Wanting to have a friendly relationship with cosis

hmmm... this is an interesting situation. So you say that you guys used to talk frequently and now you feel like she is avoiding you?

You also mention that you were super excited about having a relationship with a cosister and therefore made a lot of effort to become close friends with her.

perhaps those two things above added up felt too much too soon for your cosis? maybe in your eagerness to become best friends with her, you tried too hard or tried to become too familiar too soon? for some people, friendships needs to be an organic process that grows overtime and eventhough your intentions were honest - It sounds like in your excitement you've made her feel too pressured.

Of course, none of us reading your post would know the nature of the conversations or her perspective so it's a little hard to be objective.

1 -What types of things did you talk about on the phone? (maybe something put her off)
2- How often did you talk? (maybe it was too frequent for the other person)
3- Were you the one to initiate the phone calls or did she also initiate?

Reflect on these things and let us know.

I do want to add another thing here - you have called her attitude/behavior 'acting smart' - just be sure you are not jumping to any conclusions here or are not speaking out of hurt because she isn't responding the way you had hoped. Is it necessary to label her as someone with an attitude at this point? Ponder and let us know!

 

Hi Maroon,
Sorry that you are facing such situation. If i were you, I would sublty ask the co-sister within a conversation, say if you can tell she is trying to cut you short, if you have said anything to upset her. May be that will break the ice.
If she feels that some thing was said,(you don't sound like you would say anything out of place) just apolgize and move forward.

Hope you get it resolved and have a nice fulfilling relationship.

Thanks,
OOPALL!

 

Sorry I did not read the other answers. I can't suggest anything But I can tell you my experience.

My MIL and SIL do that occasionally, esp my MIL, even when we are in good terms with no recent sparks. And I don't know why. Though they claim that they talk very less they do run their hobby horses to death at times. Sometimes, if I call to wish my MIl she might keep down the receiver after a mnt talk saying I need to go to the temple etc. So that hurts when you have been genuinely nice and the next time I feel like doing the same. So I have stopped making such phone calls and leave that to my DH.

I have also noticed that if I make a call asking for some info to my SIL she might give very inattentive and prematurely conclusive reply in a hurry to wind up the talk. Again, that is irritating.

I don't think there is a real explanation to all this, as my DH says. If it doesn't suit you, just don't do it. I don't see any need for making appologies or anything as it might put any ideas in to people's head.

I have always wanted to establish good relations with my SIL as there haven't been any problems between us and I am mostly confy with her. (Touch wood) But she jumps like here n there giving me an impression that she want to be in a safe zone not being dangerously close to me. SO far, I have left it at that. I can't map how her brain works.

So I think you can relax about it!

 

Now, I am insulted not to find my name in the list. So no advise for you!!

 

IndainDad, you come in the many other's category so still in the list :thumbsup

 

It could be that you are over analyzing cuz you wanted so much from this friendship with co-sis; to be the best friend and reading into every little thing. Yes you can do your share and call her once in awhile but dont over analyze. You might even ask next time you call her if something is bothering her cause she sounds distant or in a hurry lately. You and her at different phases of your life..she a newly wed and you with a 10yr old so that in itself starts a barrier. I found that when I got married both my sil and co sis had 2 kids each and I had nothing in common with them and I could only do the small talk for a short time, Since I never lived with them or the same town, or even knew the same circle of people, I used to pass on the phone to my dh quickly.
If it makes you feel better I also never had a best friend and it always used to bother me. But now I am ok with having good friends. I have learned to do things for others without expecting anything back. No point feeling bad for not doing something for someone AND also feeling bad cuz nobody reciprocates. I figure someday someone will show that kindness to me, might not be same one I helped and that has turned out to be true.

 

Quit worrying. I dont think you did anything wrong. You were being good to her and treated her as your friend. But, you must remember that the age gap between you and your co-sis is 10 years. There can be any number of reasons for her not being as available as before. she might be setting up her new home, or made new friends (more her age group) etc

Sorry to hear about your bad luck with friendships. But I think the term "best friend" is mostly for high school or college. Relatives doubling up as friends is highly improbable.

 

How about thinking that might be she was not ina mood to talk on that day! if she is repeating hte same behaviour again n again at every instance you call her then it might be worth thinking of whether to even call her or establish a contact or not.

Somedays are sooo busy for me the phone keeps ringing on n on. Seems like everyone decided to call on that day. so what do I do?Out of courtesy I take everyones call, if its my best friends whom I talk to every other day, I woudl tell them I got another call or that someone is at the door or make some bahaana and tell them that I will call back (I can tell them i am tired, but again theyw ould worry what is it abo ut and am I doing ok? do I need any help etc so just to cut short the conversation I would make some excuse and escape. However the next day I would call and talk tothem and make it up

So can we think you co-sis is also doing this?? or do you really think she was trying to act smart?
Also there is almost 10yrs of age gap, so the way they handle things is a bit diff. than the way we handle things. Yes I see this in my younger cousin who is 13yr younger to me she is smart and will openly say things at the same time she wont sound rude (thats the smartness) however i see it as a good thing and I learnt couple of things from her on how to say NO or give excuses :crazy

You seem like a sensitive girl..so dont take all this to heart. Just stop calling your co-sis for couple of days or reduce the no. of calls to her and she would come around. Also one more thing, Lets be good for the sake of being good yaar...i mean we have to be nice to others because we are good people and we meant well about others..now what they think about us or how they behave us doesnt matter as long as its nto getting really nasty.

Why loose on a co-sis? whenever you want to talk just call her and see if she is in a mood to talk if not..tahts ok move on..call your friends. what if she comes around after couple of months and she makes those calls to talk to you....So dont analyze these things too much...not worth your timeRemember what you give is what you get..if not your co-sis who knows you may find some other good friend!! so be positive and do good sweetie!

 

Hi,

Dont think too much about this and come to conclusions...May be she really had some work or she wasnt well enough to talk to you or there might have been some reason...You cannot really expect ur co-sis to be ur best friend right? May be you are overdoing ur calls and other stuff...Leave her alone for a few days..Also she is 10 years younger to you so u cannot expect her to be in the same frequency as u r...

U have a very nice friendly relationship and let it be so...Reduce ur no. of calls and see whether she is calling u once a while...If not, u just give her a call once in a while to keep in touch...

Even my eldest co-sis in the family is about 7 years older to us all and has 2 kids...So we dont have a very close relationship with her but we are in contact once in a while and we do go out occasionally and have fun...So do not bother ur self much and try to be cordial...some times being tooo eager to be friendly can throw ppl away from you...