I speak my mind a lot without thinking twice about who is hearing it.In sense,am Not rude or anything but I speak to everyone like am talking to my best friend.I have been warned about this by some well wishers. Even in my office..I started as a quiet person but as days passed by and I got comfortable I feel like I have started to be ME again.some men bluntly said that am actually naive and soft spoken.I am also being too nice and should be a little tough.They were teasing that I joined this office at the right time coz the girls who were there before me were very strong personalities and I would not last one day around them. I try to keep quiet and say the right things but sooner or latter people figure me out easily. How do I actually talk to outsiders,neighbors in general? After a while I realized I have been either taken for granted or advantage of. In some cases disregarded or disrespected. How do I handle myself outside so that I am not disrespected or taken advantage of? I think this thread might help many other soft spoken IL’s too..
@anika987 you spoke my mind voice. I was going to ask about this. Naanum ungala maadhiri thaan. ditto. I am going for an internship now. looks like i am the only one married with 2 kids, big ones too . others are all with just one kid, newly married or singles. first of all having to gel with these people becomes a problem. 98% indians that too. One of my family members told me not to tell everything about yourself to everyone. Always stick to your work and never voice your opinion even when others talk or ask , e.g like vambu. My sis told me if anyone talks about the company or about anyone just smile and remain neutral . if it goes non too much just smile and act as if you need to go to the bathroom. My actual work started on friday last week after spending almost 1 1/2 mths onboarding. There is this person i am shadowing at work. He also said the same thing. Do not get involved in any of the talks. Do what ever your boss says to get into her good books. No one is your friend here. They are all here to work and keep going so you do your job and go. I went to a different location where there were 3 indians and others were whites, blacks and asians. It wasn't that bad of polictics there. Here it is 98% indians and just too much politics. one person not liking the other etc. There is this one research coordinator who always keeps complaining of too much work she has to do. she is the first one to raise her voice. I can actually see now who I can actually believe and ask for help and who I cannot
You can be soft spoken, nice and also have stern boundaries and strict work ethics. You should practice key phrases at home while looking at the mirror. Be your soft spoken self but also enforce boundaries. For example; Make eye contact and say I’m working right now. Let’s shelf this discussion for later. And look away and actually get busy with your work. I doubt after a few instances of similarly chosen and practiced phrases, will anyone consider you naive. You can’t complete change but just try to be more assertive. You can do it!
Nice topic. I couldn't be called soft spoken by any measure but those nagging feelings of being taken for granted, taken advantage of, disregarded, disrespected come up now and then. The problem is sharing too much too soon or too often with new acquaintances or friends. I've found the simplest way to counter this is to just reduce how much I talk. Once in a while I make a resolution to talk less. For the duration that I follow it, I can feel the difference. This applies at home also, LOL. The other thing I try is this: if I look back on a conversation and feel I talked too much or was not taken seriously, disregarded, I think about it a little bit but I don't scold myself for it. I just make a mental note to avoid too much talk with that person in the future. I have accepted that talking more than I'd like to and sharing too much is part of my personality, and I am always going to be a work in progress regarding that.
There cannot be one particular way of talking could ever be right allways. The pitch, the tone, choice of words & key phrases to use are governed by many other factors that includes gender, age, status, environs such as office or a forum or seminar or nay or yeah response, time of the day or night. Here are few more tips to improve the way we talk: Make eye contact but do not stare , Breathe easily, Pace your words right, Manage your pitch, influx and tone, use proper body language, and observe that of other listener, listen actively, be sure of desired out put that you need at end of talk, take a break and allow your listener to respond, throw open ended questions to get listner involved, Do not be furious & angry, irritable or impatient with listener, avoid critical facial expressions and undesirable comments, avoid strong words such as - should , ought and don’t - and humorise a bit And Finally SMILE. Keep away Mobile. Practice varying tone, volume, rhythm and pitch of voice. Thanks & Regards.
I have always been taken for granted by my near dear ones. Not because I am soft spoken or I do not know how to communicate. It is because I do not know how to maintain a boundary with my near dear ones. I always have a weakness for my family, and consider everyone in the family as one. This is the problem. To answer your question, it is always important to maintain boundaries. Especially when it comes to outsiders. It is dangerous to consider a 3rd person as best friend. Being vulnerable before others, and sharing "everything" with a stranger very harmful. Your colleagues are just colleagues, they are not even friends...leave alone best friends. You can't discuss personal matters with colleagues. In your case you have recently started working; hence known them just for few months only. So, considering them like best friends shows how vulnerable you are before them. There could be some predators among them, and they could easily sense your vulnerability to target you down the line. Be sensible.
I dont think there is any right way of talking. As long as the person to whom i am talking to understands me without making me repeat or without misunderstanding me, i think i have spoken right. I am someone who is poor at connecting the dots and i cannot talk in riddles and puzzles, so not many like me. I cannot like something because a group of people like, most of the time i am alone and my choices are different, which gets me thinking, it is ok to be different. Love Nandu
How to talk right? hmm.. For me its as long as I am in control I am talking alright. But when anxiety is in control,there is no right to the talk .Fumble to tumble..anything can happen
