New Era Mothers In Law And Their Ultra Modern Dil

In general, when younger generation are hosted in older generation's house beyond 3-4 days , then it is good for the DIL& Son duty to take up most of the household chores to relieve the burden on the elderly.Should not behave like entitled guest with own family. If the guest is there for only 3-4 days and want to rest due to long hectic travels/ jet lag etc , then it is justified to avoid household chores like cooking/cleaning or waking up late . But not picking up one's own plate conveys some kind of entitled culture and not due to tiredness.Not picking up one's own plate is very bad manners, no matter who does it. Many times , they trained their son and the FIL to leave the plate for women . That culture has to change first.

That said, if your sister is fine with it- that might the the personal dynamic of the family, She may have her own reasons for being extra nice, maybe to compensate for something else in past or present or future . Each family is different. If they are all happy with each other, you should let the matter go- or else you might accidentally end up commenting something to them which will spoil their relations.

 

Ideally every child should learn to put their plates in the sink .
If they couldn't teach that to their son, they can't really call out the dil ...both are wrong and both should be called out.

Her not spending time to bond with your sis....may be that is to keep peace.

After the drama and unnecessary accusations last time,may be she has reasons to be formal and distant .

I feel your sis and family are on the back foot after what happened last time and hence are letting them a long rope.

What is t -shirt and shorts compared to their daughters conduct in US ?

Now that they know what daughters are capable of,may be they have become more tolerant to the ways of other peoples daughters.

Op....be happy that your nephew and his wife are in India so soon after the fiasco and are on such good terms.

Like last time ,there could be more to it than what is seen.

The dil came to stay with her inlaws....instead of going to her parents place.
She has every right to talk to her mom and family .
If she was there for a few hrs ...may be one can avoid using the mobile ...but if someone is there for days or week,how can one expect her to not be on phone.
Besides her mom and parents are far more dearer to her than her mil or her mils sister.Just because she is at inlaws,she cannot stop being a daughter,sister ,friend .

Besides which youngster today is not on the phone . Their life is run by the phone. They work ,bank , buy, sell , plan ,entertain on the phone. Why seperate rules for dil when our kids are doing the same ?

Sometimes being a little distant works better in the long term.

 

After the demise of my MIL, I have trained my hubby and daughter to wash their own plates and cups, even if we are guests in any house my daughter will never allow the host to touch her plate, and we never prolong our phone calls when we are with other people these are basic manners and expecting from others is not wrong after all

Regarding plates and cups.....if there is a maid to clean vessels ,I don't expect any one at home also to clean them . We just collect ( anyone can do that) and put in sink .
I would be mortified if some guest at my house tried to wash the plates and mugs. It would be extremely uncomfortable to me .

See....every family has different ways of living .

As for mobile use.....if someone is a guest for some hrs...one can expect to keep the phone away but if one has come to live for sometime,it is not practical to have such expectations and unreasonable to be offended.phone is not just for chit chat now.

 

Ofcourse not taking ones plates off after eating is not good. But who knows may be his mom wouldn’t have allowed to do it. And it also shows the over pampered nature.

But I really don’t understand why should you have a problem with your sisters DIL.
Looks like you have a issue for everything and whatever she does.
Hence she is not interacting much with you. Maybe she feels that you guys will throw tantrums for whatever she does.So she is having minimal interactions to avoid conflict.

And you have visited them only for a day so you may not know what’s happening during the remaining time.

Should she ask everyone’s permission to speak to her parents?

When your sister itself is fine and happily hosting them you should stay calm and not worry much.

 

@blessed I would like to share my personal story here
My mil was Lil nice sweet on my initial days of marriage.
My mil has 2 sisters who live in the same city would visit us every week.
My mil will sulk after her sisters visit. I never understood why?
Her sisters fueled my mil so much, mil started hating me.
Im the first DIL in the family, so I didn't know much.
Always kept quiet finally her sisters and mil formed a team. Started finding faults in every way possible.
1) whatever I cooked - said bad
2) whatever dress I had / I wore - they started commenting. (But thier own daughter will roam in kurti without leggings or salwar)
3) if I take my office calls - wrong
4) if I go out with dh - wrong , the look they gave me unforgettable
5) if I go out dh on dinner - every one will invite themselves. I had to pay heavy bills for 12-15 persons
6) whatever gifts my parents got - comments( they couldn't give 1/4 what my parents gave)
7) if I go to my friend's functions or wedding- wrong
8) basically whatever I did wrong - huge emotional dramas fight scene.
I never opened my mouth once. Because they will frame me.
Within a year of marriage they started insulting with no baby comments.
Believe me I concieved within 2 months of moving out and not seeing the demoness's faces
For heavensake we moved to different country.we are happy family now.

Now I have a hiBye relationship with her.
My MIL's sisters have thier own DILs and son-in-law, so they are like Rabbit in burrow. Mil after 5-6 yrs getting to know how much they influenced her. But she won't accept in front of me
MIL's sisters now treat mil as external person. Never allow to comment on thier family affairs.

Why I'm telling you a big story?
Because just go visit niece and Dil. They have come from far, from a place where hot jaleblis are luxury.
Removing plates is not okay.
Small things or who knows she treats n thinks mil as mom?
Wearing shorts wrong on Indian tropical climate? She was home. Thinks her home.
Many of nri friends buy kurtis just to wear on India trips.
Atleast Dil didn't cancel vacation because her family wasn't in India.
I bet many of us wouldn't go if our family wasn't there. Change plans.
She is a good girl.
Never fuel your sister. Your sister knows what's good.
And later it might hamper your relationship with sisters.