carrying guilt for the past 5 years

Another male perspective:

Whatever happened is prior to your marriage. It is your fault that you did not reveal it before marriage, considering the expectations of men from Indian culture. But you have been faithful since your marriage and the fact that you repent shows you are good person.

Revealing now is going to cause a lot of turmoil, especially with the child in the picture. You can juxtapose the guilt of not revealing the past against the welfare of the child and his need for happy parents. This will help alleviate a lot of the guilt and it is for a very legitimate reason. Also try to be extra nice to your DH and in-laws and try to forget the guilt. Suppressed guilt will eventually start affecting behavior. In other words, quietly reach for salvation through your actions rather than by beating up yourself emotionally.

 

Here is another man's perspective:
I think you are being too hard on yourself. This guilt is your own creation and completely unnecessary. Sexuality is a normal part of adulthood, physical love is one facet of a relationship. It was not wrong to express it. Don't torture yourself over it.
Regret and guilt are ghosts from the past. Hope and fear are ghosts from the future. But all you really have is the present. You are so filled with regret and guilt about the past and fear for the future, that you are losing the present. This is wasted energy that's better invested in your relationship with your husband. Transform that guilt: every time it rears its ugly head, make a note to yourself to do something nice for your lives together now. Transform that negative emotion that helps no one into positive action that will help your marriage and family!

 

In western countries, having sex before marriage is a natural and adolescent thing. It is because of the harmones. It is culturally and socially accepted thing. In india, we are still in the transition phase. It is not culturally accepted yet. This difference of values weighs and stresses a woman into guilt more than a man. But after marriage, values are same in india and in western countries. When a woman's mood is low or when she is stressed, the guilt feelings worsen. So take care of your moods. the guilt feelings will go once you understand that what you did was neither right nor wrong. Usually our mind needs to attribute our behavior to a reason. Then you can put the reason to your harmones or to the freedom given by the transition phase of time for our culture to change.

 

Its all being made in your mind only, out of that, the world is cool and smoothly moving...
Clean the dirt in your mind and move on with cheers..
You mentioned that you have cheated your husband, but your husband is not in existence when you really did what you call today as CHEATING.. so, its all in your mind now, work it out yourself only, come out of that feel ASAP.

Just ignore and love your husband more as a pay off of your guilt.. dont build it up too much..

Virginity, physical relationship is not so important in front of the emotional binding. Dont hurt yourself with your own feel.. smile and move on

 

[FONT=&quot]Here's my perspective: [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I don’t think you did anything wrong and there is nothing to be forgiven. You were in love and having sexual relationship is just one expression of that love. So torturing yourself with your guilt is completely unnecessary. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Plus, this is not cheating; your husband was not even part of your life at that point of time – your life had completely different set of circumstances then. What you did at that instance seemed right to you in those set of circumstance. So, how can you call it cheating? Cheating would be if you do something post marriage. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He would not come to know about it, unless you share it. Since, you did not disclose it before marriage ( a choice you made based on circumstances then), you have to make a choice whether you want to do it now or not. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]There are men who can digest women’s past and there are men who cannot. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]If your husband cannot digest it, then just think “It was your past, and you need not bring it to frontline and ruin your present.” What had happened has happened.Overcome the guilt and live peacefully. And do not share anything with your husband. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]If your husband can digest it, then you have to be careful how to share, when to share and how much to share. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]For more discussion on this topic, see my post:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]http://www.indusladies.com/forums/singles-world/103187-need-some-advice.html[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I was myself in the similar dilemma (though not exactly same), I have come to the conclusion that sharing all details is unnecessary and being foolish in the name of honesty. Some things can be shared but only after having understanding whether husband can digest it or not. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Sharing or no sharing, Just love your husband and move on with life. [/FONT]

 

Simplegirl

"The past is history, the future a mystery. Right now is a gift, that's why it's called the present."

Think about this and you will realize you are ruining your present because of your past.
Why torture yourself mentally when you have not cheated on your husband , you were in a relationship prior to your marriage ,Pre-marital sex has existed since ages , Abroad and in India, in Cities and villages too , stop playing the judge and pronouncing yourself guilty. We learn from our actions and that is what makes us wiser.
Just let your past be where it should be "Buried and live every moment of the present with pride.

Love your family to the fullest.
________________________________________________________
Cheers Charvi

 

Forget about that idiot and live your life happily now. Have you seen Jab we met. Just take that person's picture or anything and just burn it or flush it out of your life. Press the delete button, do not disturb your beautiful family life. I think sometimes its better to hide and bury certain things than to keep thinking about them.

You have everything, a loving husband and beautiful child. This is nature's way of balancing your life after all the mess you went through at a young age.

 

Hi,

As every one told,Past is past.Dont think of your past and spoil your present happiness.

Dont reveal your past to your dh.Men are not prepared to hear such pasts. Think about your son's future.

Indulge in spiritual activities or your favourite past time activity.

Spend quality time with your family.


All the best.Take care.