do you forgive your mother in law

Hire a nanny or saend him to day care or you do it yourself.
No point in complaining about MIL. She is doing what she thinks is right.
She already took care of her children or had the luxury of someone else do it for her. Its not your MIL's or Mom's resposibility to take care of your child.

 

Your mil has already done her duty in life by raising her own children (i.e. your hubby). Obviously she is not THAT bad a mom else your hubby would not have survived till adulthood. Yet, here he is!

I really don't feel bad for you, sorry to say. You are using your mil for free child care. Don't like the way she does things? Then do what the rest of women all over the world do... and either take care of your child yourself, or put your child in a day care center or hire a nanny.

If your child means so much to you, and you GENUINELY think he is in danger each and every day you leave him to go to work.... then what type of mom are you to continue leaving him with your mil? I don't get it! You are implying that your child is in danger with her, yet you continue to put your career ahead of your child, or your money ahead of him... since all it would take to get him out of that situation is by paying to put him in a reputable day care, or with a good nanny.

So either your mil is not as bad as you say she is. Or she really is, and you are just too penny pinching or career oriented to put his well-being ahead of your own. I feel bad for your child. His grandma is cursing him to other people, and his own mom complains so much on an internet website, yet hasn't done anything to help him get better care. Talk is cheap. If this is a serious issue to you, then DO something about it.

 

I dnt mean to sound rude here..... Can't care less abt you mil n your forgiveness.

You r a working lady .... I appreciate that..... But the first think is your a mother, I'm not judging you here, what u have written makes my blood boil , I dnt knw how you r able to take this... N write a post on a website abt will you forgiving your mil blah...blah..blah , sorry what's the difference between u n her, she is mistreating him n you r allowing her.. I stead of putting your foot down n saying enough in enough..... You r talking abt forgiveness when you son needs u the most.

Put your son in a day care where he can stay whole day n pick him up when u get back frm wrk... That way he is safe. Or give him to your parents if you can't take care him.....

Plz plz your a mother first .... It's above your money ,job ills n husband.

 

Shilpa, i was in your shoes some time ago. Just swap your MIL with my mom. I was working and my mother used to baby sit my son. Initially i did try my best to keep quiet with her way of taking care of the child. My child used to be in the same diaper till evening i used to put him before going to work. Before going to work i used bathe him, feed him and then leave to work.
When i returned from work, i used to see my child hungry and crying and still no one to attend. When he learnt to walk he would be left unattended in the balcony and at times he even tried to climb up on chair and lean over balcony. But then i had no whereto go.
Leaving my job was not an easy option because my husband had almost deserted me.
But i had to realize that MY CHILD IS MY RESPONSIBILITY and that i cannot offload my responsibility to my mother. I decided to quit my job and takecare of the child. I could not bear my child being neglected anymore.

My suggestion would be to take some time off from work and attend to your child. Remember your child is suffering more than you are. Just that the child cannot express it as well as you can. or you can find a good day care where children are nurtured. Take action now and be there for your child

GoodLuck

 

@riya sorry to hear abt your situation , I'm glad that you are doing what u can fr you child

 

I forgive poeple anyone , only if they ask for forgiveness and also ready not to repeat the mistake.
Actually they ask for forgiveness only if they realise the mistake..

 

What sort of a grandma is she? Forgiving your mil is not a concern at this stage but your baby's well being is.

I would suggest you to take a break for few years and take care of your baby. If that is not an option, you should opt for a day care. or if it is possible, you can ask your mom to take care of your child. It is a risk if you don't act at the earliest.

 

Hi Shilpa, I am so sorry for your 10month kid, did you MIL do all the 9things you have stated in one day? If not the minute you reliase she did one thing you have stated here , you should have removed you kid from her care immediately. How will your kid forgive you if he knew you left him in her care knowingly she(your MIL ) is doing all the things you have mentioned. As AGS mentioned your MIL has done her duty to take care of her child. Its a mom's responsibility to take good care of her child not others. That means if you are working you should find a nanny or other alternatives, instead of finding solutions/suggestions/opinions with regards to your MIL.

 

From your post, it is quite clear that you have arranged for 2 helpers who do all the housework and all your MIL has to do is look after your son. Probably, you find it fair enough that she has all the help needed and she shouldn't be having any problem looking after your son.
What do you think is the reason your MIL is neglecting your son?
1. Does she have different belief than your? (some people believe kids shouldn't be too protected from germs so that they can develop immunity.)
2. She is not willing to look after your son?
3. She is careless and lazy?
Whatever the reason is, your top priority should be to give your son good care. You already have 2 helpers, I think you can ask one of them to clean and feed your baby, pay her extra. Or you can hire another nanny dedicated to your child who can look after your son the way you want her to even if it proves to be expensive.

Your fears and disappointments are pretty common. Almost all working mothers have this fear somewhere at the back of her mind that her child is being neglected. The issues of neglect are almost always there whether the grandparents are looking after the kids or the nanny or if you are leaving your child in a creche.

So, I think, instead of getting mad at your MIL, focus on what you need to do to make sure that your son is safe and healthy.