Pls. help me - hubby's hobby - my nightmare

thanks ladies. let me answer one by one....

Hi Priya - u r right in ur thoughts but doing something like this may be inviting new problems for me only.... because pure faking will not work as he is very smart, i will either hv to share my problem with some friend guy and then go in required act OR just hv to flirt for the time being to make my hubby come back to his senses! In both situations, risk is involved....

I totally agree with you fencesitter & justanothergirl but my problems are increasing because of non-co-operation and trouble creation from my ILs end.... they knowingly or un-knowingly not letting me follow the way of solution! things can be better if they co-operate but instead they start putting allegations on me and this results in waste of my time and energy on un-necessary things. Also if i will try to discuss it open, again all of them will be on one side and will prove me wrong, useless and without briain!!


Hi Janvi - i m trying to anwer ur questions (my answers in itallic)

First ,Can you please clarify if his messages to the lady were old (meaning- is it before marraige ).... or after marriage.... i am sure, it was after marriage but there was NO DATE stamp on those chat msgs... I cud make out so becoz of the disucussion happng in those msgs were related to that period only!

If he had indeed sent those messages to ex-lover after marriage and when you caught hold of him with proof.....How did he react ?.Let me know
I remember very clearly, i was completing 7th month of pregnency and it was our off day. As i told u, we live with ILs... i was sitting with all and asked him for his laptop to do some work... he gave me and went away from there. After finishing my work, i just starting checking his folders (since I was hvng doubt on him) and suddenly, i got that data saved in one folder.... i was shocked.... and I was out of mind and was shivering badly.... my SIL n MIL asked me abt the issue but I didnt told them since I first wanted to confront him... and when I got the opportunity in evening to talk to him in alone, I asked him to go out of home for some discussion.... at the juice corner, i confronted him and he was VERY COOL abt it, he was not maintaing eye contact with me but overall he was very cool and was least interested in answering my question after giving one statement - ITS ALL PAST... NOTHING NOW... U R TAKING IT WRONG! Even he was least bothered abt my BP and criticial situation that time.... i was so surprised to see his level of calmness and balance of mind!! He played really cool!

today also when I talk abt this issue (his ex), he simply tell me that it was past, and when I question him that y dint u married her.... his answer is - "all girls are not marriage material" :idea


Stop all unnecessary parties atleast from your side....so that you have time to address the issue on hand....postpone parlor visits etc.....I am the last one interested to attend such parties dear! and parlour visits - touchwood, i dont require them like others do, i just go once in 2 months for basic hygiene - which is un-avoidable

Don't you have collegues /friends that have kids.....talk to them and make an arragement to drop your kid at their place sometimes....
unfortunately NO....

Where are your parents ?...If your parents are nearby let the kid stay at their place or ask them to visit for a month and let them takecare of your kid .... my parents stays at considerable distance from our house. Also since I m living with ILs, they get high on this idea of me dropping my kid at their house when they are here.... and start playing games and throwing tantrums and filling my Hubby''s ear's against me... which again becomes a big battle to fight... so, i try to stay away with this idea. No question of their staying at my house..... reason u must know by now!


Accompany your husband wherever he goes without any arguments.....Make arrangement for your kid and even when husband says no need for your to accompany....have your practical answers ready without involving spying the lady.....
I DO accompany him as far as possible... I wrote in my previous posts abt it that hw my ILs blasted me on this... and then my hubby decided to curtain and limit going to such parties and if he goes, then I shud stay at home with kid since his parents dont like and its not necessary for me to accompany him everywhere!

He can't do much if you have good reasons to accompany .....at the most he would grudge like you are leaving the kid alone....troubling parents to take care of kids....etc..... his parents will not let me go with him at such places with kid and also will not keep the kid with them.... what is the way out ???

Just bear such grudges and donot react....Even if you find something flirty or irritating don't react during the trip .Come back home ....write your thoughts down and
reflect on Occassions where he listened to you and think of how you presented it to him....

and make a plan to talk about it..... yeah... i will try to do it... its a complete exercise......:crazy

 

thanks ladies - i really appreciate the way u tried solving this issue... wanted to update you for last 3-4 days happng....

I had a fight-cum-disucssion with DH over office chat (both r working in same org.) wherein i tried to make him understand my view point without making him feel guilty or offensive or without showing lack of trust in him. I revolved my chat around the concept that I m not doubting him or her but I dont want him to fall prey of situation and at the same time I dont want thought provoking situations for me! I asked him to turn the table nd then give the situation another thought but he replied that every situation doesnt hv turning table scene.... he is male and i m female, so things are not same for us.....He gave a deaf ear to all my say but in last said that the Event is still tentative! I felt bit relaxed but warn him at the same time that let it be tentative or confirmed, he will Not go at the cost of ruining my mental peace. Although he repeated same thing that I hv a dirty mind and i m sick and then didnt talked with me for 2-3 days but I behaved normal & maintained healthy talking terms. Now he is mainting limited talking terms with me (which ofcourse is hard for me to tolerate - that too when i m not wrong).

Am I m lacking somewhere... as per me, I hv given more than one can in this relation - which i blv this relation deserves - but at times I feel that this is one sided relation wherein i m giving my more than 100% and he is just sitting and enjoying..... no value addition from his end....such a careless and carefree attitude, no expression of luv / respect / importance / belongingness / trust from his end... being a working woman and mother of a kid, i m going beyond my limits to make him happy but nothing seems to be working!!

wht shud i do, where shud i tie my ends!!!