characterless Husband

Dear Varah,

I didnt read all the comments, but read your full post. I usually dont advice to get divorce to any of my friends because I am not sure how the life will be after getting divorce, I mean, even though you live as a "Single" you will be labled "Divorced". Also I understand your concern about your single sister and her life. I certainly dont ask to accept everything and live.

Men who are so much emotionally dependent on parents , like you said, expect wife to be like mega serial character.. live for husband, think in-laws as their own parents and think her own parents secondary bla bla bla. Its Just stupid.

As one of them said in previous comment, please dont get pregnant. Secondly, come to India. I understood from your other comment that your husband is planning for india trip. Make use of it, play along with him, grab the things you needed, and COME to India. If you have your parent's support stay with them. Else if you could stay with your single friends as a roommate, do that. Try for a job. Being away from him, makes him to think. Also, I strongly believe that he is emotionally blackmailing you. By that I mean, he knows very well that you worry about your sister life. So having that in mind, he trusts that you wont go for divorce and will bear whatever he does. So when you come and live here without him, thats the first strike for him. He will understand that you wont hesitate to divorce him (this is to threaten him. ). This time alone is a oppurtunity to you to realise what happens next. Most ladies undergo all the issues and bear them just because they are scared to think what will happen next if I walk out of this marriage? That is the emotional gate they put for themselves, lock it up tight and lose the keys. Those keys are confidence and courage.

Give it at least 3 months. Believe me, you will be under confusion only if you continue stay with him. Try this NOW when its NOT TOO LATE. Within that period you will get a clear picture. I believe that he will come down and speak to you. In that case, go for marriage counselling.

I understood that you mentioned he is brought up like that, and its difficult to change him. Yes I agree with that too... But without taking these steps if you end up getting divorced, you might wonder what would have happened if you would have tried the above, and getting divorce was good idea or not etc.. If you give the above a try, and still its not worth, then you can go to divorce without any guilt in your mind..

Dont worry about your sister's marriage and her life. Men are all not the same.

God himself shown the way, that your H planned India trip. Just come and dont go till he accepts your way. Else get divorced in India itself and live your life. Dont open any of these matters to him when you are there. Honey you are alone there. Just play along and come here..

Hope I have helped you.

 

I just read the original post and havent seem the follow-up conversations.

I think the problem is not his "Character" or Charitra in Hindi but a combination of other things. Its not fair to call him characterless.

 

true
QUOTE=Umlaut;1378181]Dear Varah,

I am sorry for your situation. Although I feel sad for your I cannot but help remark that this situation is very much of your own making: I mean, when you were not comfortable with guy when the alliance was being discussed, then you could have put your foot down and refused to marry him. Was there any specific reason that you had to marry this guy only? From your post it appears that you don't love him. Or even remotely like him.

All that I can suggest to you for the time being is:

1. Don't have a child, no matter how much you are pressured by in-laws or parents. Your parents might have talked you into marriage but don't let them talk you into having a baby.
2. If you are not already working, then get a job. And don't, for heaven's sake, hand over your earnings to him.
3. Your jewels are your own. Do not, repeat do not, go and hand them over to these people.

God Bless.[/QUOTE]

 

correctly said

 

OP dear, your DH needs to be shown the middle finger :rant sorry for being rude but just couldn't help it after reading your post.

I see that you are staying in US and DH is looking to come to India. Come along with him don't miss this chance. Not sure if you continue staying in US you can really get away from him and win. The chances are very remote. So come to India with him.

Here, start looking for a job. To hell with DH and ILs. Don't talk about divorce yet. Say you need time for yourself. Is your sister's alliance fixed/looking or she is still studying? Whatever don't stay with parents if possible. Looks like they too wont be happy with the younger in the house, and you at home with marital problems. So don't expect them to support you. Stay in working women's hostel/friend if you have.

Become emotionally and financially independent. Then take the final plunge of divorce whether mutually or otherwise.

 

This thread is atleast 5 yrs old.

 

OMG. Nice observation. I was feeling sorry for OP reading all the posts from starting. Hope things got sorted out between OP and her DH by now and they go on vacations together only.

 

OMG...yes I too didn't notice this. But I hope OP has solved her problems!!

 

i read through the thread too. hopefully she has solved all her issues and is doing fine. it was nice of you to try and offer suggestions but i felt since it is outdated not sure how helpful the time is on spending on this thread.

 

OP didn't login since 12th Feb 2015 so I am guessing she is doing fine. It will be nice of her to update the status whenever she comes back. Anyway, it was nice of you to alert us.