My life is going to change forever.

"MIL issue is understandable , that is universal , all MIL and inlaws are bad for most of the women, what is new in that"Tridev - It is certainly not new but you have a choice to refuse to live in that environment isnt it? In my opinion, OP has every right to fight to this (not literally). Living here is just as important to her as well. I have to say - Life in the US for a woman is far less restrictive than in Inida.. Much less social pressures and certainly more peace of mind. That is my nbr 1 reason for staying here. Its not just money that attracts me to the US. Its the fact you dont get judged if you are a south indian living in north india. or vice versa. People always smile. and are very straightforward. US is all about money BUT they also tell that to you. India is all about money as well but we pretend that its emotions and feelings and etc is more important. - Just My Opinion

 

Hi, I am new to this website and I have a friend who is going through similar situation. I guess you need to sit with your partner and draw out a list of pros and cons. This will open his eyes to problems which he has not seen which you probably have thought of. This might also open your eyes to some points which hasn't crossed your mind. This can be a real eye opener. You have a big decision to make and I wish you luck.

 

i understand u r situation mkgirl.Please make the decision as soon as possible becoz u r children are little in their age if u delay more then it will become a problem to u r children.put the ball in his court.tell him that these are all the problems we will face when we go to chennai.and list out in a paper and show him and make him understand certain things.tell him that u r having a very good life here and want to continue.but anyways as womens however the world changes we will not have any voice.one chioce is u can live seperately,for this reason dont breakup u r marriage.make him understand and then do whatever he wants to do.

 

mk...

If you are passionate about living in US..tell your DH that you wouldn't move at this point no matter what & let him work his life path with or without you,if he is still passionate about going back.

If you are just worried about potential intrusions from his relatives in Chennai,that is a non-issue.You can sit with your DH and set rules before the move.

When all is said and done...my guess is ...you will pack the bags and go with him...

 

Do not do this mkgirl. Thats my suggestion.

mk-
As always - you are going to get both ends of the spectrum in this forum. You need to think and act wisely as per your situation.

Giving any ultimatums such as above will only severely strain your marriage, so refrain from that. Find a middle ground like some of the others have mentioned here. He has every right to live the life he wants, and so do you. So, you have to find a middle ground since this is your common life and you dont want either one to be unhappy. In such situations, compromise is the only way - if you are worried about inlaws interference, talk to him so arrangements can be made to minimize that - either a different city in India, or a separate house in India etc.

Bottomline - both of you need to give up some of your 'dream' life, and make compromises, so both can be reasonably ok instead of one of you being very happy and the other being sad. Those compromises are very much part of marriage sometimes.

 

Yeh !!!! CHANGE is the only thing happens every time in this whole world. Be positive that everything is going to be for a gudsake .Dont worry u can get back uer lifestyle, work , wealth .... Try to make uer husband understand your feelings about the positve and negative side of getting back to chennai.What i felt was its a gud idea to leave uer kids to uer in laws and start concentrating on uer own career.I puzzle at all times why girls are always to born to worry... never we have our own life to live.My idea is speak with uer husband

Situation 1: Try to stay as long as possible

Situation 2 : Back to Chennai ,Do all the things whatever makes u happy!!! secure a job .Dont worry abt Backbiters.

 

Your husband needs to be considerate of you and your preference. He can't make decisions as per his whims. I dont know to what extent your in-laws are intrusive, but some in-laws can ruin the marriage. In my case, my marriage was almost over because of my MIL and my husband brainlessly supporting her. Life is so peaceful for me in US. Some Husband's can never realize the pain their wife would be going through with such bullying in-laws. They lack the empathy to understand their wife. Not necessarily your situation could be same as mine. But if you feel your happy marriage could suffer by moving to India, then you have every right to protect your happiness. If your husband loves you and values you, he'll respect your concerns regarding going to India. He cannot take decisions which may leave you in a difficult situation.

 

mkgirl,
In what ways is your MIL harassing you? If there are concrete examples, explain that to him.

Also - is he not agreeing if you say you can go to India but live in a separate house?

 

Its a tough call indeed. The wife is supposed to leave a well settled life whenever the hubby decides . Why is saving the marriage only a womans job ??
If the wife refuses to accompany the marriage is at stake ! The hubby should also compromise .
On the other hand the relatives will not intrude so much if you do shift to Chennai forever as the novelty factor will wear off and the imported goodies will obvously stop. After a few months everybody will settle down to a few visits on family functions .
Both the set of parents are aging and may need care later. Your hubby could be getting a lucrative offer in Chennai , you can also get another job. It will be easier for kids to adjust to a new school when they are young.
Nowadays people are getting 2 flats in the same building ,one for themselves and the other for parents.
Regarding education in India its pretty good. In fact a lot of NRI youngsters are studying in the local colleges .
Life will not be fun if you do decide to stay back ,the entire dynamics will change without your spouse. The kids need their father too . Why deprive them of parents and a happy family life ?
Anyway life will change if you are not together as a family . He may not agree to leave kids with you.