Don't know what to do...

Wow, that is one earful. Glad, that you both go at lengths to explain each others position and that is better than being curt and misunderstood! We both too and it works well

Looks like your hubby has his opinions very much chalked out and it is good that he has a level head. So far as you both gel well and you are comfortable with his decisions that should not be a problem.

Let him know that listening to others opinions is way different than accepting them or applying in ones own life. I think, most folks here are intelligent enough to not blindly equate their own situation with others and use their wisdom to see if something is applicable to them too. And more often than not people come here to validate their perspective rather than looking for solutions. Sometimes there may not be a solution to someones problem, but still I am sure that he/she will end up listening to others opinions and realize where he/she stands with respect to others. It gives a perspective not necessarily a solution. And if not for anything, you know sharing happiness increase it and sharing sorrow lessens it.

 

Update:

As most of you must be knowing, I have my own reasons for cutting off contact with my in laws (story here) and stopped talking with them for few years.

One evening, two days back, I found my wife talking to her mother on phone. Just before she was about to disconnect, I asked her to give the phone to me, she was shocked and confused and reminded me in muted tone that she is talking to her mother. I took the phone from her hand and suddenly started asking my MIL how is she doing and all. My wife was all the while stunned and didn't know how to react! My MIL said that she is happy that we both are settled together and living under one roof and I told her the same that we both are very happy to be together after so long time. All in all the conversation lasted for few minutes. After the call, my wife was very happy and hugged me tight. No talks and explanations whatsoever. She did not ask me the reason why and I did not tell her either. It was implicitly understood, that my intention was not to hurt her and her parents and it was just I did whatever I felt was right at that time.

I don't know myself why I did this all of a sudden. All this while I am also having thoughts of futility of keeping hurt forever and always yearned for a healthy relationship with my in-laws. Now that my in-laws are no more interfering in our affairs, I thought, it would be fair on my part if I put an end to this "no talking" thing. What mattered to me most in all this is, that this made my wife very happy and it took so little from my side! Yes, it took so little from me after all and I don't think I did anything so great to make her and her family feel so happy about this. Moreover, I am still cautious, not to overdo anywhere and let my guards fully down! If not for anything, I feel, it is a little change for better in our own relationship.

Yesterday, I also talked with her father, who too was so excited that I started talking with him again. :thumbsup

 

Aruna, I forgot to acknowledge but you are right that IL played a big role in all this. Posts like your's and my opening my feelings here (you know we males don't want to share any of such things even with parents unlike you ladies!) really helped me to overcome my feelings of hurt and anger. Not that I was unreasonable in my anger but that after sometime negative feelings won't make sense to hang upon!

Thanks to you and all other IL folks for lending a listening ear and for your unbiased advise! :cheers

 

Hey ASG, glad to know that you and I think alike. Yes, I used to read beautiful stories by Varalotti Rangasamy in which he used to share about the close and endearing relationship that he shared with his in-laws and used to feel how much his wife should be feeling happy about him. I always used to compare our own relationships with what he used to relate in his stories and used to feel jealous and unhappy.

I regret cutting contact with my in-laws, because I always wanted them (and my wife) feel happy whenever they thought about me. For whatever reasons, during our initial days of marriage, there were a lot of misconceptions on their part regarding me and my family and they were too protective of their daughter. They thought that they need to set me right.

I didn't have had any hope that my relationship with them will ever improve. But you are right, my cutting off contacts with them and at the same time do whatever it takes to make me and my wife happy, did help in the long run. I am glad that today, I don't nurse any hatred towards them and that helped me to spontaneously call them out. Sometimes only bitter medicines work!

 

Ushie, I really prescribe your DH to read the forums here and especially stories from Varalotti sir. The stories really helped my own understanding of human relationships and ways to make myself and others around me happier.