. So I was glad to hear one festival and decided to follow it. He also told me strictly that I should not follow my parental tradition of festivals like Gauri.
Yesterday suddenly he said I have to do Gauri vratha too and I have to give blouse peice to all ladies I invite for haldi kumkum. I was not prepared for this and I told him I cannot give blouse piece and more over no body will use it here. I would like to give cash instead. Later he also agreed and said it's a good idea.
Today morning I called my 2nd sil to wish her for Ganesh Chaturthi. She did not answer my call instead her dh talked to me and said she is gone to her friend's house for haldi kum-kum. I then handed the phone to my FIL and left. He immediately asked for my sil and she answered him. I was totally shocked. I now realize that she is avoiding me. I could not control but over heard their conversation. There was so much negative vibes from my sil and fil about me. My fil complained to her that I strictly told him I will not give blouse piece to anybody. They also discussed that I did Lakshmi vrata very grand because it's from my parental side of festival and I did not do Gauri vratha properly as it's from my husband's family's tradition. My sil also accused me that I'm a miser and selfish person who does not like anybody to come to our house and does not like to give daans to anybody. I was really upset. I'm a kind of person who believes that left hand should not know what right hand gives.
I was so mad and called my mom and just shouted at her (as I could not shout at my FIL).

All these years I had soft corner for my sil but today I don't feel any positive vibes towards her. I now realize that no matter how perfectly we try to do things, inlaws always find faults.

Sorry Ladies for long post. I just wanted to vent out.......

 

Hi Monita,

Thanks for your reply. Sorry to know about your mil's nature. It's so difficult to handle people with these mentalities.
I just don't understand what kind of happiness does he get when he talks negative about me. As a parent he should bring all his children and dils closer to each other by preaching good values not backbiting and letting the siblings fight. This will only increase hatred among ourselves.
Can't he understand that with this kind of negative publicity we will not be able to develop healthy relationship through out our life time?

 

I felt very bad after screaming at her. Thankfully she had put the phone on speaker and my dad and sis kinda knew that my FIL has screwed up with me and I'm just venting out. My poor mom.... she had no clue why I was shouting... They convinced her that I'm just upset with my FIL. Later I called her when I was calm and explained the whole situation to her.

Blessed, My fil is happiest man on earth as I shouted at my MOM. He does not like me being friendly with my sis and parents.
I tried to explain him previously in past 10 yrs but burnt my hands very badly..

 

Ashmitha,

Unfortunately I cannot get rid of my FIL in this LIFETIME.

 

It's a good idea. I 'm going to give a video tour of my kitchen to his relatives. what do you think?
Recently we went for a vacation and my FIL complained to his brothers and their families that we made him walk for miles without giving food and water till evening while we were eating like monsters.
I have to straighten this out.... by talking to his relatives.
We asked him if he wants wheelchair, he said he would love to walk (seriously even in this age he walks, travels alone from one city to another in India)and refused to take wheelchair. He wanted soft food and we used to get pasta, spagetti (angel hair ) ....