Suggestions

Leave BOTH PARENTS aside.. MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS !

Once you are married, it is always about the 2 of you. If he wants to be with you, he is genuine and being honest !

Do not give decision making to your inlaws or your parents. You both married as adults and not as children, isnt ?

When your marriage looks 60% happy from being 0% happy, do you want to jeorpardise it ? Dont do that. If you could make it happen to 60%.. it is not too long that you get it to 99% !!

Dont lose hope.. Stand up for yourself when he tortures you about ANYTHING ! I repeat- anything ! Tell him enough is enough. He needs to grow up and stop talking nonsense about what he ' assumed ' before marriage and feels cheated. He is being silly. Being an educated guy himself, he needs to do his homework before getting married to a bank employee ! Period, If he didnt, it is HIS fault and not yours !

Do some odd jobs here.. since you have banking eperience from India.. see what courses will help you here to do something on the same lines .. Things will work out soon.. do not get upset and be as cheerful as possible !

You say, your hubby is a kiddo.. treat him like one and snub when he throws unnecessary tantrums .. Tell him , when he means LIVING TOGETER in marriage, it means, you need to LIVE AS HUSBAND AND WIFE !
Intimacy included .. Period. No begging and crying from your side for intimacy.. It is nonsense. You both will live according to each others' personality. Not just you and he brims in glory !

Another thing, it was very wrong on both your parents' to have stpped you from joining your husband when he got a project abroad. How could they ? WHy did they get you both married then ? TO live here and there ?
For the sake of both of you, keep parents' decisions as suggestions only. DO not let interferenaces get too too much that, it ruins your own thinking ! WHoever, it may come from.

Take care

 

Does he get 'partially' close to you - he himself initiating or do you initiate most of the times? (Kissing, hugging, cuddling) etc.
Or does he totally just treat you like friend without any touch-contact?

Do you know if he has any medical condition that may be hindering him?

 

Girl, ( dont want to address you with your username.. )

When I say, keep yours and his parents out of decision making.. doesnt mean, cut ties or be insensitive to them..

It a'int true that when there is undue interferance only then we need to keep decision making to ourselves.. It is always better to keep it to ourselves..

As i said earlier, you need to be stern around this time.. He cannot use the divorce word so loosely ! If he did, you could take it seriously. Period.

You must ask yourself, what you want ? Let us say, you leave now to get back to the nice career that is awaiting you, you know quite well your marriage will be in jeorpardy.. No parents can help then, Girl ! Everyone can talk, talk and talk but what happens will be brunt by you and your husband. Can you handle the 60 % happiness in your marriage disappearing as well ? If yes, and you are done with all trials in your relationship, then go ahead and follow your mind and heart !

But, if you are going back just to escape from this tantrum and mess and assume, that over time hubby will miss you and come behind runnin, then you must also digest the fact that is it a risk. Hope you understand what I say.

You cannot live as a DIL forever ( however much you like his parents ) and not be a wife.. Dont mess it up.

If the next time, he tells you are more to lust than love, ask him to define love ! Say, just because he feels you are no love and full of lust, you cannot change !! He must be glad that you still desire for him after his attitude of turning you down.

Now, he cannot play the fool with your emotions.. Do not get scared when you talk to him ! Marriage is about intimacy as well. He doesnt understand it, then it is his problem. You need to know wether he will get any intimate to you at all ? If his answer is NO.. then tell him.. you have other plans. You will mostly go back and can live a long distance relationship rather than be in with him perosnally and listen to all his silly thoughts !

You have been listening all this while and now CAN HE ?

You need to move on else..

See, when I say, all this, it should be a talk between mature adults ie., you and your hubby. Taking support from parents and siblings or inlaws is all good. But, the decision needs to be yours.

Take a risk, go back.. live a peaceful life for a while and make a calm decision keeping in mind your hubby's behaviour. If he tells you to divorce him before leaving, say, everything is not UPTO him ! You will decide wether you need to divorce him or not. You will get back.

