I Feel like SINGLE MOM he's never home..SAD:-(

What do you mean He's more american? American guys also help out with the kids quite a bit, and they are responsible at home too. So, not sure what he's American about?

 

You may have to know more about American family structure and system before generalizing American men, Most often American men are more open minded than Indian or Indian origin men in terms of adopting children or marrying some one with children.

 

All I know is you have only 2 choices

#1 either figuring out a way to work around his approach or mentality (which means trying everything under the sun instead of just striking off all the possible ideas)

#2 keep quiet and do what he wants and STOP complaining.

People are suggesting and giving you diff. view points and all you are doing is just whine aobut how he is..or what he thinks or feels or how bad he is..its like bashing him left n right...or suddenly you will come back and say ...things are fine now and we sorted it out..and next day again the same bashing business!!!

REally pls be true to yourself atleast. you can cheat us here or your husband about what you are feeling, but dont cheat yourself. and if you really want to see change in your present situation, you HAVE to find out ways and try everything possible...TRYING doesnt mean you will do it once and just give it up..thats not trying...you need to have that passion to actually makeall this work out..beleif and faith has the capacity to do wonders... and it needs lot of patience, persistance and perseverance...and basically you have already given up way too early..so you feel its better to highlight his negativities as anyways he wont change..

SO pls choose one option instead of this negativitiy in heart and mind..atleast you know what you have to live with..

You can pour out all you want..but finally what is the solution or result you are expecting? doyou want us to feel sorry for you? or do you want to take the suggestions that people are giving you and ensure no stone is unturned??

 

beautifully said, vidya. totally agree with you.

 

Yes, I was shocked to read some of the statements. Oh well.
There seems to be some definite misunderstanding of American men/families.

 

Neha,

This isn't an American man vs Indian man problem. Over drinking, partying, not taking responsibility for the kid he created, is YOUR HUSBAND's problem. You are losing sight of the issues if you start to think this is a cultural problem, or that he's being influenced by his surroundings. There are MANY American dads who are a heck of a lot more responsible and caring towards their wife and kids than your dh is.

If your dh has a problem with drinking, you need to figure out whether he just really likes to drink, or whether he is addicted to alcohol. My dh drinks at home and out, but only a little and only occasionally. So drinking itself is not bad, it's how a person handles it, and whether the drinking is negatively impacting life. In your case you are unhappy, you feel your kid is not getting dad's love, he's not arround when you need him, etc. So yeah, that's a problem! I think you need to talk to him about it and let him know that you are very concerned. It might even be a good idea to take him to a substance abuse counselor and let them decide in their professional opinion whether your dh has a drinking problem and what can be done about it.

I agree with what Sri said in her last post. You need to be honest with yourself and address the problem. GOOD LUCK NEHA!!

 

Good points Sri.

 

Neha

On another note I feel you have actually made the situation worse by supporting his thought that he is American....he had some pre-conceived notions (that American guys wont help their wives or dont raise kids or drink every day at the crack of dawn etc..etc..) These were his thoughts and if he was following those, you should have actually showed him how the ACTUAL AMERICANS are!!!

If you kept saying or asking him this question are you an American to live like this etc..etc...it would have confirmed his notion...so basically your ignorance in handling the whole situation had brought more pain than the situation itself.

Please read what our friends have suggested here...aobut handling the situation and also aobut American men...I have seen my colleagues at work who are American MEN, they are sooo loyal and soo caring about their wives and kids...no where near to what you have pictured about Americans. (if there are movies showing americans who drink 24 hrs a day...remember there are such drunkards in every culture and country) they just need a reason to drink...nothing to do with the culture/marriage/kids. BEING IRRESPONSIBLE has nothing to do with culture/religion/country/sex for that matter....it depends on the person, his/her upbringing and approach towards life and marriage.

Time for you to change your own opinions and outlook and fix the situation at hand.