Should I tell my DH?

For me it is plain nd simple...do not let your parents set foot into your home...Your mom did not do anything to protect you so how do you think she is going to protect ur child. U have been brave but at the same time i think u need to make a stand now. U have to tell them not to come and tell them why. U definitely need to tell ur dh.

I am surprised that u even asked this here! Do not become like ur mom who instead of protecting you kept quiet nd ignored your troubles. Do not feel bad with what i have written. It is for the best.

 

Sorry to hear about what you had to go through !!

regarding your q of whether your DH should know about your dad, wouldnt you want to know if god forbid your FIL had this issue? Wouldn't you want to protect your child from him then??
Agreed hes your parent, but he broke all trust & parental responsibility when he did what he did to you.
YOU DONT OWE HIM ANYTHING!! end of story!

The only reason you behave decently with him is to escape from the truth of what happened.. I am not blaming you here for that, because its how some people cope. i totally get it..

But now as a soon to be parent, you have your responsibility to your child.. you dont want to fail her/him right by putting the child at risk???

So try and chnage your parents plan.. dont let him come to your house for 6 mnths!1 that crazy when you yourself have styaed there a max of 1 week from the time you got out of that house!!

About telling your DH & what the outcome would be.. its pretty obvious right ? he would def want to cut ties from him.. and i think for the mental peace of you both about the safety of your future children, thats the best option!!

its going to be difficult for you, but do what is right for you as a parent! think of yourself in DH's shoes & act accordingly...
Tk care!!

 

Sorry to hear your story,dear!

Your dad should not stay with the kid alone.Period.If you can manage that it is well and good else just do not allow your dad to come to your house.

About telling to your hubby , I would say a big NO.

• He will cut ties with your parents.
• In future(god forbid) if he commits any mistake he will say "as if your family is great".Aand the thing which you and your hubby know , will be known by every relative of yours.
• At every fight , you might have to hear "your dad" thing definitely.
• All this lovely-dovely husband's actual face will be revealed only after few years.
• In our society , as you already know , the victim is the one who will be treated like "sinner" and will be made to feel miserable.

Just forget this and move on.But take care of your kid!Do not repeat the mistake which your mom did.

 

What has happened to you is abuse - both sexual and psychological. It is very distressing and the trauma lasts long. You seemed to have done very well till date not only for yourself but to your husband as well.

Coming to the issue: You are pregnant. You are afraid that your dad will abuse your child. From his history, it doesnot appear that he is an infantophile. So rest be assured. But the greater risk is yourself.He knows that you have been quite all these years and he will be confident that you will remain so in the future as well. He will try to walk all over you again. So you take care and prevent his entry to your house in any foreseable future.

The bigger aspect is, if he has abused you, then he could have also abused, your siblings, cousins or neighbour's kids or women at risk in his vicinity. So potentially he is a risk to your neighbour's kids or other women. Is he still abusing in india? How do you protect others? So the best way forward is talk to your mother and let her know about the abuse and if she is cooperative ask her to confront your father and let her take necessary actions.. If she is bent of your father also travelling, then tell your DH. If he is cooperative, lodge a police compliant against your father and take legal course - you are doing this not to punish your father but to protect others at risk.

 

Laks09 has offered fantastic advice - and right on the money.
Just follow that suggestion.

 

Looking 4advice..

I do not have time right now to explaine but my advice is NOT TO TELL UR DH about it ...you have managed to handle the worest of the worest case so i am sure that you will be able to handle this too .....but I feel you need to tell ur dad when the two of you are alone that he should be ashamed of himself and that you are not telling anyone just because he is ur father otherwise he should know that only a devil will do such a thing but this time and in ur house he better keep his hands of oRRRRRRRRRR ....

 

post deleted

 

You have answered your question yourself. Yes, you simply must tell your husband. He deserves to know when a person who is so close to you (your father) can violate basic sense of trust.
It doesn't look like you are looking at getting them to cancel their trip, after reading your earlier posts. In that case, it becomes even more necessary for your husband to know the truth. Why leave anything to chance?
You and your daughter's safety is #1 priority. Period.

 

Bhuvindi has written it perfectly.

Its a man thing that they cant tolerate some one who has done such thing to their wife, any husband cant see such a person close to them ever again and a nasty scene would be created. Here the problem does not end telling to DH but another big set of problem starts. Be sure if you tell your DH now then your DH will cancel your parents trip. Life would not be the same any time after that for you.

Safeguarding your DD is your intention so cancel the trip of your parents yourself. I hope you are taking time in reading throught all the replies.

Become firm enough before things go beyond your hands and you might not be able to cancel your parents visit.

the answer is NO as per me. As bhuvindi said "the victim is the one who will be treated like "sinner" and will be made to feel miserable."

Facing taunts from DH reminding of something that one wants to forget is miserable than what one had gone though during childhood.