How to solve this .... please help..

DNM · May 19, 2011

This is such a sad situation. Honestly, I don't know if you can change your dad or anyone else for that matter. Atleast, the positives here are that you and your brother can take care of your mom. Maybe you do this regularly. You have your mom come and stay with you/your brother two weeks out of every month. This way, your mom gets a break from the abuse and your dad gets a break from his anger.

Your mom can go back to your dad when she worries about him. Don't force her but invite her and make her stay with you and your brother as pleasant as possible. Be okay if she refuses to come or refuses to stay for long. It is her life after all. Don't treat her like a kid. Let her know you enjoy your time with her and hopefully she will too and therefore come visit with you more often.

I don't think it can be a one time solution. It has to be a long term continued/managed/maintained solution in my opinion.

Best of luck! Prayers for your mom...and dad.

asuitablegirl · May 20, 2011

It is sad but this is the life your mom and dad have chosen for themselves. Contrary to popular belief, not all marriages are made in heaven. Not all matches are harmonious unions of love and joy. That's just the sad reality of life. It's possible your parents will never coexist peacefully or see eye to eye.

After so many years, it's unlikely either your mom or dad will want to challenge the status quo. If possible, you and your bro should give your mom support and a place to stay when she wants some breathing space. But if she wants to go back to your dad, then let her.

omnam · May 20, 2011

My dad also same problem. He used yell infront of all. Once we entered our teens, my elder sister started showing some mood disorder. She used start cry louder than my dad yelling and shouts which my dad realise not to fight infront of kids. Though my elder sis got the same attitude of shouting, yelling and crying till now. All coz of my dad.

We kids used to support my mom whenever he shout. Though he has changed he still the same. But my mom changed. Now she dont take any crape from him.

shree29 · May 20, 2011

Thank you ladies for your valuable suggestions...

our mom will be joining us here by next week and she'l be here for atleast 2 months as my bro's kids are very young, my sis in law will need her guidance in upbringing her 6 months old gals...

so the problem will be solved temporarily... and our dad will visit us once in every two weeks.. and its upto them to patch up now... mom will be always happy to stay with us... one more plus point is that all her siblings and her parents are in the same city where we stay she'l definitely have her best time here... and we make it point to give her what she expects...

hope she gets relaxed and dad realizes his mistake....

hoping for good... again thanks for everyone...

Sharmili Navab · May 20, 2011

Dear Shree,
Need not worry, everything will be alright by time...
Our family is exactly in same situation

shree29 · May 31, 2011

Thank you ladies for your suggestions ... mom is here with us now.... she is happy.... and we are happy.... lets see what will happen in coming days......