The (im)purity of having your period...I just don't get it

Change is not only important its a necessity during the course of any
healthy marriage .Now while its possible that the viewpoints converge its equally likely they might begin to diverge somewhere along the way. At that point its important to make up ones mind whether you want to meet your spouse half way or call it quits.
If my spouse to day were to start a religious practice that completely goes against my core principles or what I signed up for more than a decade ago then I will walk out of the marriage .
Washing hair on the 4th day of periods does not fall into that category for me .Forcing me to wear Burqa would be. But then again each one is diff. If its a deal breaker you are always welcome to re-think the marriage.

 

Interesting... not something I noticed myself, but then, I wash my hair every day (daily headbath!).

Googled this "factoid" to see if it was true, and found this:

'Bad hair days', scalp sebum excretion and... [J Cosmet Dermatol. 2003] - PubMed - NCBI

Granted, it's only one teensy little study, but it concludes there is no real correlation between sebum production and days when one is menstruating. Perhaps it is just a perception? Again, related to the idea of being unclean, which is something even women may buy into, whether it is scientifically verifiable or not.

Whatever the case, in this day and age of permanent hot water, soap, hairdryers, and feminine hygiene products, it is no longer relevant. The 4th day seems just arbitrary to me. It may not be a big deal for some, but the point here is, it's a big deal for the OP.

It would annoy the heck out of me, too. It IS the principle of the thing, as someone just glossed over - adults should have control over their own bodies (excluding the husband from the other thread, the one who doesn't wash his face before he goes to functions).

 

duplicate......:

 

Ansuya, if it is a principle thing that cannot be compromised over, then yes, OP should put her foot down and say no. However, from where I see, this entire thread has been about what one would do if we were in OPs shoes. Really though, taking head bath on 4th day is a deal breaker for marriage? All I can say is OP should pick her battles wisely. If it's really that important (taking bath) to the most important person in life, I really don't see why it cannot be overlooked. From where I see, her husband comes from a very religious family and if this is one thing he asks of her, I really don't see why it should be a huge deal.

also if this was going to be a deal breaker and if this was something she absolutely hated, perhaps this should have been mentioned before marriage itself? I am not saying its ops fault but really, don't spoil the marriage for things like this is all I am saying.

 

....And yet she chose not to bring it up before /during or after her wedding either with her fiance or in her maternal home ?Interesting way of handling things.

 

Husband not praying during wife's cycle is actually new to me. In the families I know who follow this not praying part, it's the lady who is menstration. Others go about their daily prayers...probably specific their culture.

oP another thing, by now you would have understood that it all depends on your tolerance/acceptance limits. As you can see, for some of us, it's not a big deal and for some it is. You really need to decide what you are going to do. If you don't want to, don't take a bath that day and test what happens. More often than not he will sulk and fight with you and that's that. Take control and make rules.

even if this was not discussed before marriage, perceptions are allowed to change.

lastly, I still thinks it's seriously not a big deal to give into doing something small for some that important. Again...personal opinion.

 

If this was my ONLY thought for every thread here related to marriage difficulties (and I do think it, a lot), I'd never respond to a single thread.

However, I do think I have a responsibility, once someone is married, and posting here about a specific problem, to offer support and/or a solution beyond "what were you thinking, marrying this guy without due diligence?".

P.S. JAG, you can put my name on there when you quote my posts... I promise I won't go running to the mods

 

Hot damn, girl... can I enroll in your school of "How to get your husband to do anything"?!

I think what irks me about this issue (periods, and pregnancy, and childbirth, etc.) is that we can't do the thali illustration as above - make a man understand by experience. No man will ever truly understand what it's like. Some try (this thread illustrates that), and that's great. But really, is it fair for a woman to take instructions from a man regarding something that only she can ever have intimate knowledge and experience of?

Even if the man is an expert (OB-GYN, etc.), there will be a certain lack to the depth of his "knowledge". I know you don't have to have a "disease" to be able to treat it, but there is a lot to be said for empathy, understanding, and experience in this particular case.

Is it a coincidence that a lot of women prefer female medical personnel when it comes to these issues? A friend once told me that in medical school, a male resident (colleague of his) slapped a pregnant woman who was screaming "too loudly" during labor. That makes my blood boil.

It'd be like me, standing outside a proctologist's office, lecturing to men about the where's, who's, and whyfor's of getting a prostate exam. It's not going to happen.

 

If it is deal breaker for me the onus is on me to bring it up .If I were to be caught unawares then yes its a diff story.

I understand R...u are entitled to ur opinion/beliefs ..but the point I am trying to impress upon is so are others including OPs DH. I guess I said all I wanted say and after this we will be going round our fav mulberry bush