Unreasonable DILs

My Sil is also just like ASG's and chocolate's.
Both my sil and mil bully her inlaws and mil talks so sweetly to sil's husband that he is bowled over. sil's mil is widow and now she openly commands her mil not to wear bindhi or silk saree which i felt sooo bad. how can they be so mean and stone hearted.

As Chitvish commented "how good a name I got from my in-laws, reflected on how well she had brought me up." thats what my mom used to say. she always told that i need to learn cooking. houseworks etc etc before marriage.
But now i feel that the more better u do work/cooking etc the more problems with mil.
they compare it with sil and feel jealous and insecure and try to put you down the more.
Nonbully and non bully combination works very rarely i think.In many cases i have seen if mil and sil get along good then the hubby would be the bully kind. i think thats how god plans things?

Priya.

 

Ladies I felt you were all re-telling the story of my brother's life. His first wife was a night-mare, zero at being a wife, daughter-in-law or sister-in-law. her and her family came first, every one else was a distant last.

some things they did (they being her and her parents)

haggled my widowed mother to present her with this and that jewelry at the wedding

refused to pay their share of the wedding costs

insulted my mom left, right and center at the wedding

insisted my mother go and find a place of her own bec. she was a widow and insisted that my brother move in with her parents!

wanted my brother to pay for her brother's mba

did not want my brother to financially support my widowed mother

did not want my brother to have any contact with his side of the family and would throw a tantrum every time he did

physically and mentally abused my brother to the extent that he went into a depression

why did my brother put up with this? he fell for her hard and could not see anything that was being done. married her against our wishes and was scared that if he complained we would say "we told you so". it took my mom 6 months to convince him to leave her. it took 20k alimony to get her to sign on the divorce papers. but finally he was a free man, he found a lovely girl to marry 4 months after the divorce was final (she was a divorcee too) and now is happier than he ever has been.

oh did I mention that wife # 1 and her mother also indulged in black magic? after she left the house, my mom found all the signs of black magic in the house - lemon wrapped in black and red cloths under the bed and in my brother's clothes, papers with wierd mantras hidden in the closet etc etc etc

 

Dearest Malyatha

Firstly:hatsoff for starting this lovely thread. Many of the young girls of today, even during their marriage, get into the hubby's family with a preconceived notion, that all MIL's are to be kept at an arm's distance. They really don't understand that their dh is a product of that MIL. They want the hubby alone and never the mother or the familytsk. I wish the parents of those Girls atleast teach their daughter the reality of life. In many cases, where the couple happen to live in US, UK or Middle East, it is possible for the girls to spend and take her parents to her place (mostly at the cost of their husbands) and when its his parents, so many matters (Like their health, work) are discussed as a reason for not taking themWitsend. (They used to say in tamil oru kannula sunnabu and oru kannula vennai). I am still a DIL and I have been in joint family for 25 years now. I love my MIL and FIL (my FIL passed away before 2 years, which is a very great loss to me) and my Sisters in Law. They are such lovely and understanding peopleclap. I am proud to say this and I love them so much. I wish that all the girls realise that if they initially, shower love on the family of the hubby, they would easily win a place in that family and after sometime, the girl would be considered important that the son himself:thumbsup.

luv
rathisrini

 

Pmahensa,
People who do black magic to spoil other's life , will get it back. (the person who sows the seed will reap the benefits)
my aunt (mom's brother's wife) did all black magic in the house and my uncle would just nod for everything and my grandpa bought all properties in my aunt's name and all the siblings (mom and her sisters) suffered a lot and didn't want a penny and came out, but now for my aunt her son died at 30 yrs, uncle died and she was not able to livein that house and died due to depression. rumours are some one else did black magic for them.
we are all scared to go there to their house, i feel bad for aunt's kids becos they all suffered due to my aunt's deeds.my aunt was one of those monsterous dil who got super monsterous dils ,LOL!

