Could we get some help down here PLEASE? Hello...?

meenasankaran · Jun 26, 2010

Today I am pondering about ways to meet God.

Before you trip over your keyboard looking to bolt out of this place, let me tell you quickly that this is not the beginning of a long philosophical discussion. In fact I have as much chance of saying something intelligent about philosophy as I have about Science. Shameful but true.

My husband once bought a book called ‘Self Unfoldment’ and urged me to use it to start my spiritual journey. I got lost within the first 100 yards of my journey and ended up tucking the book safe behind my dozen recipe books in the Kitchen. I showed it with pride to a friend the other day as the only book in my cabinet that has no finger smudges or rips or pencil marks.

I have a couple of questions that I want to ask God. How do I find Him first? If I stand on one leg and meditate, will he show himself to me? Considering the success that the sages from Indian mythology had with this method, it might be my best bet. In that case, I better make a quick stop at a local drugstore to pick up some Bengay first. You see, I get cramps in my legs if I stand too long on two legs. Imagine my problems if I stand on just one leg!

On the other hand, it might be smarter to simply text God. “OMG, SH.YS. HV FW QK QSTS 4 U” should do it. If you can’t read it as ‘Oh my God, show yourself as I have a few quick questions for you’, consider yourself a little behind current times, my friend.

Okay, okay…...before you go scratching the wall, here are my questions to the Almighty.

If the purpose of my existence on this Universe is to wash dirty dishes, do laundry, tie shoelaces and drive my kids around town:

1. What was the big idea giving me only one pair of hands?
2. Where is my superpower – the ability to beam in and out of places? (Now you see me, now you don’t)

At the risk of inviting a fierce black bolt of lightning to strike me, I will have to say this. Big flaw in your design, my Lord!

Your design specification list for a Mom should have started out with 3 pairs of hands to effectively multitask - the first pair on the shoulders {as in the existing design} to wash dishes, the second pair on the waist to fold and iron clothes and the third pair on the ankles to help tie shoe laces for kids. Considering the fact that we also cook, shop, network and volunteer to sell popcorn for the PTA, we could ideally use a couple more pairs of hands but hey, I will settle for 3 if you can manage it.

When we were watching Star Trek the other day and Jim and Spock pressed a button on their shoulders and said ‘Beam me out Scotty’, I almost jumped out of my skin with excitement. Here is the solution to one of my problems. Here is how I can avoid entailing my estate to the County. Here is how I can pick up both my kids at 5.00 pm sharp from their swimming and tennis lessons respectively from the opposite ends of town without accumulating a dozen speeding tickets in the process. In the next few days I risked alienating my children by pressing an imaginary button on my shoulder often and declaring ‘Beam me out God’. Guess you weren’t listening.

As a time-starved Mom who is forever on the verge of a breakdown trying to be at 2 places at the same time (thereby breaking all known traffic laws of the State), I probably speak for all moms when I say ‘GIVE ME THAT’.

If you are listening up there, could we get some help down here PLEASE? Hello…..?

Vidya21 · Jun 26, 2010

Meena, Nice! Loved the writing!

knot2share · Jun 26, 2010

I think GOD is behind current times too. HE is still trying to decipher that message you had sent him . Enjoyed the write-up Meena :thumbsup Good one! I am sure all the mums can relate with you and hats off to all of you because only a Mother can!

But you know what, GOD has certainly heard the pain in your cry. A couple of years ago there were talks of some Physicists/Scientists who have been able to transport one atom or a group of atoms (I am not sure here exactly) from one place to the other. It is an exciting development and hopefully with new technological advancements happening every other day, this should be something that we humans will actually be able to use daily. Now can you imagine the innumerable "other" things one will be able to do with this facility!!
Sky is the limit.

Arunarc · Jun 26, 2010

Dear Meena
Did Jim and Spock inspired you to write this article Superb one.

Especially in the morning when you have hurry up with so many things and packing the brats out of the house I think all ladies think that they had an extra pair of hands:biglaugh:biglaughBut you have come up with 3 pairs, up middle and bottom....hehehehe
Hope God will listen to our prayer and fix some sort of button on us too:hide: so that with fraction of a second we too can do some magic...:crazy

kAlyaniShAnti · Jun 26, 2010

Dear Meena,
Enjoyable reading!

But Dear, do not pray for those additional pairs of limbs alone, Deary! Do not forget to ask for additional brain power for more efficient and optimal multitasking to use those limbs effectively. Otherwise, those pairs of hands are going to be more painful than being useful!!! :biglaugh:biglaugh

And also Dear, more limbs means more bones and muscle to get ache and pain in the older age! And u need to devote more time for manicure and stuff, Dear!!! :drowning:drowning:spin:spin Watch out your diet also for that extra calcium to avoid osteoporosis at old age:bonk:bonk

Nothing comes free in God's this beautiful and thoughtfully created world!!:hide:

I need to run away from you now Harhar

Cheeniya · Jun 26, 2010

Dear Meena

There was a young lady named Kite
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She left home one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

I remembered this limerick when I read your wonderful thread. I certainly empathize with your appeal for two more pairs of hands knowing how maddeningly busy young moms can be at times. But your stipulation of where the additional hands should be placed may in reality turn out to be a restrictive clause. Besides making you look like an octopus with two legs amputated or a whole new breed of hexapus, the additional pairs may end up having a jolly good time with merely tying up your kids’ shoelaces or folding clothes which are not daylong jobs. This situation is bound to cause a lot of heartburn to the original pair of hands.

Talking of multitasking, it is essentially a feminine trait. We hardly come across multitasking men unless they embark on an ambitious programme of multi-matrimony! I guess that even among our Gods, this situation prevails as evidenced by the fact that male gods invariably have just two hands while their female counterparts have them in multiples of ten! In fact if you address your plea to a multihanded Devi, it is likely to find instant response but as a man who has done some intense study of multihanded gods, I would urge you to revise your request to have all of them hanging from your shoulders instead of from various locations of your body. Hanging from the shoulders, they’ll all be like Siamese twins and whoever has heard of sibling rivalry between Siamese twins? But if they get placed at different locations, they’ll have great sibling rivalry and may cause you more problems than you face with just two hands!
Sri

meenasankaran · Jun 26, 2010

Thank you Vidya.

meenasankaran · Jun 26, 2010

Welcome knot2share!

"But you know what, GOD has certainly heard the pain in your cry. A couple of years ago there were talks of some Physicists/Scientists who have been able to transport one atom or a group of atoms (I am not sure here exactly) from one place to the other."

From your fingers (mouth doesn't sound right, does it??) to God's ears, my friend. It's about time earthling moms get some help from above.

I am all ready to be 'beamed' out.

meenasankaran · Jun 26, 2010

Dear Aruna,

Thank you.

"Did Jim and Spock inspired you to write this article"

Yep. Wouldn't that be a cool gift for all moms?

May be if all of us unite and sign a petition, God might just give us that magic button. Sigh.....

meenasankaran · Jun 26, 2010

Kalyani,

Where did you go hide now? :hide:

Thanks to your graphic description of what could go wrong with 3 pairs of hands, I am spooked now. U happy?

Osteoporosis??!! Come on, that is low! Now I have to squeeze my poor little brain for an alternative solution to this problem. (Big sigh.....)