Poles apart - Need some insight

rosegirl · Sep 21, 2010

My Dh is exactly like yours. Introvert/Extrovert combo, we are poles apart, constantly fighting for petty things, totally different parenting styles, he pokes his nose in all the matters.

My dh used to ask every hour if I changed diapers, if I fed the baby when my DS was little. Seriously ... Am I having short term memory loss ? I know when to feed and change, its something mothers know. He would constantly monitor what I am doing and how I am doing.

I dont even recall how I somehow raised my son those initial years and by gods grace he is going to KG now and still DH is monitoring what I pack for lunch to him, how i comb his hair, what tee shirt I put for him, how i give him a bath .... gosh.

This will never change, but its not bugging me that much now since I have gotten used to this stupidity. Everytime I tell DH to stop criticizing and interfering he plays the Dad card " I am his dad and I have all the rights to look out for his welfare", So u just have to learn to ignore little ones and talk about really annoying ones and find a solution.

sumitasage · Sep 21, 2010

I did ask him to take care of the baby if he doesn't like my way for which he said that I am egoistic and didn't do things his way. Even his parents think that he behaves wierd in all this.

Regarding discussion about his cousin I wasn't actually comparing. We were talking about our friends in general and my husband said that his cousins family is very organised and we should learn from them for which I said "yes and also they find time to do variety of things" and then the below argument happened.

I am not able to loose postpartum weight since I feel hungry as I am feeding the baby not that I gained too much. I lost 20lbs immediately after delivery and have 10lbs still left.After the argument I told him that I am fine with cutting down the weight provided he can give milk to the baby since I would be on strict diet too which would reduce my milk supply.He fell silent after that.

We are not on talking terms since then and I am able to give only one word answers to him(He is trying to talk). I am not able to come out of it as I feel these kind of words are coming from him way too frequently.

I can't even avoid arguments because if I keep quiet and don't say anything then he will be after me asking why are you not saying anything tell me and then starts all the ramayana...

sumitasage · Sep 21, 2010

It is not just with the baby. If I buy some dress or accessories he doesn't like I get to hear that they are not good everytime I wear them. I can stop wearing them and buy whatever he likes but he hardly likes anything. If we go to a shop it takes atleast an hour for him to choose 1 shirt.

My in-laws themselves say that we know he is wierd so just ignore. If I ignore what he says then he will be after me for an answer and if I ignore him then there will be world war 2.

Saying all this I don't want to picture him as a rude person. He is very affectionate, loving and took very good care of me during pregnancy as my parents could come only a week before my delivery. He wants me to buy nice clothes, takes me to expensive restaurants etc. His extreme nature of interference just irritates me a lot.

Thx Sumita

Priya16 · Sep 21, 2010

didn't do things "his way"
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I really get mad if I see the word his way.The single sentence taunt me all the time.Even I really didn't find any solution to it.
But in my case it's not like all the time.It's is sometimes.So I just ignore or sometimes give him back and anyhow he won't care not sensitive for the things which I give back.

Now I remembering something like,you know when some one comes to work at your house in India(servents),typically owner would tell 100 things to do and 100 ways to do.Mostly the servent never talks back and they all say is ok,.It resembles the same situation in the houses too.They feel as masters and servents (we ) should obey to there orders.
If they don't something we does,why can't they do it themself?
In my case,If I say I am not going to do,my husband doesn't have any problem.He will do it by himself.He is one stubborn guy without any flexibility.

I beleive we need develop skin like "who cares anyway" as other poster mentioned in some other thread.With that atttitude may be you don't feel so mcuh stressed.

If these things happen once in a month or two months then you don't take it serious.But if it's day in day out thing then it's serious then you need to have some serious plan about it how you both manage the things.