For this long he has been seeing the meek you and not breaking his attitude.. Take a U-turn and show him, you can get weird too !

Sometimes it works.. I pray it does for you !

Take care..

 

It looks he is emotionally dependent on you, when you say he is introvert, so it wont be easy seperating either.

Sexually, something is not right, a Man needs it , it has to come from somewhere, he cannot say he is not interested in kids , he committed you, and he has to see your interest too, he treats you like slave it seems. you taking a job would be saying good bye to marriage, but going to native you have to see if its worth, also he wont change until you keep living with him, that also is true, because he would feel you have no way to go, your going can trigger a wake up call too, you say he has changed 60% that means he is capable of changing and realising.. But how are you going to get sexual satisfaction is still a big question , minus which your life will never be normal with him come what may..

 

Perfectly said, one has to be prepared of consequences and then do take such steps, one has to say, I am doing this and am prepared for what happens, worst is if both say that thing, then there is no scope of reconciliation and relation will end....When one person keeps asking divorce the intention may be to instill fear or to bring change in behavior but the same person needs to be prepared that if the other party accepts and says yes I am willing for divorce then the person proposing should not get bounched back.

 

Dear

Do you and your husband had ever spoke about what are your goals and interests in life? do you both know what do you want out of this marriage? where do you both see each other down the line?

I disagree if someone says yes husband is like a kid:bonk, we have to train him or persuade him to learn etc..etc..Everyone is an adult when they get married, moreover atleast a man should know what they want to do in marriage i.e do they want to have kids, settle down in life, where in India / US? plan for retirement? taking care of assets etc...In your case your husband doesnt like it if you work or earn money, he made you quit your job, but when it comes to him accepting his responsibility towards his wife and marriage, he acts irresponsible and starts behaivng like a kid this doesnt sound like a good situation at all...

I understand its a tricky situation for you:hide:..if you run away from all this messy situation and go n work in India he may not come back or be intouch with you persuading you to be back in marriage...so did you think of separation? will you be willing to separate then?

why do you want to live in a marriage:spin where the husband doesnt respect his wife and doesnt even know the value of marriage or a companion? he doesnt want the same things as you do...

Its going to be truly surprising...if he comes around...and yes its going to be a happy ending...

However I would also ask you to think :ideaabout what are the things you want in marriage? where do you see yourself down the line? what are your plans for your life? once you figure out these....sit with your husband ask him the same questions...is he having any clue or plan as to what he wants to do with his life?? when does he want kids? where does he want to settle down? India/US? does he ever let you work? would he support you if you want to work in US? what if you guys have to move back to India would he be interested in you working? List your questions, just discuss one at a time...and see what are his responses...

Remember every married couple should have atleast some outline plan on their future...We may not list the date and time..but atleast we should know where we stand now and where we want to go..or else if he is clueless on all this, he wouldnt know why he got married in first place and these fights keep lingering around all the time and there is some struggle for power...which is unknown...

My suggestion would be know what you want? see whether he is on the same page as yours or atleast interested in your ideas / thoughts or if he has a plan for himself and his future and does he see you both in his future plans...this would talk alot about where is your marriage heading.

 

I have seen exactly exactly exactly similar situation like urs in one of my friend's life. Look I have a view that if a girl has some intimacy problem then no man on earth wud accept her...and after bearing the problem for a little time...he will start reacting. ..so why not same be with a woman....we also have desires..and specially sex is also an undeniable part of married life. I would suggest u to sit one day and finally ask ur husband one more and final time that what is the problem here...why can't we have a normal married life ?? why are we not intimate?? and be soft while asking...so that he doesn't get reason to fly away the question in a quarrel. And ask him if u really love me then tell me the problem..after all I am ur wife and if there is a medical problem then we'll find some doctor to help us out...but atleast tell me. Because u know this is a problem which u cannot bear all ur life and the more years are passing the more years of ur life u will be wasting. And finally if again he doesn't tell u the problem then I would suggest u to take the matter to parental level. My friend's husband did the same and he didn't accept his medical problem till last moment as he had a huge ego.