Sparing or almost no sex for 5.5 yrs with my DH

Dear svb,

i totally understand what u mean by the fact that now u will show interest in sex and dressing nicely...

many people think that women dont have much sexual needs or fantasies... its just that women are supposed to be demure and shy and never showing any physical desire. its all a load of crap.

women get hurt by constant rejection just as much as a man would be. and it can make any person, man or woman, shrink from showing any active interest in indulging in sexual relationship with a person who constantly rejects him/her ... it can be very humiliating...

so i totally understand that u will now need to be brave and show your own desires, while trying not to be scared of being rejected again...

my best wishes are with you sweetheart!

Hugs!

PS: dear indianguy, i humbly request you to kindly avoid quoting chemical/hormonal facts and figures or surveys or studies/books about the level of sexual desires in women here.

 

I also humbly request! (esp. the book from Nancy Saturday/Sunday)

 

Thanks Spiderman1 and DaisyMom.
Thank you for your Hugs ... I need that a lot...
Thanks once more.

 

a change of place for a few days will work wonders.

i suggest u go on a short vacation with ur DH. go to someplace in ur own state or fly to Goa. Goa is quiet fascinating during monsoons... spend lots of time in ur hotel room

i can suggest a few places to stay if you are interested in Goa. just lemme know ur budget and if u r wishing to go. The packages come rather cheap in this season. :thumbsup

 

I did not chip in earlier as I did not know what to suggest you, but your latter posts made me do so. I am in a very similar situation as you are. My husband and I had also not done the deed for quite some while. You can read more about it in my thread...

You said something on the line that now it is too late. What do you mean by this? I am not sure if your are solely missing the sex in your relationship or generelly the love?

Anyway, it is not too late to save your marriage. Negative feelings preside as long as you do not overwrite them with positive memories. You are saying that your husband has got more mature and is talking things out with you.

Girl, now it is your turn, you need to work on the issues so that normalcy can return. Please dont expect that he will do all the work. Daisymom has given you a great idea of going on a short vacation. Please leave the kid with your inlaws or your parents and concentrate on you and your husband as partners on this vacation. Get ready for it, groom yourself to the max, so that you feel good and sexy and your husband feels attracted to you again. Get a good perfume with pheromones, so that you hubby finds you irresistable. Try out sexy underwear, get a new haircut. Look your best. Maybe you too have some ideas how to get into the mood.

I believe that you not only need to get the sex back but you also need to get the love back. Do you have feelings of being in love with your husband? I don`t mean loving your husband, but the feeling of being IN LOVE. Do you like spending time with him, having fun with him, joking, roaming around. Maybe you can implant something like a date-night with him. The Obamas do that too. Spend a evening alone with your husband, go out with him, to the movies, to a dinner. Just like on a date. Without the kid. Let the past, be past and rediscover your husband. Rediscover the love...

What do you think?

 

Trying that already, I am going to puducherry day after tommorow but with my kid , he is not very familiar with his any side grandparents.Also they live very far.

Can u suggest which perfume /deo had pheromone , I will put is on my husband , .Also will put the opposite one.

I want to relax first..
Also finding very strange to start afresh , it is not same as honeymoon enthusiasm.
He has never showed that cuddling to get me in the mood...he somewhat shows nowadays, I also get very conscious to react normally.I really dont know...what I am going thru...

I am also finding sometype of void inside me after the struggle.

 

Perfume are a personal choice, but e.g. Davidoff Cool Water is very sexy on men. For myself I personally like Mademoiselle Chanel very much. If you have a chance, go tho a department store and try out some ;-)

 

I have a very different take on this whole thread. Bebe's situation and incarnation's situations are very different. So lets not mix the two.

For incarnation, for some reason - sex has become a focus point of discussion on this thread.
However, I think the FUNDAMENTAL issues transcend sex. Sex (or lack of it) is only a side effect of the fundamental issues.

I dont know if the fundamental issues have been truly addressed. Until then bathing in perfume also may not really work, and going to Alaska or Carribbean may not truly work.

If the fundamental issues are resolved - then even a kitchen floor would seem like Tropical Islands and the sweat at the end of the day will smell better than Davidoff or Calvin Klein.

Why has the DH accepted to move on? Is it because of the threat? Is he truly interested? Is it because of the kids he doesnt want a break in the marriage? Is he really interested and passionate about his DW? Is she about him?

What about confidence and trust in each other? All kinds of fundamental things in the marriage needs to be worked on.

All other suggestions may be superficial and it may work for a few months, and questions may come over again.

This is my frank opinion. The initmacy is only a mere symptom, its not the root cause.

 

Spidey I absolutely agree with on all counts. My suggestion are superficial, they will not tackle the root cause... However if something can bring a change in her feeling inadequate, maybe she will feel better about herself...