tortured by dil

@Tarasharma

I hear what you are saying, I suppose it is largely down to the daughter and her husband. I have been lucky enough to get a guy who understands that what support we provide to our parents needs to be on an equal footing (well almost equal) . So if my mom needed a home, of course I would consult him, but I would open my doors and on his side that has always been understood. Its not to say that I have not had to make him understand this on occasion, but he listens and acknowledges.

I can see how near impossible it would be in a joint family, to share a home, but if the daughter worked, actually whether she worked or not, because she is probably 'working at home', she should be able to offer some support to parents if it were needed and most certainly not need to ask permissions. Of course there is the general courtesies of informing, planning etc.

In this day and age ladies are pulling their weight as much men, even at the home front and our culture is changing fast to adapt in most cases, but in other cases people still pick and choose what elements of independent women suits them for the ladies of their house and then quote 'culture' where it does not.

 

That is so true.
My parents and in laws get along well now....but has been mostly through a one way attempt to keep relationships going.My in laws believe in ladke walle nakhre.....not something too offensive but the usual.It is always my parents who call them and it is expected that they will do it regularly. It is mostly my parents who visit them.....it's like 10 visits by my parents to 1 visit by inlaws.My parents had to get used to waiting for grand daughters ....being disappointed seeing their daughter come alone because Dadi didn't want them to go..."abhi to aaye ho"....."I have made ice cream for them"...some one is coming over to see them"...this that.

My parents don't mind playing the role of the ladkiwalle....specially my dad.Loves to roll over .I had to fight both in laws and my parent to bring about some balance.

My husband has never spent a night at my parents home.....staying in the same city.This is one battle even I have not taken on ....nor has my husband. Their son going and sleeping at his in laws while his parents stay in the same city will just bring the roof down at in laws. I can imagine the 'tandav' that will follow. Not worth the trouble. That is the compromise we make for peace.

Now I make sure my kids and I spend almost half the time with parents while their son visits my parents but spends the night at his home.



editing...too much ranting....:coffee

 

imnmil,

You said you have a DIL and a SIL you have written about how you treat your DIL and how your DIL treats you. Write something about how you treat your SIL and how your SIL treats you so that we can see if both get equal treatment or in your dictionary SIL and DIL are different and they don't deserve to be treated equal ?

 

Hi,This is a very common situation for all. My mother used to say'Never live with your DIL'.Its bad for your health. )
Hope you can find an acceptable solution to your problem.

 

Yes. All my babies and grandchildren has been sleeping in cardboard boxes gigglingsmiley

Infant mortality was very high. We had a guy (doctor) who studied in Germany (?) and then came back (this was before second world war) with all kind of ideas of how to improve the situation. The box provided the few most important items (in the beginning) and it was a way also to "force" women into prenatal care. If you did not sign up for prenatal care you did not receive the box. After the war there were a lot of single mothers that had babies with german/Russian fathers and they were shun by the society. Families were very big and many fatherless families as the father died in the war. At that time the box was very essential for the poor mothers to get cloth nappies and some clothes for the newborn.

The snowsuits are good. We have the habit of keeping our babies sleeping outside for their daytime napping so there has to be good clothing. So (in the winter) you put on normal inner clothes, wollen wear, snowsuit and then kind of a sleeping bag and put the baby in the pram. The babies sleep like a charm even if it is -15 C outside.

 

@Crayoness

i came across this sleeping outside thing ages ago, when reading up about how to get my babe to nap longer than 20 mins. Anyway was surprised and amazed then. I kind off get the fresh air, snuggled up concept, would you please elaborate more....

 

Child mortality was high everywhere. Poorness, lack of access to medical care, big families. "Western countries" started to improve during the 1900s. Finland had three devasting wars during the first part of the 1900s that had a huge impact. Sweden managed to stay out of the wars so the situation there was better.

This video is quite fascinating:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbkSRLYSojo

 

I think it may have started with the fact that in the past houses were wooden heaten and filled with smoke. Having babies sleeping outside made them sleep longer and deeper as the air was fresh and they were tightly wrapped in warm clothes. People still do it today as the babies sleep better . I used to keep my baby on the balcony sleeping. You have to be of course careful that the baby does not get hot (direct sunshine) or cold.

Some babies want to have the pram moving so mothers get good exercise taking long walks with their bundles.