I don't know how to deal with this

Neha, my biggest worry here is your husband's H1.

Please go to Murthy website or immigration.com to get more details on extension of Visa. I may be wrong but I understand that, GC has to be filed and Labor has to be approved for your H1 to get extension. You may need to understand fully the conditions etc for Visa extension. Even if he changes job and they apply for GC, there isn't enough time here because as per the rule of extention of H1 B visas, you need to have applied for GC atleast a year ago, i.e. your labor application is pending or has been approved and your I-140 is pending. I suggest read up on this more and you will get a clearer picture.

You can google search for "extension of H1B after 6 years "...there is a lot of information there.

 

neha dear, nobody's asking you to sacrifice, in fact i did say in my 1st post why dont u do ur studies in ny, and ur hub work in chicago for 1.5-2 yrs? What's the issue here?
If hub says no u cant live apart, you act like a mature adult look him in the eye and say dear i've put a lot of thought into this we will be apart for 1/5 yrs but we will fly out to meet each other every 3 months and after this tough time of 1.5 yrs we will be together again, we need to tough out the tough times together, tht's what a true marriage and partnership is about.

See what I'm saying? It's not you sacrificing your studies for ur hub or ur hub sacrificing his US dreams for you, it's both of u sacrificing (in the short term)for ur future life together. Marriage is a long term bet, looks like u guys are in ur mid-20's , expect to live till ur 75(average) so that's 50 odd years of married life ahead of you, what's 1.5 yrs out of 50 yrs of marriage, It's going to be tough, but support each during ur tough times. As someone here said - think win-win - both of you win.

You;ve been out of the job mkt for 2 yrs, ur hub has been trying for a change since the last 12 months, so he knows how tough it still is to get jobs, US citizens dont get jobs, for H1 it is v v challenging, i think that is why ur hub didnt restict himself to 1 location but applied everywhere, he knows how tough it is out there, dont discourage him, dont make him lose hope, just like you are angry at him for asking him to give up your education dreams, he will also be shattered when you asked him to refuse the job offer.
(If both of u have decided to go back to india that's good but from your posts seems to me there is some latent desire to stay on in US I may be wrong. Anyway it's a matter of 1.5 years you can even postpone ur india dreams you get a good education here will be v valuable in india. My opinion - keep ur options open)

Dear when I first came to the US i was without a job for 1.5 years everyday i used to cry my hub is the greatest guy in the world took me travelling vacations shopping what not, but I still wanted a job. So I know exactly what you mean when you talk about not having a professional life. Have faith in urself, you will be suucessful and achieve all ur dreams -

Dear tough out these next 1.5 -2 years, with ur studies in ny and his job in chicago, think win-win, think long term success of ur marriage, think positive and the next 1.5 yrs will fly by as an investment for your future.

(I wrote v fast, wanted to respond to u quickly so that ur hub does not refuse the job, work through this togetehr, sorry for the spell etc. mistakes)

 

neha apologies to you i went through my 1st post again it is v harsh, Sorry I did not mean to be harsh. All the best to you and your hub dear, work through the tough times together, and enjoy the good times together too. Lots of v wise folks on this forum, hope they share their opinions and you and ur hub take the right decision.Take care

 

Neha,

I did not ask you to give up. Like I already mentioned, your post sounded like your husband is jobless for 1 year and finally got a job after 1 year of struggle. So, I was asking you to act according to the situation rather than being stubborn about what you want. But reading others posts I learnt he is not jobless but just looked for another job because he is not satisfied with the current one.
Yes,in that case since you are in the middle of your career too, the problem need to be discussed and resolved in mutual interest rather than benefiting just one person.

 

Hi neha1,

I was just reading all your replies and one thing just struck me. You said that your husband was looking for a new job since he needed an employer to sponsor his GC so that you guys can stay in the US after the completion of his 6 years on his H1b, right? So if he cannot find someone who can sponsor his GC in the next 1.5 years, you guys have to go back to India. I do understand that you have no issues moving back to India whatsoever as you can resume your career back home. However, if you were so adamant about getting your master's here since you could not sit at home all day, would you be able to complete your MS before the end of 1.5 years from now. With your prerequisites and then your course work, I guess it would take longer than that. So, at the end of the day, if your husband cannot find a gc sponsor, you would have to quit your studies midway and head back to India is it? And what about the money you spend on your education until then? If you were planning to take loans from India or pay through credit cards, you would be in a lot of debt before you go back to India. I am sorry I am not trying to discourage you or anything, but the decisions do not seem as practical as you think. If you wanted your degree so badly and did not want to waste any more time trying to apply to a different college, I wonder how you can quit your studies midway without getting even a degree. I completely wish your husband the very best of luck to find another employer who can sponsor his GC so that you guys can stay back atleast until you get your degree.

Please do understand that I have only pointed out the worst case scenario here and you guys can definitely work things out in a better way. What I am trying to say is when you guys are discussing about what to do, please keep your egos aside about who should give up what and try and work towards a mutual decision. Agreed your husband gave up his job in this tough economy. I have to say it was a bold step on his part. But somehow I still think giving up a grad school admission would have been a lot easier. I have been through this way and helped a lot of friends from India with their applications too and I do know how the admission process works. I do agree you were planning to start this summer and it would have taken just another semester for you to start finding something where your husband has a job. And with your GC in the process, you would have had some time on your hands, gotten your degree and then land a job eventually. Of course, it is a bit easier to find a job in the US with your master's degree, definitely not impossible.

All said and done, your decision has already been made. Your husband should have been a little bit accommodating with you staying in NY for at least a semester before you can join in a college in Chicago. You should have considered all the pros and cons before thinking girls have to sacrifice always. You know sometimes, we, as women tend to become competitive and start comparing everything with our husbands and fight for equality. We only forget that marriage is not a competition, or a ego game and that we just have to make adjustments with the situations.

I have read a lot of times on this forum that lot of us don't understand how difficult life is for ladies who come here on H4 visa having sacrificed their career and something they loved. While I do understand their plight, I think it is not very reasonable to argue that women have to sacrifice everytime because I bet all the girls who came here on H4 visa would have known the consequences of the visa and that they cannot work on that visa. It is not that this is a very new concept and only a few are aware of this. With the number of people migrating to the US every year, I believe every educated household in India knows the different visa categories and the consequences. On this forum itself, there are a lot of ladies on H4 visa, who do a lot of volunteer work and provide ideas to spend time in a productive way. At the end of the day, each family dynamics is different. But cribbing and complaining would only lead you to become more and more miserable and frustrated and that would affect your relationships. Just my 2 cents.

Sorry if my views sounded very idealistic. But guys, please think through.

Sonu.

 

neha1,

I was only referring to the H4 women in general, and was not trying to point at you specifically. Sorry if I responded without knowing the entire story. I really hope from the bottom of my heart that things work out in a great way for the both of you and that you both could do what you want in life. All the very best!!