 

one of my sil had normal relationship with her mil, (her hubby is only kid) since her mil was a great cook, took care of grand kids, will never allow sil to do much work since she didnt have any daughter. later everything changed when her mil fell ill. Her mil had cancer in uterus which later spreaded to entire body, was in bed for more than 5 months. sil threw tandrums, made her mil moved to orphanage, due to depression her mil refused food and died after a week of moving there. we all came to know everything only after her death. worst dil in the world

 

That's good to know. My mom says no matter what we should not wish anyone bad. But I wish what you says comes true. Ex-SIL and her family are the most horrible people in the world and I would love to see them suffer.

 

There are unreasonable people in every role (parents, inlaws, children, employees, employers....). Some people are bitter and will spread the bitterness around. People around them have to either put up or get out if they can. There are extreme cases of crazy people dils doing black magic (someone mentioned that on this thread) and mils harrassing dils physically and verbally. These are crazy people and not nevessarily the average mil-dil.

At the core, there is a fight for territory (the son), the mother having birthed and raised her son finds it hard to accept that there is a woman who has charmed her way into her sons heart with relatively lesser effort and wants to claim the territory. Men are unable to step in and level set expectations from both sides to maintain a civil relationship within a family. The give status quo status to mother or wife or completely zone out. The guy knows his family so he should be able to see how the alliance fits into the dynamic --if he wants his wife to fit in.

A lot of dils get married with good intentions and in laws also do not want to harrass them. In such cases also misundertandings arise because of the expectations from either side and the maturity of the people involved. For example, if the mother in law of a working woman expects her to cook for her and her husband twice a day while they do nothing, they are being insensitive to the physical limitations of the daughter in law. On the same note, if the daughter in law expects that the son cut all ties with his parents after the marriage, that is unreasonable. So it all depends on the maturity of the people involved. We may be able to excuse some quirks in our own parents but the same in our in-laws may become glaring defects that we are unable to deal with. Women of this generation might find it difficult to buy into the subservient role model that has been foisted on generations of women.

It is a reasonable expectation from aged parents that their children be close by for emergency situations. We owe it to them for having raised us. At the same time is is also reasonable to expect that parents give their children space to make their own home and not run and live their lives for them. Let them make their mistakes and learn from them.
:cheers

 

hi malyatha.hope u remember me.u gave me a nice reply.i liked ur post .it was v useful for new dil 's like me .i always dreamt of having a good relationship with my inlaws and sil.and i have too.touch wood.but its my mind sometimes starts thinking all crap.u know idle mans mind is devils workshop.iam on h4 .so i dont have any work to do.so i started reading this blog and i felt happy and i really learnt (or hope so) to be more matured.earlier i used to write dairy whenever i felt sad.it was a bit relief but when i shared my thoughts here ,its not only a relief but also there r people to tell if u r wrong or correct .this gives a scope to correct ourselves.

i never shared all those small and silly misunderstandings with my mil with anybody.so my mind was filled with all those crap and sometimes i used to show it off on my husband and repent later.but my dh is vgud so he understands it when i feel sorry.but i strongly feel and want to avoid this.coz i was not this kind of person.but may be here i was frustated over many things like career ,so sometimes iam showing off my anger or whatever.now i read this blog evry day nd learn something and share something.its really grt site for ladies.

thanks
bye

 

Tyrannical is being too kind to her. If at all any girl marries her son and any man marrying her daughter, shud run at first chance when hell breaks loose and she creates problems in their marriages. Which she will at the first chance she gets.That will be the wisest decision of their lives. In case stuck ,they shud stand up to her and teach her a lesson. I am the first in this generation to oppose her trying to run my life her way.This includes my husband,me,his brother and co sis.Until I told my husband he didnt feel his sister was a bully. I calmly explained all the situations she has nosed into his life with her sweet talk and had her way.He now understands how dangerous she can be if let loose.

 

I have been a silent reader of this website for months and finally registered.

Chitra mam, sorry that I was /some of us were not there when you started the thread to shield you against those ladies that almost pounced on you.

Since I am not an expert in this, I am going to just watch and enjoy the happennings in this thread.