Old Age Home? Have a heart!

Vysan · Sep 2, 2007

cheeniya said: ↑

Dear Veda
Carrying a name like that, I dont think that you need to be told that the entire gamut of our theory of Karma operates not only during one's life time but transcends future births as well. Our Karma theory operates on a very complicated accounting procedure which is difficult to understand unless one is really into that. But suffice it to say that it is a very fair system and ensures everyone gets what he deserves.
You must understand that your presence in chennai might have given some happiness to your dying mother but would certainly not have saved her. I am sure that you understand that your absence at her dying moments and the consequent agony of it were all preordained according to the theory of Karma. You were only a tool used for making a small adjutment entry in her Karma Account. And that you too had to suffer a feeling of guilt was in pursuance of the same Karma Theory. No one can escape it.
Veda, please understand that your continuing to feel guilty will only make your mother's soul anguished and restless. Will any mother feel peaceful at seeing her son feeling guilty after doing so much for her?
You have a duty to your family too. Regarding your dad, it is his choice that he wants to continue in Chennai. There are several old age homes to suit all budgets. Besides that some decent families offer to take such old people as paying guests but considering the strong infra structure that is available with old age homes, I would certainly recommend a oldage home if you can tell me what you are looking for. If you need more details, you can PM me.
Sri
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Dear Sri,

Thank you very much for you soothing words... I understand ....

I think you have mistaken me on the oldage home.... I didnt ask the details for my father's sake.... I said I would love to go over there meet the people and spend time with them with my family....

Thanks for ur nice words

Veda

Cheeniya · Sep 2, 2007

Dear Veda
My sincere apologies for having mistaken your intent. I ought to have applied my mind better! For a man who feels guilty for not having spent more time with his mother in her dying days, how could there be an intention to leave his dad at an old age home? How silly of me!
The one I was talking about is in Palavakkam off ECR Road in Dr.MGR Road. A must see place. The joy that you can give to the inmates through your regular visits is unbelievable!
Sri

venkats · Jan 3, 2008

Dear All

With due respects, please dont take this in a different manner. All of them express the fact that oldage home is used by the children's alone. I would like to narrate a different story. The women misuse the law and create the problem for the parents in law and husband. They even go to threaten the family by bringing a gang of people and threaten and write threatening anonymous letters. The case is going and the women want to enter the home somehow and create the nightmare for the inlaws and husband. In such cases too the inlaws has to go to oldage home and the husband too has to do the same. The ethics have faded and women can stoop to any level to create problem. If this is the case oldage home is the only solution for middleage men.
Prudence and commonsense are essential and if they are lacking it is difficult to get going. The days are not far that men need to resort to oldage home rather than their own house

Regards

Venkat

mkthpavi · May 2, 2008

Dear Sir,
I am surprised how I missed this thread of yours. Or may be I didnt read it patiently earlier. This is a very touchy topic and close to my heart. You have explained it very well.
I wish to mention this website PARENTS' WISH - FATHER OR MOTHER in this context.
In the patriarchial society of ours, it is heartening to note that not only men, but also women are keeping their parents with them when the latter approach old age. As a daughter, I have so many dreams for my parents and would like to be for them at all times and keep them with me at all times RIGHTFULLY. I feel I am equally duty-bound to them, as much as I am supposed to be for my in-laws !
Thanks again for a great post
Love and regards
Pavithra

anukvs · May 2, 2008

Dear Lalithasai,

Old age homes are not a very bad option. It can give you all the desired luxuries in life... but will fail to give you the emotional support you need from your very own loved ones.

My husbands thatha, was sent to an old age home by his mama's. Whenever we came to Chennai, we visitied him and it was so painful to see him there. Not that he missed any luxury.. but his desire to live with his son.. was so in plenty in his eyes that we could see him undergo a slow death emotionally. He is no more and my MIL still feels that she did not do her duty as a daughter. Having seen that and the pain people go through.. I still think, the old people (atleast beyond the age of 75) need to be close to the loved ones.

Anu

sundarusha · May 2, 2008

Dear Pavithra,

Thanks for sharing this video. It brought tears to my eyes.

