Fresh start in middle age

Hi friends,
Do you think a woman in her 40s who spent most part of her life as dependent hw can start a fresh life (seperated from H) that too with a kid in teenage. If you come across anyone (in their middleage) who started to live alone, developed a career, suceeded please share with me.( I am really struck, wanted to live atleast peacefully:drowning)

 

Hi friends,
thanks for all your encouraging words. I personally knew lot of strong women but my longtime dependency on my H and the abuse I am going through left me with very low self confidence. Priya, now I started to work for purely temp job which I accepted only to get outside exposure. The thought of living alone and able to support my daughter really scares me. In fact looking for a job and starting a career again is not new for me. I did that 3 times (b4 marriage, after marriage moved to different city, again moved to another state etc). But then I was young and had lot of energy and confidence. Now I am in a totally different country with different work culture and environment and I am really worrying about my energy and strength. Any way I will see whether I could able to cope in this job and I can able to learn anything and improve. I will write about me in detail in next post. thanks for all your suppport

 

QUOTE=SriVidya75;1399486]Ushie

I wont give you all hi funda inspiration talks because am sure we have tried our best to motivate several of our posters here...

But when you specify things like middle age...teenage..I have not understand what you want to potray yourself as...

Life is about taking one day at a time, taking that bold step and moving forward and making best out of every situation we come across. You cant just sit and plan and hear stories and decide things for your life.

You have to start making your own routine, your own life, your own goals and dreams, your own principles and rules and start with one at a time. There is nothing that a person cant acheive, if he wants to. If you are thinking about whteher to live separate or not...then ask yourself why you got that thought in first place (sorry didnt read your past threads). But if you already made a decision, take one step at a time and first start moving out by renting a apt and taking up a job and one by one handle things.

Initially its going to be difficult..yes for sure..but when you got married and moved to this country with your husband, wasnt it difficult? to please him..to ensure he is happy, to ensure everyone around you is happy, to ensure you wont make mistakes!! so think of those days...now if you start living separated, then also its going to start the same way..a bit scary, a bit worrisome, a bit anxiety etc...[/QUOTE]

Hi Srividya,
Thanks for your reply. My post may sound like I am giving excuses such as middle age iinstead of taking steps to improve my life. I often used to post my problems here. Just to brief you about my situation, I am married for 16+ years, moved to US b4 9 yrs living with extremely controlling H and DD. My H had anger problems, and lot of issues due to his family background used to have issues at jobs often used to leave job (mostly due to his anger and other issues). Strangely first 5 yrs of my marriage I am the only person he used to behave well (he use to fight with even his mom). Slowly I could able to change him, tolerated his constant lies and made him study further(at that time I worked in India and supported him) and he got a nice job in US. After coming here in dependent visa his attitute towards me completely changed started to abuse me (physically and verbally), isolated me from my foo, no access to bank a/cs, etc (without any provacation from my side). when it got worse I took TPO and he moved out of house for few months. Due to immigration and other issues I accepted his request for reconcillation and he agreed to go for anger mgt and counselling. but after we joined again(much against my foo's advice) he refused to fulfill anything further accused me for the steps I took and now I lost my foo's support and my position is worst. Only success I have is I can able to stop physical abuse.
The efforts I took to improve my situation are, I did volunteer work at nearby school just to improve my communication, did whatever free course I can attend (shortterm communication courses), I applied for a 2 year associate degree course in very demanding field at good institute my H refused to sign and I couldnt join. Later I started to work parttime from home to my H's friend's company for very less salary just to gain exp out of which my H will take 75%. Now My confidence and my health is very weak. One of my friend suggested that it may be due to my middle age and my learning curve might be slow. (Also I took a long break from working outside).

Now I dont want to waste my time. I can either put all my effort and fight for myself and my dd or I can accept my defeat and go back to my foo (we have a house and a family venture which I can look after in India). That means complete break from my H. I am so confused thats why I asked ILites about starting fresh at middle age. Anyway thanks for your thoughts and I hope I can able to survive.