How to handle 'ignorance'...

headspin · Jun 17, 2011

Hi Friends,
i hope this is the rght thread. If not mods can move it accordingly.
Ok, my issue here is - how do i handle it when someone 'ignores' me?
I usually face this issue with my husband. Especially after we fight and no one makes up for it. Of course - with him - the ignoring part is till i make up and say sorry. so it not really a bother.
But now im facing this issue with my friend. i am a very introvert person with limited friends. frankly - just 2 girls - say A and B. or should i say 1 now B. A is a friend since i got married (Dh's friends wife) 4 yrs back and B is school friend of 15 yrs (but we lost contact for 4 yrs in between)
Not sure what happened, but A is not talking or calling me from last 2 weeks. and if i call her, she doesnt pick my call. im very sure she is not busy or has any other issues. Because she is apparently seen around with other firends and with common friends. infact, today i came to know through a common friend that A was meeting her for the thrid time in last 10 days as she was 'bored'.So its obvious she is ignoring me.
and unfortunately - this has hurt me. from what i know of A - she is basically jealous of me. Reasons:

1. because of my married life. we both are married with one kid each. but she is always comparing her kid with mine (though they are different genders). anything that i say i did with my DS or DH, she will add a comment saying 'oh, thats no big deal. i did it too'.she feels jealous of everything my Ds has.

2. she feels life has been too easy for me. i have a lot of help and support at home - in laws, maid, etc etc. with regards to job, kid - im very comfortable as i have understanding inlaws. she has none - not even a maid. not in great terms with in laws. living alone withkid and DH. but again - its all about choices right? she chose that life for herself, she she has that. i chose to live with inlaws, adjust with them, and today after 4 yrs - yes, we all love each other. i have also gone through tough times. im sure you all know its not easy job to live in a totally different family with people of different mindset... so its all about choices we make. she dint. its again not my fault..

3. her dh is stingy compared to mine. Dh and i are more fun-loving types and dont mind spending money to do things which we like (eg - movies, eating out, etc etc). even if its expensive - we might do it ocassionally, but we still do so. we watch min of 1 movie per week. she obv knows all and at times jokingly tells me off for being 'lucky'. but within her self, she is burning. not that she is less well off - but just that they are stingy people who prefer only 'saving' money. they want to enjoy without spending a penny , which is not possible.

4. she is expecting her 2nd kid. so she somehow feels that im enjoying life and she has to stop everything (including working) because she doesnt have/want help. nor do they wanna spend money for keeping help. moreover, when i had DS, her DD was 3 yrs old. so obv we all go through this sometime or other... but how is that my fault?

So coming back to the issue - im feeling really bad that she is not responding or calling. i have tried smsing her, calling her enough times (atleast 5 times call and 5 messages in 2 weeks) - but she doesnt respond. and honestly, my ego is getting hurt now.

what should i do? i dont wanna stoop very low and call/ms her again. so how do i handle the ignorance?? its hurting me...

sadwife · Jun 17, 2011

You clearly know she is jealous of you and now she is ignoring you.
You have done your part by calling and sending sms but yet no response from her. Then why do you still want to have her friendship?

You mentioned she is pregnant now. So might be the hormonal changes in her making her behave as such. Or maybe she has always thought of ending her friendship with you and now she uses her pregnancy as her excuse?

It's so much better to keep a distance from someone who is jealous of you rather than hear their remarks everytime you say or do something.

I think the best you can do is just leave her alone. If she comes back to you then you decide whether you want to be nice to her or let her taste her own medicine. Or if you think you really treasure her friendship, try visiting her at her place and see what she has to say.

mickeymini · Jun 17, 2011

Hi Headspin why do you bother about a person who is so jealous of you and dont even respect your friendship. She doesnt deserve it. You stop talking to her until she comes and talks to you. You very well know about her and then i dont understand why you are bothered so much. You always have so many friends here in IL. All our ILs are ready to be friendly with you. So just leave it for sometime. Take it out of your mind. Keep cool.

Rums · Jun 23, 2011

Stay away from these so-called friends. I used to have the same problem. I would feel so bad.
You know it's better to be far away from these people. They spoil your mood and happiness. pick friends who are happy for you. you can't find many like that but totally worth it :cheers

headspin · Jun 23, 2011

thanks for the advices ladies..
i know, i was being stupid to even care about what she does/does not do.

anyways, you all are right - i should not bother much and justbe ignorant as well..

thanks to all my IL friends here

shruthi10 · Jun 23, 2011

I agree with the rest, just ignore...I guess sometimes they just dun wanna be frens anymore....cos they are called 'fair weather frens'..they are v insincere.

True frens will never be jealous, they wld always be happy for u.

If she calls you, pls ignore...dun ever give in...she may only call you when she needs something.

Just my 2 cents worth.

preethiitech · Jun 23, 2011

Agree with every word of 'shruthi10'..

Ignore her.. She is not worthy of it..:idea

ALPA · Jun 23, 2011

HI dear,
why be bothered with someone who is bringing negative energies to you, she is not adding value to your friendship she is not a real friend, leave her alone and continue with your life, have friends who will add value to your life and who are good friends too.
love
alpa:cheers

kma · Jun 23, 2011

Go out and make other friends.If she is acting like that, even though it hurts you, you cannot continue friendship with her anymore. Dont spoil your mood over her anymore. Mingle with others too. You are sure to make friends with someone who values you better.

needhelp123 · Jun 23, 2011

What I don't understand why you want (or wanted) to be friends with her anyway? I mean you think she is jealous, stingy and what not. This is very odd to have such negative thoughts about a person you call FRIEND!
I don't know if your judgment about her is really fair.
You claim that she feels your life is so great and her is miserable. But I wonder if it is her or YOU who feels so blessed compared to her !?
Fact is she is ignoring you and she must have a reason for it. You claim it is jealousy but maybe there is something else.
Maybe you have hurt her feelings with your 'my life is so great and yours sucks'-attitude.
Sorry if I sound harsh but I feel really disturbed that you talk so bad about your so called friend.
I can imagine that you have shown her in one way or an other your true feelings about her.
So just think about if you are/were really so innocent for this breakup.:hide:

But okay if she is really such a bad person as you have described than you are obviously better off wihout her.