In laws spend a lot sil interfears a lot

who says 2 people are not alike.MY DH is exactly like yours and same situations of parents. I have recently put a post ..My situation really went bad, hope you learn somethings from it and save your golden years of marriage..

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/me-and-my-spouse/105324-sparing-almost-no-sex-5-a.html

 

You are married to your DH for 2 1/2 years. By now, you should have a good rapport with each other. Why should your SIL or close friend help you convincing your DH?? Communication is highly important in any relationship, esp in a marriage. Communication helps in building an open and honest relationship.

When you have an issue, talk to your DH directly. If he is the kind of person who will not talk to you about important things, then don't give up. Start with smaller things, like everyday household matters. Discuss with him and get him used to this discussing routine. Then you can upgrade to important things in your life. But please don't rely on outsiders for conveying messages to your DH. Good luck!

 

Even before I talk about your inlaws problem, I have couple of things to point out here...

first its been 2 and half yrs..and your husband has lot of debt for what so ever reasons. So instead of handling the debt and finances and instead of geting him to understand and view your Point of view, you went ahead and planned for the baby? on what basis?

How did you plan to raise the baby? when the father of the baby is not ready yet to be a father? when your husband is not ready for additional expenses. When he was thinking twice to spend for the regular things that you both need as a family, isnt it like a additional burden for him so inspite of all this you expect him to enjoy your pregnancy and appreciate all this?

I dont know what to say when you mean you are old so you need to have the baby quickly, just because you are getting old, you went ahead and got pregnant, so what if tomorrow inspite of baby being around wont change things and what if things go bad to worse? so again you would blame the husband for being non cooperative? or would you blame the baby for making you stuck in the marriage?

Really I dont understand whats the point in blaming your SIL/inlaws? when you are not able to make him see your point of view, it means you both need time to make each other understand. and having a baby is going to complicate everything as you would feel more unwanted and unappreciated.

Pregnancy is a time where you both need to enjoy and be happy for the baby , not something to be worried over or tensed up about. and with all these issues mounting in your head and your hormones going up and down, you CHOSE this pregnancy time to solve and fix up issues you are having with your husbands nature? Sorry, to say, but this is not the time to resolve or fix anything . This time is for pure relaxation, being calm, taking enough rest, eating healthy and thinking positive thoughts.

So please keep all these money issues aside atelast temporarily. Also dont think that your husband is a baby that he doesnt know what he is doing and how your inlaws are taking advantage of him. NOPE. He is a grownup and he knows totally what he is doing . So he has to realise not the inlaws.He is the one to take responsibility of HIS marriage. Not your inalws. So target HUSBAND. Not inlaws.

 

I think you might have thought that after the baby's birth your husband will slowly change his behaviour and would think about savings,right?
It is a very normal expectation.So I feel that there is nothing wrong in having a baby.But stop telling any of your problems to your SIL and also don't say anything against spending so much money on ILaws, since it will cause negative reactions only.So be quiet and enjoy your pregnancy.Things will automatically change.

 

As Sri said, going ahead with pregnancy was a wrong move. Getting a
' friend / SIL ' involved was all the more worse. You said he changed his mind after his sister spoke to him. You, returned it by getting a friend to talk the same thing. It looks even but not a right move.

Babies DO NOT solve problems. Period. They are humble humans who are
' bought ' into this world by us. They cant afford a choice. We can.

You must've sorted your issues first and then got a baby amidst you. You trusted your SIL , fine. Now, you realised she is no angel, so you backed out. Good. Matter over. When you know they create trouble and your hubby just listens to them no matter what, why do you even bother to talk the reality ? Why do you want to tell him the problems they create.. he is anyway not going to listen isnt ?

Instead, why dont you withdraw yourself from them ? Stop talking or do the minimum talks. Do not bother to listen to what they are talking to hubby or about you even. Let them blabber. By you wondering and looking for justice or understanding, your hubby isnt going to shower you with it. So, just ignore them as someone who doesnt deserve your attention, time and energy.

Never talk anything I-repeat anything about your inlaws or SIL to your husband. When he talks, listen if you want to, or if you feel, their words / thoughts would agitate you, just say Hmm and move away from there. The less or no talk you have, the less they have anything to say about you, so our stress level comes down there.

Now, if you say, your hubby is going to complain or your inlaws are going to do the same even if you dont talk to them, then they are all a bunch of fools. Ignore them again. Laugh at your hubby when he talks about any complaints from your inlaws, saying, probably they would crib even if you were born dumb ! Just exit the place then.

Expecting your hubby to love the fact that you are pregnant is emotional according to me. He was against the idea in the first place and he was talked over it. He sounds like a weak minded guy, he first said NO when his SIL spoke, then says YES when his friend spoke. He doesnt seem to think with his own head.

Why did you think he would change when you have a baby.. ?? Havent we heard women writing " My hubby is a very good person and an amazing father " but, what happened to the " husband " part ?? Just because he is an amazing father, wouldn really make him a romantic husband. Got it ?
Now, do you feel as far as he is happy that he is having a baby and is a good dad, you are content.. ? You will bite the grunt of being unhappy " for the sake of your baby " ??? Wrong notion.

A baby needs to come into a family when he / she are well accepted.. Like in a married relationship. Not when one among the parent is not ready yet.

I write all this not to make you wonder why you got pregnant.. I write all this, so that you know the importance of what you going through. You love your baby and continue so. See, what you can do to secure his / her upbringing.

I wouldnt advice you to do strenous exercise and lose the extra weight to look appealing to your husband.. Do it, if you wish to. Do it, if you feel you love to lose them and look trim ! Do not do anything extra to please anyone, the more you do it that way, it will simply dissapoint you, if it doesnt work. Instead, do it for self and dont even bother about what others feel.

Comment on him once in a while that he is fat enough to look like those girls' ( whom he looks at ) father ! Not that you should do a tit for tat, just that, you will feel a lott lighter when he is reminded of his physique. This, if he is commenting on you only. Else, dont go overboard. :crazy

Slowly, set things right between you and husband by ignoring what is not worth it and just bother about what is very important.

Set the loans right first.
Stop talking about / to his parents and sister.
Keep the talks to minimum else.
Do not allow anyone to talk about you.
Buy what you wish to and for the baby whenever you can, do not get frustrated when he buys something for his parents. He wont understand why you shouldnt compromise.. so leave it.

Do not compare yourself with the other women, he looks at. No one loves him or even looks at him like the way you do, isnt ? So, why compare ? He can only look at them, no one unfortunately would look fondly at him.. So, do not feel low and tiny..

Lastly, Dont force him to love his child.. He will if he wants to.

 

Be diplomatic girl :coffee... if your DH is smart enough to understand his sister is being fake, you could avoid being fake yourself. Since that is not the case, if your SIL 'acts' sweet, just roll your eyes in your mind, return a fake sweetness and move on.