Cheeniya sir and Chitra,

You have mentioned about the ladies in the old age homes always longing to talk to someone. I have seen many senior citizens living with their son's family, but noone having any meaningful conversations. They are just staying with their children but very lonely and lost because noone would share anything with them.These senior citizens too long for someone to talk to them. In such cases, it might be better off to stay in old age homes. Atleast they will have the company of friends their own age.
In our generation, probably we are preparing ourselves the possibility of old age homes, but for the previous generation, it is rather a shocker

Cheeniya · May 3, 2008

mkthpavi said: ↑

Dear Sir,
I am surprised how I missed this thread of yours. Or may be I didnt read it patiently earlier. This is a very touchy topic and close to my heart. You have explained it very well.
I wish to mention this website PARENTS' WISH - FATHER OR MOTHER in this context.
In the patriarchial society of ours, it is heartening to note that not only men, but also women are keeping their parents with them when the latter approach old age. As a daughter, I have so many dreams for my parents and would like to be for them at all times and keep them with me at all times RIGHTFULLY. I feel I am equally duty-bound to them, as much as I am supposed to be for my in-laws !
Thanks again for a great post
Love and regards
Pavithra
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Dear Pavithra
Gone are the days when parents desperately longed for sons. That was a time when girls were powerless to take care of the needs of their parents. It was, therefore, the security fear that made the parents long for sons. The situation has changed now. In every field women vie with men for the top honours. I remember that when Indra Gandhi was the PM of India, she was described as the only male in the cabinet! It is interesting that her Italian daughter in law is hailed as the Presiding Deity of the Congress party! The news of Indra Nooyi finding a place among the ten top most influential persons of the world was not received with a derisive laughter from her male counterparts but with total awe.
With such a scenario emerging, parents do not mind if their child is a boy or a girl. I live with my daughter whose main concern is my happiness and welfare. You are absolutely right,Pavithra, when you say "I feel I am equally duty-bound to them, as much as I am supposed to be for my in-laws !"
I feel warmer towards you now than ever before!
Sri

Cheeniya · May 3, 2008

anukvs said: ↑

Dear Lalithasai,

Old age homes are not a very bad option. It can give you all the desired luxuries in life... but will fail to give you the emotional support you need from your very own loved ones.

My husbands thatha, was sent to an old age home by his mama's. Whenever we came to Chennai, we visitied him and it was so painful to see him there. Not that he missed any luxury.. but his desire to live with his son.. was so in plenty in his eyes that we could see him undergo a slow death emotionally. He is no more and my MIL still feels that she did not do her duty as a daughter. Having seen that and the pain people go through.. I still think, the old people (atleast beyond the age of 75) need to be close to the loved ones.

Anu
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Dear Anu
I have my mother who is 94 living with me. My daughter supports all of us. I can see the etrnal joy of living with three succeeding generation radiating from every tissue of her frail body. She just sits in the drawing room watching every movement of my grandchildren with loving eyes. She neither feels hunger nor thirst when she is engaged in this activity! Take it from me Anu, nothing can give an aging person more pleasure than the joy of being together!
Sri

Vysan · May 3, 2008

Dear Sri,

Let me add some controvery to this beautiful blog!!!!!!...

"Gone are the days when parents desperately longed for sons. That was a time when girls were powerless to take care of the needs of their parents. It was, therefore, the security fear that made the parents long for sons. The situation has changed now."

How true... Now, you should be happy to have a daughter... Now boys love to take care of the girls parents than his own parents... They are ready to forego or neglect his parents... to please and accomodate his wife's parents... This is the fast changing trend... I am not against taking care of girls parents... But I couldnt digest, the boy leaving the parents on the ditch either.....

So, what do you think of the emerging trend??????...

Jhoot!!!!!!! My job over Guruji!!!!!

Veda

Cheeniya · May 3, 2008

sundarusha said: ↑

Dear Pavithra,

Thanks for sharing this video. It brought tears to my eyes.

Cheeniya sir and Chitra,

You have mentioned about the ladies in the old age homes always longing to talk to someone. I have seen many senior citizens living with their son's family, but noone having any meaningful conversations. They are just staying with their children but very lonely and lost because noone would share anything with them.These senior citizens too long for someone to talk to them. In such cases, it might be better off to stay in old age homes. Atleast they will have the company of friends their own age.
In our generation, probably we are preparing ourselves the possibility of old age homes, but for the previous generation, it is rather a shocker
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Dear Usha
You may have a point there about older generation having an intense desire to live with their kith and kin as compared to the present generation. After all these people have been brought up in closely knit joint families and it is no wonder that they feel lost without known and lovable faces around. I have just mentioned about my old mother in an earlier reply here that she just loves to sit in the hall and keep watching us. She hardly talks except through her eyes. If I go and sit near her, she runs her shrivelled fingers lovingly over my body. We may not understand this need of theirs.
Sri